I'm looking for a fight - The need to hurt others...

I feel extremely overwhelmed.. Fighting seems to ease this. I feel as though I have to push someone away, to push everything away. I feel as though my walls are caving, and I can't breathe. I'm aggitated and agressive tonight. I feel like punching a wall, driving into a tree. Or into oncoming traffic. I feel like vandalising something, breaking windows, stealing a car, making someone else's life hell for just a moment.

I'm feeling very destructive, and not on myself. I don't understand where these impulses come from, or where my aggitation and irritability comes from, but it's in full force at the moment. Maybe leaving my room isn't such a good idea..

Is this normal of BPD? Does anyone else feel destructive on others, but not on themselves at times?

Thoughts?

I think it has to do with repressed memories of being hurt. Its a fight or flight reaction to trauma. I had this lovely fantasy in emdr last week where i kicked my abuser in the head and stabbed him repeatedly with a butcher knife. I've been pissed off ever since because the trauma has been reawakened. Just try to stay away from other people when you feel this way. I think part of it is directing anger outward to conceal our own shame.

Yeah, I used to get rages like that all the time and more often than not wasn't able to get out of the states I'd get in without breaking something (mostly I tried to go for cheap, disposable stuff) but I was never into self cutting and the like. I also know another pwBPD who used to do the same… so yes, it is a BPD thing and no, you're not alone.

Just so you know, these attacks will get less and less frequent and easier to control over time as you get older and gain more experience in self-soothing and self-control.

Yep, I know the feeling all-too-well. I can't say I know what causes it, because I haven't figured that out yet, but there have been times where I've gotten up and just prayed for someone to do the wrong thing; cut in front of me in the supermarket, cut me off in traffic, or just say the wrong thing to me. Something, anything, just so I can have a flimsy reason to beat the living crap out of them.

When I have those days, I'll do everything I can to squirrel myself away. I'll hide in my office or work on something that is a solo job, and once or twice, I even called in sick, just because I knew what kind of a mood I was in. I figured it was better for everyone that way.

Of course, I have my days where I take it out on myself, but those aren't the days I go looking for an external target. The need to hurt myself and the need to hurt others seems to be based on mutually exclusive mindsets.

Absolutely it's normal. You're in company with me and probably lots of others. I usually think in destructive ways, rather than self destructive. You probably want to externalize your feelings instead of internalize them, that's how I always act.

I know it's been a while since this post was posted but hopefully somebody who wrote in this thread will see this. I know EXACTLY how you feel and if you are still looking I would be more than happy to oblige Let's talk.