Are you an over communicator?

I have this problem. The obsessive need to have an answer NOW for EVERYTHING I want to know about. Unfortunately, this week I realized that it is terribly inconsiderate and shows that I am putting my own needs and feelings above those I love or work with. I found this article on a blog and thought it had a lot of good points:

http://begoodnotbad.com/article/are_you ... mmunicator

I think this is a particular problem for us, as BPD's tend to feel empty inside and need reassurance from others. We are also very impulsive and have problems with emotional regulation (i.e. our pain is so overwhelming it feels like THE most important thing in the world). The thing is - even if we are in pain, it doesn't give us the right to disrespect other people by being demanding of their time. Everyone has their own problems and their own time is precious to them.

Anybody else do this? Text / email / phone call / IM etc etc. Technology makes it easier to annoy people these days.

Someone once told me that it is like a ping pong game - you get a communication, you respond. Then you WAIT for another communication before you send another message / communication. Ping (receive) Pong (return). For some reason this is not a problem for me in the workplace, otherwise I would probably get fired. In personal relationships, however, I do it a lot and it shows a terrible lack of respect for other person's boundaries.

I don't know if this helps anyone - but I hope it does - I never stop to think, when I'm having one of my freakouts, that I may be hurting someone.

If anything I've always been an under communicator.
My mom used to ask me "what's wrong?" And I would tell her I didn't know...
People would say things to me and I had no response...
I like being around people, but I don't always have things to say to them. Strong silent type...
If I do have things to say, it's often non-sequitur, or makes very little sense at all. I'm a bit odd ball.
That's why I like forums so much, really.
I can think about something for a while before I post it, make sure it sounds right before I hit submit.
In real life I don't sound this good. Lol.

-SmileXx

It's definitely something to think about. I'm usually pretty patient, and I wouldn't say I'm impulsive, but I have been known to bombard my hubby with phonecalls when I have no idea when he'd be back or where he is.
It is selfish - it serves to make ME feel better, and it has nothing to do with him at all. These days I try not to call, just in case he's driving and he feels he needs to answer it, and then I'd worry he might crash. Again, it's My worry, and it serves to make ME feel better. Sometimes I wonder if I'm capable of actually caring for someone without it having to do with appeasing my feelings.

I skimmed through your post and yes I do this, ALOT!

Cbox the guy

Lol, got to know I'm not alone cbox.

Sorry I thought you were a girl.

Actually, you thought I was a catty bitch.

Don't worry about it.. No offense taken, and rather amusing if anything!!

moomin wrote:Sometimes I wonder if I'm capable of actually caring for someone without it having to do with appeasing my feelings.

Exactly...

I have this problem so badly right now!
For the most part I'm an under-communicator.. when people are actually listening to me and asking me what is wrong I usually don't know what to say to them...
However, if I feel like someone is abandoning me... well I bombard them with emails, texts, phone calls, etc... I will get into a panicky state of insecurity about our relationship and need reassurance RIGHT NOW. Otherwise, well, I might die of course.

Im an under communicator. When people ask whats wrong, I prefer not to talk about it and become monosyllabic.
When i need human contact or reassurance or validation, I will tend to contact someone once and wait for a response. I will however contact a lot of people once for attention, but Ill mever bombard a single person because im aware and fearful of coming across desperate. Spreading the feelers wide assures me of getting the things I need without appearing needy to any one person. If im after attention from a particular person, Ill reach put once and then control the impulse to do so again until I hear back.....and then I will brood and my mind will run wild.

dejamelie wrote:I have this problem so badly right now!
For the most part I'm an under-communicator.. when people are actually listening to me and asking me what is wrong I usually don't know what to say to them...
However, if I feel like someone is abandoning me... well I bombard them with emails, texts, phone calls, etc... I will get into a panicky state of insecurity about our relationship and need reassurance RIGHT NOW. Otherwise, well, I might die of course.

This is exactly me. Funny, but I thought this was a bpd thing - maybe it's an hpd thing - like "pay attention to me or something." But I also usually do it when I'm in panic mode - but I don't just bug the abandoning person - I bug my friends because apparently I can't seem to make a decision by myself.

Why is it that people get freaked out by long messages? Like if your email is more than one paragraph then you are psycho? I write letters - nobody talks on the phone nowadays - they only text, so thus you have to communicate SOMEHOW. I think I over communicated with this new guy - i made some demands - realized I was initiating all contact (even though he always answered) - and was like "you have to text or call me or I won't see you again." Then I deleted his number duh. Got it back from a mutual friend though - talked to him a bit today. He's having really bad panic attacks - probably because he's got anxiety, his parents are yelling at him because he wrecked his car (he just got out of school so they still help him out), and now he has this chick (me) that he's kinda into but just happens to be a decade older and have three children - which I'm sure freaks him out. It would freak ME out lol. So my over communicating has been selfish. He's dealing with a lot and I'm being pushy / demanding.

Sticking to my ping-pong rule. I think it's a good one. At least he's still talking to me.

I've done this before with other guys though - my ex HATED it that I texted him EVER. And I had another guy that I sort of drove away for the same reason.

Some people like it though - I had a guy chase me for a while (I wasn't feeling it) and he would text / email every day.

Ping. Pong. And remember, when feeling abandoned, that you are not going to die without that other person. You would LIKE to have them in your life, but if they aren't, life will go on and not be that bad.

Although I generally feel like it's pretty bad now. Depression galore. And I'm on a gazillion medications.

See - I ramble blah blah blah blah

thanks for listening lol.