I lost friends

I'm glad you feel understood here, Distortedgirl. This is a really supportive forum.
Have you heard from them since you last reached out?

*hugs*

Evol

Hi, Evol

Thank you for considering me. I feel people here are very supportive and caring for each other.

Evol222 wrote: Have you heard from them since you last reached out?

Yes, I did in a very cold way. I was not hurt so much.

Somewhere deep in my inside, I am hurt very badly, very sad, and blaming myself, but on surface, I don't feel so badly as I did not for the past several years. I think I finally rebuilt my shell around my mind.

I had struggled to rebuild my shell for these few months. I wondered why I couldn't but now I think I know why. For these few months, I thought I could trust them and felt I was protected by them, so I acctually did not need my shell. Now, I lost them, and really need my shell, so I rebult it.

Wish everyone has soomething good this week.

distortedgirl wrote:For these few months, I thought I could trust them and felt I was protected by them, so I acctually did not need my shell.

Just for a correction, since I think "I felt I was protected by them" is not correct. Maybe I wanted to relate with them, so did not want to build a shell around me.

Cannot change the past.

In there position I would have gotten incredibly irriatated and annoyed being told "You guys are going to leave me, I just know it." You knew nothing: you created a self-fulfilling prophecy and are now blaming it on them. Also, do you not know how incredibly offensive all that you said to them is? Look at it from their perspective: "Ok, we know this girl has got problems but we're overlooking them and working to give her a chance and be her friend." all the while you're saying "Screw you all and the work you're putting in for me. Also, I have absolutely no faith, trust, respect or appreciation for any of you and just wanted you to know that."

Damn right you lost your friends. You are creating these scenerios yourself well beforehand and then when it plays out according to plan you say "See, I knew it." You think they abandoned you in the end, no, you abandoned them in the beginning. Fate was sealed -- you sealed it.

Hi Apocallcaps,

Yeah, I lost *friends* in a textbook-like way.

Yeah, well since you know what's going on just,.. work on it, hun. It's like a puzzle -- you just have to think a lot about it then work on it, rinse and repeat. You'll get there.

((hug))

Dry your eyes and keep your chin up, darling.

Apocallcaps wrote:Dry your eyes and keep your chin up, darling.

Thank you. How come you know how to cheer up me?

And, thank you for posting your comments after I calmed down. If I read your posts just after my first post, I would be hurt badly without sensing a kind of humor or warmth in your sentences.