Recovering Well/Still Merging

I couldn't find exactly what I wanted to talk about so I started a new topic.

I have been through a year's worth of DBT. I have come out the other side free of the majority of my depression and anxiety, all of my suicidal thoughts and actions and self harm, and I have begun to find myself.

I have also entered my first post-therapy relationship. I've found that my love hasn't been waning as it usually did, and I haven't turned on her or become bored with our sex life. If fact, it keeps getting better... one issue I have though!

I am still merging a bit! I have been trying so hard, and we've actually broken up once because of it, and I knew it wasn't going to kill me, I just really missed her, and she me. We've talked a lot about my borderline, and she says she is not flattering me by saying that she loves me and wants to spend a lot of time with me, perhaps have children. We're planning to move out together when we have the money... still I dote and I fear her abandonment, though simultaneously I'm also aware of the fact. I don't give her enough space; we have talked about this too and we're going to work on it. In that, she is amazing. She can see I have been so good, and turned my life around completely, and believes that this will follow. But (yes, but) I still feel as if I haven't properly addressed my merging issues.

I have tried sincerely to find skills I can apply to the task ahead, but I'm a bit stuck. I have been trying to put my energy into my self, into painting, into writing... I suppose I must simply keep at it? The other things came like this, but this one still lingers and it's getting a little bit frustrating. This girl has really helped me improve my life, and I have never felt so in control and real, so sincere with my love. I feel it's a real partnership and I don't want this merging to return and take away such a beautiful thing from me.

Tomorrow I will take a walk, I'll go off on my own and paint. I'll take photos walking around the city. I'd also love it if someone could discuss the subject of merging with me a little, I feel as if I did not properly address it during therapy. I;d like to hear your ideas.

Thank you.
Sam

Hi Sam,

I am glad to hear that DBT has helped you so much and that things are looking up. I think you seem to be managing the merging issue pretty well, even if it is still rearing its ugly head. You are aware of it and actively working on it, and that is all anyone can ask or expect.

Are you continuing in any sort of therapy? That could help to addres your abandonment issues. I think you are being a llittle hard on yourself with respect to the merging issue--it sounds like you have made progress in huge leaps and bounds, and that you are contiuning to be mindful and work on yourself. I think you will find that the progress will continue.

Best wishes and congratulations on how far you have come!

Tea