Crushed *Triggering*

(((HUUUGS BACK)))

lander083077 wrote:

Chaudement wrote:I wouldn't worry about her at all, she sounds like a floosy... You deserve kindness and respect. Not some little tramp emailing every guy on there...

I wish i could write her off like that, and convince myself to believe it. But I can't. This is part the torture i feel after every break-up. I am not sure that my feelings about the situation match up with reality. I get lost. I should have wrote about it, including the details in this post, and asked the opinion of this forum before taking an action, but i was impulsive.

Regardless of all the above, I think it just wasn't a good match. Her insecurities matched with mine just wouldn't have worked.

Thanks for posting Chaudement, it makes me feel a little better knowing maybe someone is on my side.

Dude That's sucks!
You hurt, You've been Hurt B4
Most people In here have, I'm not going to say she was nothing, she meant something to you and that is what matters here, You do not hate her if she came back today you might be happy, but for how long?
I'm sure this was tough on her too there was connection you know that in your heart right or am I wrong?
I do not know how long you connected with her?
I would say if this went on for say two years further than today, what would the loss feel like then...., They say things happen for a reason, maybe they do?

I think it just wasn't a good match. Her insecurities matched with mine just wouldn't have worked.

This is something you both may have figured out on some level.

Miss Ali is going through her own hurt please keep that in mind, being as you know how this pain feels, she had a knee jerk reaction and could not relate where you are. Miss Ali may not realize she has people in here she relates to until they are gone.

It would seem you have many concerned people here.
I do not really know you lander but what can I say I am part of the disordered human race.

Good night.

Hi lander-

I owe you an apology. I was tired and cranky (NOT AN EXCUSE), and just went off. I am sorry to have hurt your feelings, and hope that we can continue being forum friends.

I am totally new to the gaming internet world, I guess I'm an old fart. That stuff didn't exist in my day, and I truly am sorry.

I suck sometimes, I'm not going to lie.

But I do promise to try harder in the future to be more understanding.

<3

AMP

MissAli wrote:I suck sometimes, I'm not going to lie.

We all have moments, MissAli. You don't suck.
<3

Oh Smile, today I do!!!

And lander, hon - really, I'm sorry.

AMP

Hey there.......

I know what me and this woman had wasn't much at all. But when you have nothing, you value the smallest things.

That's pretty brilliant.



I know you feel bad and it isn't going to be easy to explore the brilliance of what you have written.....but if you can learn to accept the logic of what you already know, times like this can be slightly less painful.



What did you really have with this person? A dopamine response.........and a narrative based on your perspective and understanding of that response.........

Your brain was conditioned to release certain chemicals when you were around her, (or thinking about her).........this conditioning, wasn't based on her......but the symbol she represented to you.


All this happens automatically, without our control/awareness..............so we come up with stories, like "love" and "romance" etc........and when those things end, we also come up with stories like "we're unloveable" "we're doomed/unlucky"..........



What you had was special. But what you have now, (the ability to change your point of view about what you had) is also special.


You never cared about her, you cared about how she made you feel. She never cared about you, just about how you made her feel. How you made each other feel, good or bad..........has nothing to do with you or her........but on a serious of events that conditioned you, to seek out certain symbols and cues in your environment.


Now that you realise what you have with her isn't working..........or is over..............there is no need to continue to mythologise it........no need to over-romanticise it...........it's just chemicals in your brain, released in certain sequences in response to yadda-yadda-yadda.................

You feel crushed, but you don't have to. You can feel grateful........you can feel angry, you can feel happy...you can feel anything you want...........it's just easier to feel crushed, cause you're looking at it that way, because you are conditioned to.

Someone else, will crush you! : )

And maybe next time, you'll be able to pop back to size a little easier............

You are intelligent and you are trying to let your mind rule your emotions. The smart thing is to get her out of your life, she sounds like nothing but heartbreak. She seems to need a lot of attention and is somewhat selfish. You need a woman who sees you for who you are, not for the attention you show her. Emotional attraction isn't easily controlled and you have been contending with this for a while. There are good women out there for you, maybe even some that are interested in you now, but you don't see them because of this woman. Stay the course, occupy your time with things that interest you, start running or other exercise to clear your head and relieve some of your intense emotions. Exercise is a mood elevator. Hugs.

You know I am happily married now, but it took me many years to find the right man. I had a boyfriend in high school, he was very popular and good-looking, everyone thought I was so lucky. He was cool and fun. When we broke up I was crushed. Years later, I ran into him, he was divorced from the woman he left me for, he was a complete drunk, no job, no further education and he had lost his looks. I was lucky to have broken up with him, but I certainly didn't feel that way when it happened.

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You are intelligent and you are trying to let your mind rule your emotions.

I try. Do a ton of failing at that, but I do try. It's been a couple days now since her and I last talked. The urge to open up MSN and talk to her has greatly diminished. so... i think she is gone for good.. and I'm starting to feel that is OK. It helps a lot too when people steal your coffee and pretend to be an allergic cat (you know who u are!).

Thank you for your post Alizarine, you always know the right things to say. You and your husband are lucky to have found each other. Gives me hope that I might find someone too, when my life is back in order.

i know i'm a little late to the discussion, but i see what happened too---i find text and online relationships can be really intense: sometimes more intense than f2f in some ways because it feels safer to share things you might not share otherwise. that's my experience anyway. they can seem like a refuge if you're afraid of abandonment---but again, they can be so intense.

i'm glad you're getting support and you seem like you have a good start on getting free of it. it sounded painful.

i'm not good at this, but i know it helps me sometimes to have someone just say sometimes: 'yep. it sucks. but it doesn't suck forever.' so that's what i'll say.