Everybody with BPD, please stand up..

I feel as though we're quite a family on this forum. I'd like to know everyone, and how they are doing, what they like, who they are (probably not a good question for a borderline ). Also their diagnosis, their struggles. I was thinking we could all help each other in a way... We all seem to experience similiar issues..

I'm shy about going first... So if anyone else would like to? You can write anything to do with yourself, your struggles, if you need help with a problem, who you are, who you would like to be...

I'm not sure what you want to know (of course, i never sure of anything at all) i am new in here but i'll give a try for you. i hope you allow me to do so

How do i look like...you mean physically?
i'm an asian, not Chinese or Japanese.
I'm more like from the exotic part of the region. so i have tan skin which is not interesting at all for people living in where i originately come from. Round kinda face, with dark circle on my eyes like panda, because i have difficulties in sleeping. straight-black-over shoulder hair (i got them flattened, it's actually wavy).i'm less than 5 feet tall, a lil bit chubby here and there but i'm not a dwarf kinda person. people said i'm actually pretty but i know they said it because they don't know what to say with me anymore (i wish they're speaking the truth)

i have a very low esteem and i hate being me because i don't know who the f*** is me and everyone seems to do better in this and that way more than i am.
I'm also very timid n and a bit antisocial and it's worsen by the diagnose that i might also bipolar and/or borderline (i don't know who is right). so basically i don't have plenty of friend and it seems that i got them fed up with me b/c i think or feel things that they don't understand. it left me with only one friend who i try to keep and now i'm trying to get connected with anyone here...anyone at all. so actually any kind of response for my existence is a really huge deal for me b/c i always feel like no one like me. i always feel like they think i am boring and not interesting and not fun at all that no one want to relate with me or talk with me and when they want, they soon find out that i have issue and they begin to make distance. it apply also with my boyfriend. he never actually said the word "i love u" and if there's only two things left in this world for him : me and internet, i bet he'll choose internet over me. am i being used? i don't know...i need him...i'm obsessed with him.

in brief, even a simple "hi" will make me jump around the house in happy. but to aggressive effort will scare the hell out of me. i think it's because i don't want to be hurt anymore by any kind of relationship and i'm still trying to learn and accept that it's normal thing that people come and go in a relationship. it really hurts me to the bone when i feel like i'm being neglected or ignored or be left alone. but mostly i don't know what to do in relationship. i don't know how to maintain sumthing or choose something. i'm afraid that i'll be a failure and get people upset if i choose or say anything.
i don't want people to go away but i don't know what to do and then i'll do irrational things

i'm 28 and it's about 2 years having the therapy now and i'm trying to keep my work...at least i think i am now.

Hi yoa, I like you.

Nice to meet you.

I'm AJ, I'm a 22 year old male. My primary dx is ASPD and my secondary dx is Alcohol Abuse. I also have all the symptoms of BPD, except for suicidal behavior, my doctor has recognized this but for some reason it is not included in my chart, it is sort of an off record dx. I also have numerous symptoms of PTSD. In addition, I have some unspecified form of eating disorder, where I cycle between eating nothing, binge eating, and purging. These eating problems could be related to Atypical Depression, which I also have some symptoms of. I don't share any of this information about me with people in real life, if they figure it out, so be it, but I don't tell people. I feel comfortable sharing here though, thanks for starting this thread Chaudement.

*stands up*

I'm an 18 year old female, overweight...
I have only recently gotten my diagnosis (previously only dx'ed SAD & depression), but I've suspected I was BPD for about 6 months prior to that. I've been in therapy since I dropped out of school in '08, before then no one knew anything was wrong with me. I've been a self harmer for about 8-10 years, hard to pinpoint the age it started, fairly recently started cutting though.
Ummm, what else... I'm the youngest of 3 kids, I guess I was supposed to be the "golden" child since I performed really well in school and didn't disrespect my parents or act out like my sister did.
I've been bullied my whole life, especially in school starting the first day of Kindergarten, by a teacher no less. I was sexually bullied in high school, which made my anxiety much worse & made going to school impossible.

So yeah, pretty much I spend my days feeling sorry for myself, stuffing my face with food, having occassional anger outbursts, self harming because I'm full of self-loathing aaaannnnnd hating the world
Did I mention I'm extremely sarcastic?

On a positive note though, I love to read and almost anything to do with art. I'm a discovery channel and animal planet addict... & I hope to be recovered enough one day to go back to school, maybe even go into law or history fields. Basically I want to be healthy, physically/mentally/emotionally... or at least some form of that, whatever that is (:

I'm a 21 year old university student. I am consistent only at disappointing others and torturing my boyfriend. I am probably at the worst I have ever been in my life, my struggles are mostly with manic/depressive behaviour, outbursts, forgetfulness, being unable to say no and compulsive lying.

hello all

this was a great thread idea;

i'm chelsea, 20, not a student, not employed. I was diagnosed about a month or two after I turned 18. I'm currently* on 150mg of Effexor.

Actually, I've just run out and I'm not sure how/when I'll get around to picking some up
This is just another example of how I don't take very good care of myself these days.
I'm sure I will go through a phase where that changes though (maybe once I actually have my own place? Money?... exercise?)

And though I relate so well to almost everyone who posts on this forum, I still don't feel like I fit in. And it's a goddamn internet forum .

This forum has helped me with personal insight every since I joined it and I thank you all for sharing your struggles (and triumphs!) with BPD.

Thanks for going first guys... I appreciate all of your responses, and I feel closer to all of you now I know a little about you

I'm 22, female, student - I'm studying (and very poorly at that, should say failing) my Psychology degree to become a social worker. I was diagnosed BPD in October/November last year, and I had no idea what it was until I got diagnosed! I have a number of other disorders co-occuring. My biggest one is probably AvPD, and some others I'm not yet ready to share... Also EDNOS, I struggle with bulimia and periods of not eating either, periods of eating a lot too... I'm on Lovan 60mg at the moment, which is doing nothing for me... Hopefully when I get a new psych (that won't run away), she/he can put me on mood stabilizers..

I love to read. American Psycho is one of my favourite books. I love music as well, NIN and Radiohead are my favourites at the moment. Although NIN comes first. I'm a hermit, I hate the world and everyone in it (minus a few exceptions ). I crave love to the point that it aches constantly. I'm also usually very bored, angry at the world and trying to find something to do in life, as I view life as pointless...

That is me, I think...

Keep writing guys!

Apocallcaps wrote:Hi yoa, I like you.

Nice to meet you.

u see, these kind of response i never get almost in my life (or i did but i didn't trust them?) so i'm trying to control myself for not overreacting because i'm in office now.
(the internet went down last night and i can't sleep because i really hope someone give me response but i'm hopeless because i cannot check the post...sigh)

Many of thanks...and...well, although maybe u said it because i sounded too pathetic to ignore while we don't really know each other, but still, u got me almost crying in happiness.

Thank you

and thank you too Chaudement for starting this post and everyone who are willing to share in this post or other posts. I hope we can help each other here...or at least be understandable.

hi, im scared to say my name coz i have become paranoid that people know who i am

But im a 30 year old mum of one. he my whole world, he is why i am hear and is why i fight to get better. My aim is to always be there for him emotionally in every possible way...i want him to be able to turn to me whenever he needs help, something that ive never been able to do with my parents.

I dont remember a lot of my life, i have a shocking memory...im sure i first self harmed, had eating issues when i was 13...since that age i have always cried out for help..im sure i remeber thinking even then i need to see a counsellor...but no one ever helped...i just continued to become me.

I can really hate myself one day and think many people are better than me; kinder, funnier etc etc...other days im glad i am me and i often then feel like i am better than other people.

I have size 7 feet, green eyes, i am white, and i wish i was an amazing singer...just some randoms ha.x