Signs you may be in a relationship with someone with BPD??

Another thing to look for is signs of injury. After there has been what you would consider a random outburst, but the other person obviously felt hurt, see if you can't spot any cut or burn marks later that day (taking a shower with the person the next morning is the easiest way).

JohnnyBlaze wrote:Another thing to look for is signs of injury. After there has been what you would consider a random outburst, but the other person obviously felt hurt, see if you can't spot any cut or burn marks later that day (taking a shower with the person the next morning is the easiest way).

If I ever thought someone was trying to shower with me in the morning only to figure out they're searching for marks, I'd get pissed because I'd be expecting some friskiness in the shower instead!

signs that you are in a relationship with someone with bpd: they are amazingly good-looking.

ladyswan wrote:If I ever thought someone was trying to shower with me in the morning only to figure out they're searching for marks, I'd get pissed because I'd be expecting some friskiness in the shower instead!

The truth is, if they suspect, they ARE going to check, one way or the other. At least this way, as the checkee, you get a little something-something in the process. If I'm about to be examined, I'd much rather a girl strip down and invite me into the shower, than have her sitting at a kitchen table, asking me to roll up my sleeves. One way, I get action; the other way, I get coffee.

And, if I can figure out what I did yesterday to earn this exploratory shower, I may try it again, in the hopes that I get a repeat performance tomorrow!

This post was intended to be serious as the people - myself included - who are wondering about this have been devastated and DO NOT wish to be crushed, burned, emotionally destroyed, etc... ever again by someone with this disorder. Myself I have read through the DSM, practically every article I can get my hands on, some books but felt that people suffering from the disorder would have insight into other "give aways" that may help a non avoid any pain or heart ache. At the very least to let them be aware they may be dealing with someone who has BPD or something similar under the cluster B disorders. The idea behind this post was prevention of hurt instead of trying to make sense of it all and collect what little is left of emotions, self-esteem, etc.. after the inevitable fallout...

Thank you to those that respectfully answered this post, your responses were and are appreciated!

if you lurk here a little, you will also find that there are bpd's who are looking for ways to stay out of abusive relationships. oddly enough---yes, bpd's are prone to find abusive partners too. in fact, i'm sometimes drawn to people who mirror my original abuse like a drug.

and yes, i can also be very emotionally abusive. so can many non's.

it just seems a little polarizing to me. (me: the queen of all or nothing and polarization .) but in the end, i'm not so sure that this is a bpd vs. non-bpd issue: how to stay out of abusive relationships, how to leave them, etc.

i wonder what would happen if someone showed up on, say, a ptsd forum, or a dementia forum or a schizophrenia forum---also disorders known to have extremely painful effects on loved ones---and asked how to spot the early warning signs of these disorders, so that people with these disorders can be avoided.

it kind of places those posting in a no-win situation. 'yes: i can explain how you can avoid me. in the mean time, i'll go into obsessive bouts of self-hatred about my disorder.'

(btw, my response: 'they're amazingly good-looking' may seem somewhat flippant, given the expanded context. it was really my attempt at gallows humor. either i have body dysmorphic disorder or i go through periods of extreme physical grotesqueness on an objective level. given my alternatives, i hope it's the first... but you never know.

i thought if you were asking the question because you wanted to offer support to a loved one with bpd, you might see the odd humor in it. if you were asking the question to demonize---then i could be equally flippant.

either way, i was hedging my bets. )

peace----

Well put Irene. You found a polite way to state what, in all likelihood, many others here were thinking.