Dating Services and BPD... Thoughts?

MissAli wrote:So anyways, after lying on a few of those choice questions, I'm now an active member.

Hi Miss Ali,

Sorry to gatecrash the BPD forum. I was just curious why you chose to lie on those questions. How do you think it will assist you?

I have used eHarmony before, and my understanding is that nobody can see your answers to the personality matching questions. By answering honestly, wouldn't you increase your chances of being matched with people you are more compatible with? Isn't that the whole point of using a matchmaking site like eHarmony?

there's no rush in finding a perfect one miss alli.
i personally don't believe there really is a perfect sumone for sumone because no one is flawless. but the "take and give" and the "acceptance and toleration" towards each others that make people ideal for others.

I would like to have dinner and remember what its like to be treated like a lady and talked to like a normal human being

if you said it, it will be the opposite of what you really want. above seems like you want to have anyone at all, not important whether they're ideal or not, as long as it reminds you how it feels to be a lady while you actually want someone worth.

there's nothing wrong to try online dating service. but if you're not sure yet of what you want, then i think it will be better to take it slow on them and tell them what you really hope on the relation. you might lost some candidate by saying what you want. but why you even want to spend hours useless for a relationship you don't want, rite?

They should making a dating services for just our kind lol

I would have replied much earlier, but my computer at work crashed today, and had to be re-imaged, and now my computer at home has taken a crap, and most likely has a virus. I'm getting registry erros all over the place. YUCK.


ANyways... back to the questions above:

Platypus- no, it would have been wonderful to be honest on EVERY question, however the ones that I found very difficult to not sound like a raving psycho on, were ones such as:

On the following 5 pt scale, how likely is it that you get mad or in a rage?
On the following 5 pt scale, how likely are you to rate yourself as emotionally stable?


I mean, honestly, those questions pretty much rule out a BPD person. I wish we could pick Pt. #6 - ask me about this in a private message to discuss further. LOL :0)

I've talked to one guy in email, and he seems very nice and is cute. I'm not looking for anything super-serious right now, but I guess what I'm getting from everyone's overwhelming perception is that I should just ease off the dating scene and chill...

Good advice :0). I love having you guys around. I seriously wish they had a dating site for BPD's.

AMP

MissAli wrote:I mean, honestly, those questions pretty much rule out a BPD person.

Are you sure about that?
All those questions are going to do is rank you on a scale of emotionality. There is no right or wrong answer - it depends on what each person is looking for and/or compatible with!

I'm almost never mad. It's like I don't know how to release anger. I just bottle it up. The upside of this is that I seem easy to live with and rarely start arguments with a partner. The downside is I don't share problems or bad feelings to a partner, so we can never address them and work out a solution. And eventually I collapse under everything I've bottled-up.

So maybe I'd score 1 on how likely I am to get mad. And there may be some men who would find that appealing because they dislike confrontation and emotional displays. Most of my boyfriends have been emotionally-repressed themselves; I don't think that's purely coincidental.

And there will also be men who like it when women say what's on their mind and express themselves - men who are not afraid of displays of strong emotion, and see that as being healthier than bottling things up. Aren't they the type of people you'd want to be matched with?

In my opinion, hiding 'quirks' is not a good idea on dating sites. Most people don't want to date bland and normal. They want to find someone who stands out and appeals to them. And we're all attracted to different things.

For example, a lot of women pretend to be thinner than they are on dating sites by using old photos and lying about their weight. They think that it will increase their chances of finding Mr. Right. Instead, men who are attracted to their slimmer photos will contact them, and then be disappointed when they meet on a date. Whereas if they used current photos and were honest, they would attract men who were attracted to their current figure, and who would find their appearance pleasing when they meet on a date.

So I don't think you should pretend to be something you're not. I'm sure you are attractive and desirable without needing to lie.

I sometimes go on dating sites but inevitably last about a week or two before I deactivate my profile. I have pretty high standards (looks / education / creativity) and there are few people who meet that. Even then, when you encounter people who seem to fit what you are looking for in real life - they are often not what they have represented themselves to be. I find blind dating really stressful. That said, I have met some good friends on those sites - not real close friends, but nice people.

Sometimes I feel social, sometimes I don't. Sounds like what you need, Alli, is an ego boost, not a man. You can get that from a dating site. It can ease loneliness, etc. But in the long run I've never met anyone that worked well for me.

But then again, nobody measures up to Mr. perfect evil from my past. The only guy that would satisfy me, would be an academic / artist / writer or something like that. I think I'm looking at a long lonely spinster life with my cats.

My cats are awesome btw.

Good for you for getting rid of Mr. Make-You -Feel-Bad about your weight. What a pri(k.