Signs you may be in a relationship with someone with BPD??

I'm wondering if there are some signs someone with BPD may exhibit prior to the more obvious ones exhibited when someone is split black?? Any and all suggestions on this would be appreciated folks! I know I"m writing this for many others who don't like to post so please keep that in mind when commenting.

I believe the abandonment fears and self harm are the most prominent sign that someone could be, but not everyone afflicted with it self harms; nor will all project their emotions/pain outward either (yelling, etc.). Even with the disorder, they are still unique/different people who meet varying criteria in the DSM-IV.

Based on my experience and the knowledge gained from the great members of this forum, I could probably type out a list of things that are common for many with BPD but the truth is you will never really know one way or another unless they are diagnosed by a professional. In some cases, even a healthy/normal person can do some of the things I'd list - if the circumstances are right.

If you're having difficulties with your relationship and you feel BPD answers many questions you have about those difficulties, then I think you would be doing yourself (and them) more justice by assuming that they are in some kind of emotional pain. I'd suggest learning and using some validation techniques (SET/UP, etc.) if you are looking for ways to help your relationship. There's a lot of information about those online and they can help increase trust and improve communication which may provide you with more information about how they are feeling/thinking.

If you're dead set on "signs", there is a recent post about "What Triggers You" that may give you a few things BPD sufferers react to negatively and, in some cases, how a few members react in those situations.

I hope this helped.

Although I admittedly find this somewhat irritating, I clicked on this thread knowing that it was probably going to be triggering, so I will take responsibility for bringing this unto myself.

Regardless. To answer your question.

I think the easiest thing to pick out, when first meeting a person that is truly borderline, is the feeling of instantly "clicking" or the notion that this person is "perfect for you".

There tends to be instant "chemistry" or feigned closeness, and the ability of one of us to mirror, whether intended or not, is in full gear when we are making a first impression.

AMP

[*]MAY TRIGGER[*]











You’re not going to win: they are always ten steps ahead of you at any given point.

As Ali states: In the beginning, you’ll think that your ship has finally come in…this is your soul mate…the one and only…and all of this occurs in a frighteningly small period of time: <month.

Emotional lability: things are bound to change at the drop of a dime, and often do for no readily definable reason; interpersonal behaviour will appear stable, but is often punctuated by moments of chaos. Its intensity is dependant upon the severity of the condition within the sufferer, understandably.

Emotional lability is directly tied to behaviour, so their focus will be easily swayed by their mental state: interests will come and go, people will come and go, etc.

Tying the last two themes together, you’ll periodically experience a, “Where did that come from!” moment with your partner, where they will do or say something that, from your perspective, seems entirely inexplicable.

Most people are bothered by the inconsistent reinforcement that results from being exposed to their condition: your partner will be hanging off your arm thinking you’re great one moment, then you’ll note that they suddenly disappear into the ether and are unresponsive the next.

These people are hardy survivors, however, and it’s important to be supportive, but not let yourself be swept up in the tumult that will naturally appear in the relationship from time to time.

Signs you may be in a BPD relationship? Why not read the DSM? That would make more sense.

To explain the black and white thinking/splitting better, for a relationship, would be for example, if you don't reply to her text within like 5 minutes, she would probably think you don't care about her etc. She'll keep checking on her phone until you reply. If you don't reply soon enough, then she's gonna be angry and upset with you.

And maybe she admitted she loves you before you love her, and you don't say it back, so she feels very rejected. Same with if she says "I love you" on the phone, or in person or in a text or whatever, if you don't return the same words, she would just think the worst and probably get into the whole BPD thing of raging, or getting extremely upset.

Another example in the household, between parent-child, would be like, the dad says to the BPD daughter something like "You didn't take the trash out today". She's probably gonna think that he hates her.

Obviously every BPD is different, but I am just giving examples of black and white thinking. It's basically an all or nothing thing. "If you're not with us; you're against us".

We generally have horns and a tail. So if you don't notice those when first meeting us, more fool you.

From Mars wrote:We generally have horns and a tail. So if you don't notice those when first meeting us, more fool you.

Shhhh. Don't tell him!

Also <3 Angelina Jolie. I am in love with her I swear.

Lia_Interrupted wrote:Shhhh. Don't tell him!

Also <3 Angelina Jolie. I am in love with her I swear.

Ohh me too. She's amazing.

I totally think that she's BPD. I really do.

AMP

B1g_Ben wrote:I'm wondering if there are some signs someone with BPD may exhibit prior to the more obvious ones exhibited when someone is split black??

As for me, I suddenly split someone black and exhibit it promptly, so there can be no sign prior to that.