I don't understand...

Am I a monster?

Chaudement wrote:Am I a monster?

Absolutely NOT. Obviously I'm not aware of the details of what you're going through Chaude, but please remember that nobody's pefect.

I wish I could say more, but I'm not sure what to write.........if you need to vent I'll get on chat?

Don't let what someone thought badly about you on an internet forum (one you don't even post on, nonetheless) get to you. They don't even know you, and they're all just trying to villify/stereotype all BPD.

I know it's easier said than done, but try your best to ignore it. They can live in their deluded little fantasy world where they think they're perfect because they haven't been diagnosed with anything, but truthfully, pretty much everyone on this forum is more respectful and insightful to our own behavior than they are.

They took your quote out of context and had nooooo idea that you hardly know your uncle. Hell, I just went to my first funeral (my mom's mom) in September of 2010. Although I had interacted with my grandma many times throughout my life, the connection was never there, and I felt nothing when she passed, except I felt uncomfortable seeing my mother cry. I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to leave and go home because it was my birthday that weekend and I didn't want to spend it in and out of a funeral home. In fact, I took prescription drugs from her house before I left (can I get in trouble for admitting that?)... I figured she wasn't going to be taking them.

Don't feel bad about what you did; other people have done worse.

no chaudement...you're NOT!

hugs for you....

Chaudy

Firstly (((hugs)))

It's awful to open up and then have your confidences made public and ridiculed. It's a really horrible and hateful thing for them to do, and yet they wouldn't do it to someone else who doesn't have BPD.

Or maybe they would, because honestly the OP sounds like a monster herself. They are the monsters for doing that Chaudy, not you.

All you did was be honest with your own feelings, and there is no right or wrong way to feel. You feel the way you feel, that's it. If you don't feel, you might question why, which you did, and it isn't a crime not to feel. If you do feel, then bully for you, you haven't got to do all the soul searching.

Seriously though, would you even consider the opinions of some hateful and random strangers who don't mean anything to you? Would you believe what they said over yourself ? As far as Im concerned they're perfectly entitled to their opinions, but their opinions show how ignorant and judgemental they really are, and how much they actually exhibit the very things they accuse us of.

Goodness no, you're not a monster.

I watched Shutter Island last night (complete mindfvck btw) and he said at the end, he'd rather die as a hero than live as a monster. To me, this means it's a matter of perspective. Meaning, it's more important how you value yourself than what others' opinions of you.

I'm sad you are taking this to heart, you don't deserve to believe this about yourself. I know it's hard to not internalize that kind of thing but remember, BPD isn't WHO YOU ARE, it is WHAT YOU HAVE.

Best, prayers, hugs, many many good thoughts to you.

No Chaudement you are not a monster at all, and don't let people who don't even know you tell you you're a monster, they are clueless about you. They are just hurting and trying to find someone or something to blame, because they had someone in their life who did act like a monster to them and that person dumped them and left them in the dirt without ever taking responsibility or apologizing for the way they treated them, and their ex likely had a BPD diagnosis, so they are looking for more BPDs to blame, even though not all of us are alike. It has nothing to do with you, this is all about their world being shattered, they have no other answers except to read things online.

I just have to say this. I'm considered a "non" on these boards, although I know that I have issues that I must claim as my very own. I'm on these boards because of a long-term relationship I was in with some sort of cluster B suffering man. He's never been formally diagnosed and I doubt he will ever be but after living with him and then trying to educate myself about the issues in our relationship, I landed here.

I also have an account on bpdfamily although I never post there. I actually found that site first. Honestly, I'd rather be here because I feel the best way to understand and educate oneself is by learning from those people who are living with the symptoms every day.

Being on BPD family actually makes me uncomfortable for the very same reasons you all have already addressed. NONE OF YOU ARE MONSTERS! None. Not one. It makes my heart ache to think of what it must be like to read some of those posts over there. And it makes me rather angry to see people ready and willing to sling mud without taking into consideration one's own pathology and the part they have played.

I actually applaud each and every one of you for having the strength and courage to post here and for trying to improve your life. Most of them would rather just wallow in self-pity and point fingers than truly looking inside themselves. It's easier to keep their own masks on and make it someone else's fault.

So, please don't ever feel like you're less than anyone else in this world. Please remember that even though it isn't said often, there are many many people lurking that are benefitting from YOU. I happen to think you are all pretty awesome and I'm ever so thankful for the lessons you've taught me and the education you've given me. So.....THANK YOU! I would give each and every one of you a great big bear hug if I could!

I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!

Not at all C

Your beautiful to me.

They can talk all $#%^ about our posts they want.

They will never know anything.

If anything I just feel sorry for them. They will keep doing what they do till their 70.

I don't really know you, and I'm fairly new to the board, I'm also a NON.
But I bet you're not a monster, cause in my opinion, monsters don't ask if they're a monster

Like said before, nobody's perfect
Don't beat yourself up...

Hugs, Muranyi