Family issues

I'm getting a ######6 headache over this. And I'm sorry for posting so many threads, I don't know where else to go ._.

I actually live by myself right now, just me and my animals, because I like being able to control who I see, and who sees me. When I need someone I go over to THEIR place. I don't know why but I get so...agitated and angry and mean whenever someone comes to my house, moreso with my family.

I guess its like I like being in other peoples personal space but I hate when mine gets infiltrated. I don't even know how to explain it, I just hate when people come over to my house. I don't know why, I just do. And whenever someone does I get so ######6 angry and I end up being mean to them even though I don't mean to and I really shouldn't. And then they end up hating me because of it

My sister I think has been trying to have a better relationship with me, and she wanted me to take something home to try it and see if it works, so it did work, I called her and told her and she insisted on coming over. I told her I really don't think you should do that, I'll just bring it to you, but she came over anyways.

Right when she got there I was mean to her, and she tried to bring in a nasty chair from outside into my house and I blew up at her. Then she gathered up her stuff and left and basically told me I should be nicer. It happens almost every time someone comes to my house. Then I ######6 hate myself for making everyone else hate me. A couple days ago my mom said to me, "you're just mean, you're just a hater now"

But I'm really not I don't mean to, and I don't know what to do. If I can't stop their all just going to hate me forever. And it sucks because we just went to lunch and everything was good.

Why am I so defensive about people coming to my house? Just thinking about somebody coming here makes me irritated. And yet I have no problem being with people in their house, or living with someone else. What the heck?

Hey! Maybe your house is your "safe place" and you don't want to share it with anyone right now?

Jasmin.
Oh my,
I actually joined this forum when I was younger, maybe 13 or 14? That was when I started self injuring, and I remember posting a thread in a crisis and you talked to me. It was under a different username, obv. But wow, I'm so glad you're still here...

I do feel like it's like that. I guess I'm just wondering why, it causes so many problems, is there any way I could stop being so defensive and angry when someone invades it?

you know what...you're not alone by that feeling. i feel that too!
glad to know i'm not alone ((HUUUG))

as for me, i rent a room for myself. my friends said it's my hidden nest b/c i barely let anyone come over, not even my family, not even my best friend, even my boyfriends!

EXACTLY just like you, i'm uncomfortable and angry when they do that.
i'd better meet them somewhere else or i come to their place, rather than in reverse.
and if they do come and stay more than 10 minutes (seriously, my patience span is only 5-10 minutes), i'll completely ignore them, restless, anxious, angry and finally give them mean words

i usually just told anyone who will come over that i don't want it. that i won't be comfortable and i have issue with space...i'll say i'm a territorial, like dogs or cats (except that i don't spray my place )
my room is my hidden nest and i'll feel unsafe when someone come. it's not their issues and it's not b/c of them, it's my own feeling and i hope they can respect that.
and i offer them for me to come over to their place and bring something along. or i give idea to go over places like restaurant and give them plenty of reason (better ambiance, new menu, bigger space, etc).

people think i'm weird, but they accept it.

perhaps you can just tell them too? i dunno if it will work there

Oh my gosh, I'm actually NOT alone in this! *hugs back yoa*

I'm just like you, it always ends up with me lashing out at the other person because they insist on coming over ._.

But I will try that, hopefully they'll be able to take a hint unlike my sister

You are definitely not alone with this. You have described me exactly. I need warning before you come over to my place, and 95% of the time, I'll come up with a reason you can't come over right now. I do this with EVERYBODY!!!

Thought that was me thing not a BPD thing though.

I do know that my apartment is the only place I feel I can be me (safe).

I also have a pet and I'd like to say I control him, but he won't let me