On Hating Random People *TRIGGERING?*

I'm still pretty new here, and I've been looking over the forum and using the search to try to find other topics similar to the ones I'd like to ask about, and I apologize in advance if this has already come up and somehow I missed it.

I live in a very crowded city, and I find that I quickly get irritated with random, outside people.
I love the people close to me, like my friends, husband and son, but once I get out into the big mass of humanity, I really find myself losing my patience.

Does anyone else get this way? Is it normal for pwBPD?

Maybe I'm just a crank or something, but I almost feel myself getting red in the face if I get stuck walking behind a group of old ladies babbling away in the crowded train station, strolling aimlessly, while I'm hurrying to try to get to my train. In situations like these, it can be very difficult to get away from people who are slowing everyone down in front of you, because the places are so jammed with people!

A perfect example of a real life incident where this happened was a few days ago. My husband and I were waiting in line for something where you have to choose what you want from behind several glass cases. The people in front of us were these two dizzy loudmouth women with HUGE STROLLERS. They ordered, and proceeded to park their strollers right in front of the glass while they waited so that I couldn't see properly to order. They just kept standing there, absent-mindedly babbling away, IN the way, without a care for what anyone around them was trying to do. I ended up selecting what I wanted from what I could manage to see (because I'm a foreigner living in a country where you don't "cause scenes." This society operates almost entirely on passive-aggressive behavior, and even asking someone nicely to please move so that you can do what you have to do can be considered pretty rude. Beyond that, being a foreigner here also means I'm the sole representative for every caucasian in the entire world, no matter where I am, so I always have to watch my behavior, lest I make everyone think we're all uncouth brutes or something...Sadly, the stereotype is already in place, thanks to people who have BEEN uncouth brutes while visiting here. >_< ).

The whole time, I grew angrier and angrier with these jerks inside myself, and made a sarcastic remark to my husband that I'd love to take those damn strollers and chuck them down the escalator nearby. OF COURSE I WAS JOKING - I'd never actually do anything like that, but the thought of something so utterly silly tends to help me cope with the feeling that I'd just love to clock these chicks for being so inconsiderate, and try to laugh about it. I was pissed, though.

Anyway, I'm not proud of it, but it happens a lot. We have a couple with a new baby next door to us, and we can hear it screaming right through our wall. Boom - I instantly hate the kid and wish they'd shut it up. On the other side of us is a couple with several kids...One of which is constantly screaming (it's probably 3 or 4 years old already, and still has uncontrollable tantrums) in an almost demonic way for long stretches. It makes me want to tear my hair out. I already didn't really like those neighbors because they have let their kids run wild (often right in front of our house) all the time, screaming and yelling, and they never once tell them to watch the volume (seeing as how it's a very crowded neighborhood, and the area in front of our house has kind of a courtyard, so every single sound is amplified 1000x or so. XD ).

I'm just learning about BPD, and would this kind of instant judgement and hatred of people be part of splitting? I always start off wanting to be positive and LIKE strangers, but some days I just feel like I need them all out of my way. I get so angry that there are so many inconsiderate people who will stand together in a huge group in front of, say, a subway turnstile, during rush hour, giggling and gossiping away without a single care about the people who are trying to make their way around them. All I'd love to do is actually just shove them out of the way, but of course I don't.

This isn't an every day feeling, but it does happen a lot, and I"m trying to figure out if this is a part of BPD, and if it is, and others of you have struggled with the same feelings, how have you put yourself into a better mindset? How do you calm yourself before you start fantasizing about beating someone to death with their own purse? XD

...Er, just to be clear, I'm kind of giggling and know I'm being a smart-@ss while I'm writing this, so I hope nobody thinks I'm a serial murderer in the making, just waiting for the right trigger to go ultimately postal. This is all about what's inside my head when I have to get out into the world and deal with the people around me - I would certainly, and have never, actually hurt anyone I've been irritated with out on the street. Used to get into verbal altercations back in my home country, but that's because it's the kind of place where people are constantly in your face, and it's been 4 years since I've been back there. I'm a lot more mellow now. Just left with the thoughts.

Does anyone else have days where you just hate everyone in your path?
How do you manage those feelings so you don't stress yourself into a migraine or something?
I really don't want to get to where it might affect me that much.

Yep, splitting. My usual way of coping with the random stranger rage is dissociating, but I wouldn't recommend that
Lately, when I'm alone I crank up my ipod with some angst-y music and just rage past them, when I'm with someone else I try and focus on that person and ignore my surroundings.

Does anyone else have days where you just hate everyone in your path?
How do you manage those feelings so you don't stress yourself into a migraine or something?
I really don't want to get to where it might affect me that much.

Yes I have many days like this in fact maybe only 1 day a week when I don't want kill all in my path but it's manageable now. The worst is at work and the main reason I haven't given up smoking.

Drugs (legal ones) can be a good option to help train yourself calming techniques as they can slow the brain down and give you time to think.

Self soothing is a great one. Breath, acknowledge and move on/distraction... and then go punch something and/or have someone that you can call or speak to in person that you can vent about these problems.

Move to a remote town - just joking, but a possibility

You are not alone, it happens to me a lot, some days are worse than others.

I can't remember the last time I didn't feel that way. It's almost like a panic attack every time I go to the store. In fact, it happened this morning when I went to the grocery store. My anger and insecurities just become overwhelming. Trivial things just start to trigger me and my thoughts domino.

yep.

I thank all you guys for your responses!
I'm relieved to not be all alone in feeling this way from time to time.
I definitely like to listen to music while I'm walking all over the place, and it can be helpful, so maybe I need to just focus more on using it to shift my attention away from the people I'd like to strangle to really make it work at the time. XD

Thanks again!