Rejection *triggering*

How do you handle rejection? A breakup? When you're pushed away, and you're the one that's the master of pushing people away? And then you get a ridiculous excuse and your perplexed...holding the bag of emotions left to bleed.

Btw, this is not directed against bpd's!!! I'm self dx'd or at least have 4 traits to be 'with BPD traits.'. Just realized this came off as confontational and it's not meant to be.

I don't know about you, but I tend to dwell on certain things in a break up. For example, I'm going through a divorce. I attempted suicide a few months ago and had to be committed. She claimed she loved me, yet was with the another man while I was hospitalized. I dwelt on that for a while.

For me, exercise and keeping busy with volunteer work helps to cope. If you have a good support base, that helps too. If you're like me and no one around, you're kind of s.o.l. Just take it one day at a time. Baby steps, sir.

it did not seem confrontational to me. (i didn't answer the first part, because i don't have a reasonable answer. all i can say is, if you're going through it, please hang in.)

My latest relationship went through a very crazy break up. Everything started exciting and new, and I wasn't dx'd (diagnosed?) at that time with BPD, and the events that led to the breakup was what made me find that I was BPD.

I fell head over heels for this girl, as she did me. I wanted to try to take it slow, so I could try to make sure what happened in my previous relationships, wouldn't happen here (again didn't know BPD). She took charge practically, and I just went with it. I blew all my money, impulsively bought things, I distanced myself from everyone. I became obsessed with her, because she was obsessed with me.

Things were moving so fast, that one day she just shut down. From that moment, she was so frustrated with me. Around that time I ended up losing my house, my car for a time because it was down and couldn't afford to fix it. She wouldn't communicate with me, then a few days after I moved in, she told me that we needed some time apart.

I went and spent the night with my parents. I was feeling so lost, so confused. I felt like the reason she was frustrated with me, was because she had someone else in mind. When I finally came back, she said that it was over and we needed to just be friends.

It was the first relationship that I didn't end. The first relationship where I never got to the point of pushing away. It was like she took complete control of the situation, used me for sex, money, attention. The entire relationship was completely unreal to me, but I fell victim to it, and I lost it.

I demanded answers to know why I became so obsessed, and why I shut out the world, to be with someone who completely took hold of the situation, possibly to their advantage, and dumped me with barely the clothes on my back, before I ever had a chance to run her off. That is when I learned I had BPD.

To this day, I may have better clarity knowing why I am the way I am, and working with DBT and talking, but I will probably never know why she did that, pushed me away, before I even did it like the rest of my relationships I had.

wineaux wrote:I'm self dx'd or at least have 4 traits to be 'with BPD traits.'. Just realized this came off as confontational and it's not meant to be.

Sorry, but yeah I find this offensive, especially as it's a self-diagnosis and clearly you're no professional or have any idea what you're talking about or even understand BPD. You have to have 5 symptoms of the criteria to be diagnosed with BPD, so if you only have 4, you're not BPD.

Lia_Interrupted wrote:

wineaux wrote:I'm self dx'd or at least have 4 traits to be 'with BPD traits.'. Just realized this came off as confontational and it's not meant to be.

Sorry, but yeah I find this offensive, especially as it's a self-diagnosis and clearly you're no professional or have any idea what you're talking about or even understand BPD. You have to have 5 symptoms of the criteria to be diagnosed with BPD, so if you only have 4, you're not BPD.

Lia, some of us have a diagnosis that's so confused that even the professionals can't agree whether we're actually BPD or not. I'm in that boat, but I identify very strongly with the BPD's on the forum here, and have identified with most of the traits for the past 3-4 years at least- I was told I was BPD, then I just had traits, and now I'm possible bipolar 2. In all honesty I don't know what my dx is- it depends on who the psychiatrist is, but I do understand exactly what wineaux is saying, and I didn't find it offensive or confrontational at all. There are plenty of people floating around the forum here who don't have a full and proper diagnosis, because not everyone has access to a decent psychiatrist who is willing to spend more than half an hour with you to do a full psychiatric evaluation and give proper answers.

Wineaux- yes I get that too, and do it all the time. I want people to be with me, and feel rejected when they can't be, and then when they want to be with me, I push them away because I can't handle it. I want both things all at once- to be alone and to be loved. It's so confusing and I don't get it. How do I deal with it? Umm, I don't. At least not constructively anyway- beating myself up mentally, self harm, you know, the usual sort of self destructive stuff. I'll often beat myself up over it for days, until I become fixated on something else to beat myself up about, unless that person comes along and makes me feel like they're not rejecting me, in which case I'll go back to expecting the rejection to just be around the next corner...

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@lia - when I wrote this I was so incredibly worked up and flustered that I didn't go back to reread my post before submitting it. i am truly sorry for offending you or anyone else that may have been angered by what i wrote. i have such a terrible time under and over communicating that things sometimes don't get conveyed the way i intended them to be.

i am cycling off one psychiatrist to another and am super confused on my diagnosis as it keeps changing with the wind. i was gad with mixed emotional features, now i am mdnos, ADHD and possibly bipolar II. my T feels that i exhibit some BPD traits which together we can recognize 4. i'm working to get a legit diagnosis so i can work on recovery rather than against it. when i come here, i feel safe and can associate with the problems and people on this forum more than the others. i just don't want to be lost anymore.

thanks for you honesty lia and thanks to the others that shared their stories and options. it means a lot to know you're not alone.

Let's just say I can't wait for the new DSM for BPD. There's no tickbox system, but you do have to have ALL of it to be BPD, or so I'm told. I can't remember. I'll have to double check.
http://www.dsm5.org/ProposedRevisions/P ... spx?rid=17 this is the new DSM that will come into place (when? I really don't know)

Anyways, on the topic of rejection - I'm very sensitive to rejection, but I can take it in different ways. I can get very defensive, angry, upset, all sorts of different ways, as it depends on the relationship and the situation.

When my ex girlfriend dumped me for the first time, I begged and begged and begged she didn't leave me and cried so much.
Then she took me back a day later and then broke up again a couple weeks later anyway.

I don't know if I'm feeling "rejection" at the moment, per se, but I'm feeling something. Maybe its that I'm not in control of the situation, even though I know that this particular dude isn't good for me ANYWAYS.

But fact is, since he is not all up on my nuts (yep, I'm a girl), it makes me wonder WHY HE ISN'T.

Here's the deal.

I've known said-dude for probably 15 years or so, he went to a neighboring high school and we worked summers at the same pool as lifeguards, and also went to the same college. Then after school, never saw him in like, 8 years or so. Then, he shows up on my very first list of eHarmony matches, which (dum-da-dum) starts up conversation. Then we're facebook friends. Then, nothing.

So I went downtown (which is where he lives) on Thursday night, with my favorite bar buddy in the world. Then I called him and told him we were out if he wanted to come meet us, which he did. And apparently I got drunk (okay, not APPARENTLY, I f**cking got WASTED), told him taht I'd suck the life out of him at some point, and that I loved him (WTF? Who believes someone after 11 jaeger bombs? Seriously?).

He calls at 4:00AM the next night, and we have a date for Saturday night.

Then, I find out that he went out to a "late night", which around here, means a total drug party. I was like, ahhhhhh, yuck. I can't get into that scene again - I'm TOO OLD. I'm 31. Phuck that.

But I was bummed because it went well. But I can't get past the powder issue. Not for me. Not like, in the last half-decade.

Thanks for listening. I hijacked this thread... my apologies...


AMP