Are you 'out'?

About your BPD? Who have you told, and why? Are you glad or sorry you told them?

Medical people aside, the only person in my life who knows about me is my husband. There's no way in hell I could ever tell anybody else. I definitely think people know there's something *wrong* with me, but I would never risk revealing exactly what it was.

Am I alone in this? Do you prefer to keep it a secret too?

I have hardly told anyone. My own family has virtually no interest in what my mental problems are, they are all afraid of me and they could care less what exactly is wrong with me, to them I am just a huge problem and an embarrassment. But I have tried to tell them several times.

When it comes to significant others, I always tell them that I have mental problems. Girlfriends are usually very understanding about these things, even if they don't have any mental disorders themselves. Besides, there are things about my mental problems that they like or are attracted to.

As for everyone else, I don't tell them anything. It's not their business and they wouldn't understand at all if I told them I have a severe personality disorder, most people don't know what that means. If I explained it to them it would just scare them. So I keep it to myself most of the time.

My family doesn't know. If I told them it would raise questions about self harm- they don't know I've relapsed and for now that's how I want it to stay. It would raise lots of other questions I don't really want to answer.

My bosses knows. I'm not sure whether they really understand it, but they accept my problem behaviours they deal with when dealing with me as part of it. Haven't told friends- don't really have any to tell.

If I do have to explain to someone about my problems, I tend to tell them how the symptoms work rather than saying I have BPD. I fear that everyone will just abandon me if I tell them- it's happened before.

Oh here is the thread mentioned in the other post. I'm not 'out', really, because my official diagnosis was a very long time ago-- when I was a teen (now in 30s). My husband knows about it by my behavior but has pretty much refused to read anything on it. He's not a big reader anyway, so I just tell him what I think (and at the time, what my therapist thought) was important.

Sometimes I want everyone to know how much I suffer.... then I realize that it's not really important for them to know, it's important for me to handle my suffering well and not hurt others. Some days it's very difficult (I am not on psych meds, so no benzos or anti-ds for me)... I feel like I'm 100% BPD and zero % me. Today is one of those days.... basically because my adoptive parents are coming for a visit this evening before they leave for about 3 weeks. (it's a long history of a quick visit, long break, repeat, they were also in the government field... lots of moving around) My mom likes to ask 20 questions before I take my first bite of dinner or whatever, it's her being concerned (some act? not sure) and it just ends up being a barrage of questions about my life, my progress in school--- always have to be doing something, achieving something.... *sigh*....

Anywho, hijack over, I just wanted to say that sometimes I want people to know and other times it's better if I'm treated as though I were normal. At least when treated normally it's how I've always dealt with the world so it's familiar. If I were treated like I had a mental illness it would be very scary, reminding me when I was locked up as a child, against my will, in 3 facilities over 5 years.

lilyfairy wrote:I tend to tell them how the symptoms work rather than saying I have BPD.

That's a good point. I did end up telling one person I know that I have PTSD as a way of excusing my BPD ways. People are wary of PTSD but they don't hold it against you quite so much, and many of the symptoms are similar (in me, anyway).

I am always so scared of people finding out about me. I'm even worried about posting here in case I'm somehow identifiable (self-centred much ?) I'm high-functioning, and I work really hard to 'pass'.

I have told nearly everyone I know. My husband tells people he knows. I meet difficulties sometimes, and you get people being arseholes but I think they will be arseholes to me regardless of my diagnosis.
I have regretted telling people, mainly because of the reception I get, but I don't know, I think it doesn't help that sufferers feel shame, and something ought to be done about it.
It's like getting HIV or something, you get people who will edge away, and then you get people who struggle with their own fears but still show you a happy face, and then there are those who genuinely realise there's nothing to be afraid of.

My family, my boyfriend, and a couple friends know.

Other than that, just my psych treatment team.

I DO feel like shouting from the rooftops that I DO HAVE BPD, because I think that the world needs to wake up and realize that we don't eat pencils all day, and are capable of love and respect like everyone else out there!!! I want to make a difference in improving our quality of life.

I PRAY that when I get my Master's in SW, that I can work in therapy focusing on PD's. That is my true passion. Sometimes you don't get to choose who you work with, but I eventually want to run my own clinic/practice where it is PD-friendly, and anonymous to outsiders so that people like us have a place to be safe and comfortable.

Is that just a dream, or do you think its a possibility???

AMP

My parents, and even they, while supportive, don't understand it. The people in my dbt group, my therapist, and my psychiatrist.

I don't have any friends, but if I did I wouldn't tell them for fear they'd go home and start reading about it on the internet and it would freak them.

I do hate the fact that I can't be open about it, because it is a part of me..

I'm kinda out. The people who know are...

• My parents
• My manager
• His boss (department head)
• My Sister from another mother
• An ex, who I'm close friends with.

Parents: obvious
Manager: just in case I do something at work
Dept head: just in case I do something to my manager
Sister: she knows everything about me anyway. We have no secrets.
Ex: her adult son has bi-polar, so she knows what it's like.

Other than them, I don't tell anyone. It gets interesting at times, because I used to be a good drinker. Since my motorcycle crash last year, I suffered depression and have been put on SSRI's since, so the booze is out. The problem with this is that I was known as a good drinker at work, so they still seem surprised when I stay sober at the get-togethers (or, more often, avoid them altogether). Of course, everyone asks me two standard questions:

When can I drink again?
What meds am I on?

I just give them some BS answer about how the meds are to stabilize my head from the crash. I do have a concussion still, so most people just assume it's because of that. Some, though, do try to press the issue. I try to tap dance around it; I don't know how successful I really am.

i tried several time to tell people around me, boyfriends, family, friends, even my boss.
but no one seems to even try to understand or try to dig further about it. and they will forget it by tomorrow...so i gave up and just focus on myself.

so what if i'm a dork?
and yes i have issues...what do you expect