Deliberately lowering expectations

Anyone else find themselves doing behaviors that ensures someone will not expect much out of them?

I missed two days in a row of a new class with a new instructor (never had him before, never seen him in the school) because the first day I had a small amount of hope that yes, I could actually ace this class because the guidelines are clear (and a few other reasons)

I believe I did this so that he won't think much of me (who would think much of someone who misses two 3 hour labs in a row) and I can just coast by like I always do.

Anyone have any insight to this, particularly with breaking the behavior.... any strategies you've used.

This may be therapy material, but alas, I must wait like 6 months for it for insurance reasons. Thanks all. Hope everyone is doing okay today!

kirayng wrote:Anyone else find themselves doing behaviors that ensures someone will not expect much out of them?

I missed two days in a row of a new class with a new instructor (never had him before, never seen him in the school) because the first day I had a small amount of hope that yes, I could actually ace this class because the guidelines are clear (and a few other reasons)

I believe I did this so that he won't think much of me (who would think much of someone who misses two 3 hour labs in a row) and I can just coast by like I always do.

Anyone have any insight to this, particularly with breaking the behavior.... any strategies you've used.

This may be therapy material, but alas, I must wait like 6 months for it for insurance reasons. Thanks all. Hope everyone is doing okay today!

This may be therapy material, because I don't get it. If I understand what you wrote correctly... you do this behavior so "whoever" won't expect much out of you, but then you say you missed two days of class because you could ace the test. Right? So the question I would have is, if you knew that you couldn't ace the test would you have shown up?

I do the same. My lecturers don't really expect much of me. They're all happy when I actually turn up to a lab

But I understand what you're doing, I do it too. Then people won't get so disappointed in us when we inevitably let them down... I think I will anyway...

But I'm not sure how to over-come this mindset, as it's very ingrained in myself. I'm trying to think of ways in which could motivate us both, but I have no motivation at the moment... I'm useless for advice..

Try thinking to yourself "I'm going to set these expectations for myself. I'm going to go to every lab class, on time. If I don't, I'm going to let myself down". Use it as a game of some sort, reward yourself each time you attend your classes and don't let yourself down. Buy yourself something, or have a bubble bath, go out to lunch, dye your hair a new colour. Whenever I start something new in my life, I always dye my hair a different colour. For me it symbolises a new beginning and it helps me stay on track. I know, it's a little strange, but it helps.

I hope I've been helpful! <3

Just going to float a hypothesis: maybe it isn't the professor's expectations you are trying to lower. Maybe it is your expectations. I say this because I know I do it. If we set ourselves up to fail, we can never be disappointed.

Just throwing it out there. Hugs and tme care. You can do this.

I am sorry for any typos, blame the evil bartender at the.pool.

T

I do this thign where I like to tell people everything that's wrong with me, especially the parts where I'm crazy, androgynous, kind of a slob and have a preoccupation with horror movies and serial killers... I mean that creates a really sketchy picture of me as a person, but I like it to be my first impression with people.

The first few times I met my boyfriend I threw everything I had at him... and all he could say was "you're so unique and interesting." That was really odd. Usually I say something awful or something too strange and they run, and I'm used to that, it's fine, but he dug it. Then, things calmed down. All the weird was out of the way, and he still likes the person I am...

But I HAD to set him up with the worst of it...
Admittedly I haven't told him about my sorrid past and a few other things, but it's not relevant information right now. I tell him on a need to know basis... still... I haven't managed to say anything to spook him yet... I think I'm in the clear there...

Chaudement wrote:I do the same. My lecturers don't really expect much of me. They're all happy when I actually turn up to a lab

But I understand what you're doing, I do it too. Then people won't get so disappointed in us when we inevitably let them down... I think I will anyway...

But I'm not sure how to over-come this mindset, as it's very ingrained in myself. I'm trying to think of ways in which could motivate us both, but I have no motivation at the moment... I'm useless for advice..

Try thinking to yourself "I'm going to set these expectations for myself. I'm going to go to every lab class, on time. If I don't, I'm going to let myself down". Use it as a game of some sort, reward yourself each time you attend your classes and don't let yourself down. Buy yourself something, or have a bubble bath, go out to lunch, dye your hair a new colour. Whenever I start something new in my life, I always dye my hair a different colour. For me it symbolises a new beginning and it helps me stay on track. I know, it's a little strange, but it helps.

I hope I've been helpful! <3

I think you got what I was talking about, and your advice is helpful - in fact it was something I hung onto today to get me to class and I did a great job and the instructor didn't even ask about my reasons for being absent.

It really comes down to motivation and like Tea mentioned, I think it is my expectations I'm lowering because I don't want to feel bad about myself so I don't try hard enough to possibly fail. It would be like adding salt to a wound.... know what I mean?