Did he actually forget?? (non-may trigger!)

hello all

I do Apologize but I need your help again with one of my dilemmas.

* In January, my (separated) husband and I were to sign a separation agreement. He paid to have this drafted up. To me it was a lot of money. But he let the papers laps. Did not make the arrangements to get them signed.

* He also insisted that I leave the garage open so he could get the rest of his items. I did, but he never showed up.

I have not spoken to him for 3 ½ weeks, and that is odd for him. I understand the “out of sight - out of mind” symptom of BPD, so do you think that he actually forgot about the papers and picking up his stuff? Or do you think it is something else all together.

I so appreciate your imput in every question I ask because I know that you all struggle with your own issues yet you are kind enough to take the time to give me insight. Thank you, thank you.

I think picking up his stuff and signing the papers are going to trigger him HARD and he's putting it off as long as he can. Just sort of going into zombie mode where you block out even basic responsibilities to avoid triggering. It's the hardcore BPD version of procrastinating.

I mean, think about it, his world is falling apart and he's depressed as hell and that makes it pretty hard to follow through on things that are only going to cause more pain. That's difficult even for a mentally healthy person to deal with, let alone someone with BPD. I can only imagine how sick he is over all this.

Hi girlfriend...

To be honest, and in my own opinion, I think that he did NOT forget, and is doing this to put off the inevitable, and hope that you'll change your mind about things. I think this may have more to do with manipulation, and punishing you, than it does having to do with any sort of forgetfulness.

This is BPD, not Alzheimer's, and I think he is trying to somehow gain an upper hand. I hate that he's doing this to you, but this disorder is not always kind to our loved ones... :0(

***BIG HUGS***

AMP

StrayKitten wrote:I think picking up his stuff and signing the papers are going to trigger him HARD and he's putting it off as long as he can. Just sort of going into zombie mode where you block out even basic responsibilities to avoid triggering. It's the hardcore BPD version of procrastinating.

I mean, think about it, his world is falling apart and he's depressed as hell and that makes it pretty hard to follow through on things that are only going to cause more pain. That's difficult even for a mentally healthy person to deal with, let alone someone with BPD. I can only imagine how sick he is over all this.

yeah I have to agree with you straykitten, I think its all the pain he suffering from the seperation that makes its all to hard for him to go on with his life. I cant speak for him but if I had a girlfriend that dident want to be with me anymore I probly also would have just go into a state of denial and block away all kind of responsibilities. But i can understand your thoughs of that he maybe just forgot about it all but I think he just suffers to much and thats why he keeps his distance towards you.

Thank you : Stray Kitten, Miss ali, and xenor;

I do appreciate your answers.
But I am now more confused...

I was blacker than the ace of Spades to him (conflict 3 to 4 times a day)
He left me (I understand the leave them before they leave you)
He initiated the divorce
He left me with his debts

So, I guess I’m confused on how he could be depressed… (not meaning to be snide)
He decided everything, I just went along with what he wanted.

Thanks again

Maybe he didn't WANT you to "just go along with what he wanted". Maybe he wanted you to fight even harder for the relationship. I dunno. It's possible (I do it plenty).

Stray Kitten;

Thank you again for you answers..
I might be slow but I do get it eventually
So it was more like a test?

Well I can't assume it was a test. It's a big deal and I don't want to mess with your emotions by saying he was just playing a game or something. But there is certainly a chance of it. If he's declared that he likes the way he is (as you've mentioned before), he may think you'll leave him anyway since he refuses to change his personality. He might feel that this was his only choice to avoid abandonment, but still can't bring himself to get his things, sign the papers, separate the finances, etc...

It's a messy situation. I think part of him resents you for wanting him to change. That part really does think a divorce is the best option. But part of him was hoping you'd realize what you are losing and say "Don't ever change, I love you the way you are! Please give me another chance!!"

Whatever his motivations, he most certainly did not "just forget". Even if that's the excuse he gives you next time you talk.