A bit of my back ground... Im 31 and have been in and out of therapy, pdocs, hospitals the whole thing since I was about 14 yrs old. I been Dx with a whole slew of things ( started with: PTSD and clinical depression, through the yrs, eating disorders, OCD, anxiety and panic attacks, self harm, dermatillomania, major depression, insomnia to finally bi polar (2004?) so after that im always said to have bi polar with anxiety and OCD) but this last doc ask has anyone every said BPD! After reading alot of the medical info online I think I should give him a call....I ran from him so to speak missed my last appt back in sept. I run alot from things im now figuring out. Especially when someone person or doc sees through me. I like to paint this pretty picture of me to the outside world. I have from day 1 questioned the bi polar diagnosis, but they are the professionals right? I might have both who knows! Why I questioned bi polar is my "hypomanic/manic" actions are not mania but being so depressed trying anything and everything to feel better. I dont have separate different moods depression/normal/manic that come in phases. Just different levels of depressed.
But now I have a 5yr old son who is being affected by my moods. And its starting to hurt even worse because I am feeling horrible he has to be apart of my madness of a life. In the past this would be my time to run off and try something drastic to be happy but im thinking about him and how hes going to be affected. Im kinda stuck and dont know what to do.
My immediate plans are to get back to my drs both mental and physical because i have not been taking care of my health for sometime now. Then I know I have to change my current living situation. Neither are going to be quick or easy!
Sorry this was more of a rant or freak out or something....but I guess its what i needed right now
when is it my turn to be happy
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