Disappointed!! (maybe triggering)

This Will NOT be a bashing thread

I’d like to address a few things. I was disappointed to hear that there are a few that do not want me to be part of this new chatroom. On the one hand I can understand this and see the validity of this, and on the other hand I believe there should be some understanding and acceptance from you, because like me you have your own dysfunctional behavior. I would assume that you want to be accepted for good and bad. I assume you also know what it feels like to be abandoned and misunderstood. If you think that because I’m a guy, and older than most my dysfunctional behavior doesn’t affect me you’re simply wrong. You don’t reach a certain age, and everything disappears. IIf that's what you believe... You'll be in for a rude awakening... If I didn’t have issues I wouldn’t be part of this forum. A few things:

1. I do apologize for having my meltdowns in chat, and if I could go back and undue them I would, but I can’t and that’s the way it is.

2. CJ, I am sorry for how I hurt you. I had no idea that you looked up to me, and when you said that it tore my heart out. That comment you made still bothers me today, because I never meant to hurt you, and I’m very sorry that I did. I hope that one day you’ll be able to look up to me again.

3. In regards to Kat, maybe I apologized to her and maybe I didn’t. It’s really none of your business what I did. I will say that I do have my regrets, and that I miss the conversations that we shared.

4. I offer no specific apologies to anyone else. The fact is my anger was so high that I recall very little of those events. I remember having my conflict with Kat and the comment CJ made to me and that’s about it. It feels as if there was another meltdown after that, but I’m not sure. If there was I have no recollection as to what it was about or what I said. If I did something in which you feel wronged I’m more than happy to talk with you and you can explain. Maybe it will jog a memory and maybe not. I do have a sense of me, and the things I’d say so whether I remember it or not, I have no problems in doubting you and giving you an apology. Would you want a blanket apology that I don’t mean, because I don’t know what I’m apologizing for other than what I described above or would you want an apology that I sincerely mean? If it were me, I’d want a sincere apology. You’re more than welcome to pm if you like, and let me know what I did wrong ** to you **.

Whatever you believe about me, I am protective of you, and I do care about you. You may not like some of my comments that I make, but you’ll always know you’re getting a straight answer from me. I have stuck up for people (Chaude to name one), and I didn’t know her at the time. She was attacked, and I attacked back. I have no regrets about it, and would do it again in a heartbeat. I’d do it for anyone else here, whether you like me or not.

How can I fix myself when I’m not in situations where I can try to fix myself? Will I f**k up at some point - probably. To me that is what being a friend is accepting them for who they are, tolerance, and understanding that WE ALL have our own dysfunctional behavior. I can’t change it overnight, I may not be able to change it at all. If you can’t give up your dysfunctional behavior on the spot, then don’t have unreasonable expectations of me that somehow I can.

I’m at an extremely low point right now and under a lot of stress (not because of the chatroom). If you can’t accept me now when I need it, and I realize that it may be hard, then don’t accept me when I times are better. To me supporting someone is accepting them during good and bad times. It’s hard to accept someone during the bad times, and easy to accept someone during the good times. I do feel abandoned, and isn’t that what we all fear. So I am disappointed. I do expect this out of Nons, but not out of those that I have shared issues with. I will not beg or plead to be part of this new chatroom. This is all about being disappointed.

That’s really all I got to say about this. There's a few that have and continue to be supportive of me, and thank you for being there for me!!

-cbox

I can understand you're dissapointed. I'm sure it can be sorted out somehow. I don't know what's been going on but i hope we can all get back to supporting each other. Keep your chin up.

Thx baby - luv yah.. .. -cbox

i also don't really know what was going on.
as i heard some of the member can't except cbox behavior or response in chatroom.
i barely in chatroom, so i can't tell.

but i personally think cbox is confused what did he do wrong or which part/word exactly he did wrong.
it's true that one might not able to correct mistakes without knowing what mistakes he did. i relate with cbox b/c i'm the same type of person to : most of times, i can't find my own mistakes until sumone pointed it out for me.

i was once offended with cbox post once, and i almost splited him black.
but then i asked for perspectives from lots of people, people who know me or barely know me, with PD or not, then i told cbox about how i felt in PM (b/c it really was triggering for me) and surprisingly he took it fine and i respect him for that.

we all have problem here and we all have BPD in different kind of way.
of course we need to learn how to control ourself with our behaviour...but just a thought, maybe it'll be easier if we help each other?

i mean it can also be an exercise for us too to keep our head in it's place and try to function despite of our low moment, while the people we have problem with (in this case cbox) also doing an introspection?

anyone get my point?

Cbox has been told that he is NOT being excluded, that he has been asked to wait until he calms down before he is authorised to access the chat. That is all. Again, this has been over dramatised until it becomes bigger than what it really is.

moomin wrote:Cbox has been told that he is NOT being excluded, that he has been asked to wait until he calms down before he is authorised to access the chat. That is all. Again, this has been over dramatised until it becomes bigger than what it really is.

I"m quite calm moomin just like I was yesterday. I haven't been in a chat for a couple of weeks. The reason that I went back to chat now is because of all the personal problems that I have going on in my life. I"m at a point where I need support. I was also told yesterday that there were people that didn't want me in chat, and that is what was preventing me from being allowed to enter. That is the reason for this thread. I do find the whole thing rather disappointing. So your comment is rather open ended, when will that be today, tomorrow, 2 weeks, 2 months from now.. Like I said I'm not gonna play games and I'm not going to beg and plead with you. Wouldn't you want to give me the support when I need it?

So yes... you did say I wasn't excluded, but your failure to give specifics leads me to believe that I'm not included either.

And, I'm still quite calm!!!

Lol @exclamation marks.

Cbox, I'm pming you with the link. I understand that you need support now, and I'm willing to give you the chance.

Moomin

Thank - you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's some more to lol at...

I feel like I am in high school again, panicked with my lunch tray, trying to figure out where I'm going to sit, or if anyone will invite me, or if I will end up sitting on the floor again with all the Kurt Cobainers.

I mean, seriously, has it gotten to a point where people are told they can't be part of chat? That's not right.

And Moomin, I know you're a mod over there and all, but this all seems to be getting a little ridiculous. Shouldn't the chat site just be posted on here, and anyone needing support and such be able to join?

I don't get all of this.

I love you all. I'm off my soapbox now.

<3

AMP

That's good because this is not really the place to discuss other sites and interpersonal drama's.