silent treatment 2 (triggering)

...So i tried and tried not to call him all day, but tonight i tried again several times... no reply.Tonight i was lying in bed, and thinking and my anger was growing, and my love and longing turned to hate...i sent him some pretty horrible texts, and now i feel like i am crumbling inside.
I just wish that i come down with a bad cold or the flu or something, so i can just lie in bed and be sick.
I'm pretty low with money too; and have argued with more than one person at work, so i am pretty sure that everybody hates me...even work is hell.
Waiting to start therapy, medications are not helping much. They are sooo slow in this country..these are the moments where i wish i had already started my therapy.
Sorry, i just had to get this off my chest
M

It may not feel like it, but you're doing a really good job getting through this.

You'll be OK.

It doesn't feel like that right now. It won't feel like that for a while, but you'll get through this.

One exercise I felt in disempowering my ex was the following:

Name five positive attributes about the person you feel abandoned you:

Name five positive things about yourself:

Now, describe in more realistic terms the person you feel abandoned you... the good, and the bad. Everything.

Now, write a sentence elevating yourself. Give yourself compliments. Really dig deep and find the good in yourself, and describe it in explicit detail.

thanks,i'll try

We're here for you.
And while it may not feel like it... you're not doing too badly at getting through this.
<3
SmileXx

thank you. Loving your purple cat by the way x

Cheshire Cat.
We always got a smile for you.
^_^

I've been exactly where you are. Hopefully you are dealing with a very different sort of person than I was.

One thing I do know - if you want to keep someone, especially a man, you have to be unavailable to THEM. I think every person, even normies, have some sort of desire to pursue. Don't let this get out of hand. Stop contacting him. Delete his number from your phone - enlist a friend to try and keep you from contacting him - find a "no contact" support group online.

More than anything - talk to a therapist about this. I don't know how to make this cycle stop. I haven't figured it out myself. Maybe you want to keep him, maybe you don't. But the point is, you won't have a CHOICE if you continue to contact him. Post here if it helps.

No contact is tough - I get it.

thank you for your advice, you are all very sweet

Honey I've been where you are, more times than I'd like to admit.
I know exactly how that goes. You feel neglected, and then you start thinking of all the stuff that pisses you off and how it's not fare that you're being ignored when all you wanna do is come from the heart. Then.. then the anger. Followed by the "Oh crap,what have I done? I done ###$ up" feeling that is all consuming and physical.
I don't exactly know how to cope well myself,but if it helps you're not alone. I live the same nightmare.

Thank you for your support, it's nice to know that i am not alone. x