online "stalking"

Hello:

I am "in love" with a mentor, he's a great guy and knows how I feel, he's been really supportive. I have recently gone back to DBT to work this and other things through.

In the meantime, I have googled his wife, just to see a photo of her, to see if she's prettier than me.
Could not find a photo, thank God. But I do know she is in an administrative position which makes me think he likes strong women, etc. I'm not good enough.

Please no one judge me, I'm just writing about what goes on inside me. I am hoping my posting/venting will help me through this process.

though any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

I do this.

I know everything public about the douche my most recent serious ex left me for. It gets easier to not do it after a while. Hang in there. It can be hard to deal with feelings that you get when you compare. It isnt healthy. The more you know the more ammo you give yourself to have an internal inadequacy battle. It is hard to stay away.

Remember, with all things internet and otherwise: that with can be seen can never be unseen. (I learned that after going through an exes email. Stay strong. It gets better.

You're not alone. I also do this with anyone I gain interest in. I wouldn't consider it "stalking" though since it's so easy to do in the Facebook era and most people are guilty of it. It's really exhausting to compare myself to everyone all the time. I always end up feeling inferior so I'm not sure why I do it to myself. It's a really vicious cycle. It's probably for the best that you didn't find a picture of her.

First time BPD poster here. I just wanted to share that I have online "stalked" before. When my destructive relationship of five years ended, I tried to keep constant tabs on my ex. I always wanted to know what she was doing. At times I felt like she was trying to cheat on me with others toward the end, so I would look out for any activity that could transpire.

I knew most of my life something wasn't quite right, so it wasn't until recently that I had taken several personality tests, and realized why. I felt so lost until that moment. My most recent breakup ended with her wanting to stay friends, so while I battled with that, I kept her on Facebook. I found myself constantly checking Facebook, just to see what she was doing.

I couldn't stop. I would constantly look through all the news feeds, see what she put as her status. Finally I accepted the fact that I wasn't ready to try to apply DBT in that situation, and I removed her so I could try to gain a sense of control over the situation. That escalated to ending our friendship tonight actually, because I triggered when she had said some things.

And that is why I sought out a forum for BPD, and why I am here.