Jealousy

It seems like something I could post here that may be more or less universal.

In my particular situation, I like someone very much and plan to begin a relationship, and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. However, ######6 BPD is in my way again...



How do you prevent your jealousy from getting in your way?

Hi, Mavet! Have you ever looked into Dialectical Behavior Therapy? I think there is some info in there about how to control your emotions better.
You could look it up on google and wikipedia for starters.
Also google for "DBT self help".

Don't date people you fall in love with.

I know it sounds crazy, but the jealousy never rears it's head then for me.

That said, they often go a little crazy when you leave them - cold turkey.


Hey, that jealousy is about as close to going insane as there is. And once it starts, the relationship is pretty much over.

Don't date people you fall in love with.

This is about one of the wisest solutions I have heard yet. If the outcome doesn't work, it doesn't work. Simpler to just avoid the dilemma from the start instead of time and again, pursuing something with the same dysfunctional result .
Stay solo, and never have to deal with the self inflicted heartbreak, or the heartbreaks not of my doing.

If my head gets painful when I knock it against the wall, why would I keep doing it?
(Rhetorical question)

Jasmin: My therapist and me are working on getting into DBT but it's something I still really struggle with.

intropect wrote:Don't date people you fall in love with.

I know it sounds crazy, but the jealousy never rears it's head then for me.

I'm afraid of seeing the moment when (if?) I do, and seeing things happen all over again.

Just a follow-up on "Don't date people you fall in love with."


I don't mean that we should be alone. I've been single for 9 months now. It's killing me, I so want someone to love me. To be held. To wake up and do things for someone else. To smother them in affection.

What I mean is, date, and then as a process of getting to know someone, fall in love.

I've rarely done this. I always know I am in love first, then I jump in. Or, it's been a one-night-stand that I've grown attached to, and kept. But this whole concept of dating to get to know someone - I figure that's what norms do.

Speaking of nons, my ex popped by my apartment building last week, waited an hour for me, but I was in town getting dinner and did not have my phone on me (I never carry it now). She lives 5 hours away by car. I've not seen her in 9 months. I'm not interested, she's not the one. However, what she did, it gives me some faith that I am somewhat desirable - my personality. Who I am.

But I'm a total asshole too, I've never responded to her phone calls, emails, text messages. I have not split her or anything, I just don't care. And I know if I want to, she's there. This counters the above feeling. My lack of empathy here proves I am a wretched individual.

Mavet wrote:It seems like something I could post here that may be more or less universal.

In my particular situation, I like someone very much and plan to begin a relationship, and I'm pretty sure the feeling is mutual. However, ######6 BPD is in my way again...



How do you prevent your jealousy from getting in your way?

I am in the very same place as you right now... and, like you, it's all-too familiar a place. I think I am worse off now than in the past because I am aware of how easily my emotions take control over me, despite my attempts to regulate them. I am such a nervous wreck & feel I am at a greater risk of screwing things up with this guy.

Jelaousy... my green-eyed best friend in the world...
If I got to hell, it will totally be for crimes involving envy...

I ruined a 2 year relationship because I was jealous of the time my boyfriend spent with his video games. It wasn't even a person... but it was like I had an arch nemesis, and he had to be fought... with fire. I made a lot of mistakes in that relationship, which I won't go into, but it ended bloody... no one came out okay in the end.

This relationship is better. To be honest he's so much like the guy from before. they look a lot alike, they have similar qualities... but I made sure he doesn't game... instead he has friends, and I'm jealous of them... I worry that he's not really seeing friends, you know?
So how do I keep that green-eyed friend of mine in check?

I don't... sadly.

I have the upper hand here, though. I might be jealous, but he's committed. I'm not necessarily in love, but he is... and I know that he wouldn't do something he thought might endanger that, so when I say come, he does without question.

Control is one way to keep the jealousy in check. It's not the best, I don't think, but it works for now.

I use the God tool. Im a person that prays all the time. From that stand point, I try to detach and take my ideas to a higher power. I can sense when God is trying to tell me something. I explain my interest of someone to God, I usually get an answer of yes or no. I can tell when it is right or not. When Im inline with the Universe. I then understand that the first question asked is, " How can I serve this person". Serving them is from a God point of view. He created his daughter, Im asking how I can serve her. I take it to God.

If anything goes wrong. I take it back to God and tell him its his fault....

OMNICELL wrote:If anything goes wrong. I take it back to God and tell him its his fault....

I love this thought. ^_^

Totally made my day, and I'm not even religious.