why do I disire to kill and burn things?

My best friend was stabbed for fifteen minutes with a sword. I was diagnosed with bp and anxiety before this so you can imagine my symptoms are even worse.

But since my girlfriend dumped me two years ago I have had a never ending fantasy of hurting people. People I love. Or the ######6 people I love that left me!

Now the ducks with phds say I have some sort of psychotic problem now.

so my question is: do all borderlines have this desire to cause harm!?

thinkingalwaytoomuch wrote:so my question is: do all borderlines have this desire to cause harm!?

No. I think it's more likely for a borderlines to be harmful to themselves.

Not all, but I do myself yes.

Yes when i hurt bad i feel like the only option is crazy. I have come up with teally detailed and destructive plans. These increased after my time in the military. I do not think all bpd people have this.

I have never acted on anything with a plan or done anything like it in a non-emergence, non-military situation. I understand the confusion. I have feelings of being twisted and better off dead. Less dangerous to people i care about. It is important to remember you arent the only one and you can feel funny without acting funny.

You are not alone. You are no more twisted than most people, but it is good to talk these things through and work on them.

I actually raised my eyebrow when I read this title, because I have desires to kill AND burn things, too.

I'm...not sure completely WHY I have these feelings, but it scares me sometimes. I fantasize about either committing mass murder in the streets or just doing personal murder. I've always liked to burn things, but I want to blow things up, mostly. Like crash a car into a building and have it blow up the car and building and everybody in it.

It might just be my varying degrees of my relationships with people. When I hate them, the desires can get pretty strong and I think about it a lot. But then when I love them I can't imagine hurting anybody, even hitting them. I would just feel so ######6 bad. It's really hard to deal with

So I know where you're coming from

thinkingalwaytoomuch wrote:Now the ducks with phds say I have some sort of psychotic problem now.

That is lame if they are saying that... homicidal ideation has nothing to do with being psychotic. Although it can accompany psychosis sometimes, they are not always mutually connected.

I believe it may have to do with being comorbid with depression. When I am taking medication for my depression, not only do my suicidal thoughts go away (or lessen), so do my homicidal thoughts.

Of course, not everyone with depression has homicidal thoughts, but like others have said, it's different for everybody.

I often think about killing people. Mostly it's random.........as i have OCD, i've always had to deal with vivid intrusive thoughts and images.
In the past, violent images (of myself attacking/killing others) was very disturbing to me. Now, not so much...though there are times it can be.


As far as the "revenge" component you mention.........yes. That is there too. I've fantasised about killing everyone who has left me. I still wouldn't rule it out ............but yeah, i think a fair percentage of borderlines have homicidal thoughts. Especially ones, exposed to violence.


I think the important thing, is perhaps to figure out what it is that you get from this fantasy. (why do you like it?) and what it is that scares you about it? (for me that would be going to jail, but perhaps you fear something else that speaks to your "character" )


I wouldn't be overly afraid of this though.........the fact you are aware suggests you aren't likely to be overly compelled to do anything that could land you in prison or in a mental health facility for a lengthy period of time.


There are much bigger issues than this, that this speaks to...........learning to deal (or accept) those....WILL alleviate the need for this fantasy, while at the same time.....perhaps alleviating any guilt you have over having it.

wow, revenge fantasies---yes. i'm pretty steeped in the at times, especially when my paranoia is set on high. they aren't very vivid though: mainly i hope that i can use them to scare people into leaving me alone. i don't really have an urge to act on them. i'm definitely afraid of my own anger, though. i'm generally very quiet, but i can really be a gargantuar when upset.

i don't know if any of that makes sense. i don't think it's generally a symptom of psychosis (what you're describing), but i don't know. bpd emotions tend to be huge, just in general, and i think we're generally pretty creative. maybe that sounds strange to say in this context, but i think fantasies around anger are probably pretty frequent, the anger is big and creativity/imagination is high too. that isn't psychosis.

but regardless, if you think you're having uncontrollable urges to burn things or harm others---you think it's not just about a scene you'd like to keep in your imagination-- i'd definitely talk to someone about that.

Depends. I don't have any real desire to commit murder or burn anything. However, sometimes I wish people "evil," meaning no success or happiness, people whom I "hate." I think a lot of borderlines have something like that, perhaps the opposite of killing/burning oneself, the other side of the spectrum, you know? Recently I said to someone, "I'll kill you if you leave me," I don't mean it of course but the words come out of my mouth.I think all borderlines then have this "dying" kind of stuff, either towards themselves or others. Also fear of dying.

Not sure if that answers your question/helps at all.

Yes.

When people hurt me i wanna hurt them back
..and i fantasize about it

I once was detailing on my mind how to burn our house, where to buy gas, how to set it on fire..and all because my parents didn't allow me to go out with somebody.

I was on the verge of doing it..
I was just RAGING mad!
Then i fell asleep and i woke up feeling better

So i let it pass..

If it's minor revenge, i act it out

But big things like committing crime i don't do.