I bumped into my BPD Ex,I don't know what to do, Advice PLS?

Hey guys,

I would really appreciate some advice here.
Well basically I posted a question a few days back and explained how much i miss my EX after not seeing him for 3-4 months, even though i've got a new boyfriend now i can't help but compare my relationship with my EX to the one im currently in now. I was learning to deal with it though but then on Friday i was walking to work and bumped into him. I didn't know what to do, the first thing he did was hug me and tell me that he missed me (Even though I didn't believe him) its kinda obvious he put me in black when we split up; Anyway we got along really well... i hated it! because im trying to get over him + it was the last thing i wanted... We exchanged numbers + then i stayed round his house Friday night... He has a girlfriend now, + i have a boyfriend.. I've never done anything so sneaky in my life, i do feel ridiculously guilty but my feelings towards him are so strong that i couldn't help myself. I do really love my EX more than i've ever loved ANYONE and we have a relationship that i cannot explain, and i LOVE spending time with him.. I hate being without him but on the other hand when we were together there was alot of flaws... when the other side of his personality comes out he can get abusive. When hes in white mode he is the nicest, sweetest man in the world! but when he turns into black mode im always the one in the wrong, i get extremely manipulated and im bad with dealing with it so i probably make the argument worse :/ Hes told me hes changed now hes off his meds etc! but thats been the 5635678 time i've heard this in the past.! + i dont know dfghdjkdgfh im so confused.. i don't know what to do. I can't speak to my best friend about it b/cause i know what she will say as she really likes my current boyfriend! and i really like him to he treats me really well! My brains just messed up at the moment, i love my ex so much but i don't know if he'll ever change but sometimes I feel like i don't care if he doesn't anyway because i enjoy spending time with him so much! Hes got a girlfriend at the moment, + i don't know how he feels towards her but he said hes only with her, because shes a 'good girl' that will keep him good + keep him off drugs... but i know thats a complete lie! me and him were together for 2 years previously, i started dating him at the age of 16 so he was also my first love.. i grew up with him. I don't know what to doooo

What would you do in my situation?

Also if a borderline is answering i appreciate that alot also because you will know whats going on in his head more than i do, and it would be nice to explain that to me?

Advice really appreciated!!!

So it's abusive when your together right?

Well there is your answer.

You probably both like to be abused (for whatever reason )

It sounds like you both have new partners that treat you well and are more stable with. And while you appreciate that there probably isn't that " spark "

But it's not really a spark as much as it probably is conditioning.

It's hard to change. I know. Exsp when it comes to who you date.

I mean if you guys both had therapy and changed and were able to have a " stable relationship" than yea get back together.

But the funny thing is, as much as you say you'd want that you probably wouldn't.

It's hard when we are taught what is right is wrong and what wrong is right.

You know what I mean?

So I would think hard about why you feel you " love" someone like him so much.

I'd do that.

I feel you though.

I have a very strong principle I go by. If you break up, that's it forever.
There was a reason you broke up, so you need to remember the reason/s for why that happened.
It's really unlikely this finished on good terms for it to work again, as you have just said yourself.

I know you feel you love the BPD ex, but for your own sake, I would stay with the current boyfriend. It sounds a lot more stable.

And yes, this is coming from a BPD.

I don't have BPD but this one seems really easy (although I know it's a hard situation to be in). I always say don't ###$ up a good thing; if your current BF is good to you and good for you forget the old one. You have no obligation to talk to him even if you bump into him unexpectedly.

Remember how bad it was the first time, and how long it took to get there.

This time around, the journey from a to b (nice to nasty) will be much faster.

Enjoy your roller-coaster.


Above poster is right, once it is over, it is over. Do not go back.

Yes, I'm one of them.


But, I would like to remind you, we're not all bad. And, we can (and do) love very deeply. But as far as he is concerned - not you. You are disposable.

Remember that.

If it was all that for him, he could never let you go, and you'd be the one running.

Dont go back.

I am very bpd. He probably does miss you. He probably means everything he says, deeply. However, i have found that with some people i am more healthy than with others. If it got unhealthy it will again. And again. And again, et cetera.

I would keep him at arms length or completely out. You will get over him and love another. This new girl may be better for him too.

Good rule of thumb: if you have to hide it from everyone it may be unhealthy. This appllies to relationships, drugs, alcohol and more.stuff. think about it.

If the relationship with the BPD ex was based on abuse, and the relationship with your current boyfriend is going well, tell your ex to kick rocks. No point in messing up a good thing you got going.

If it's the 5635678th time he's told you he's changed, then I guarantee you he hasn't.