Forgive me if i wasted your time

Well to start of thank you all for the warm welcome to the forum.

Cooper1994 wrote:A good book to read is Get Me Out of Here: My Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder. At the beginning it shows her first meeting with a therapist. That and Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder. It helped to see the issues I was having through someone else, projected onto someone else. It made it easier to say: "Okay, I need a therapist."

Thank you for the reading material Cooper1994 i will have to look into both those books.

moomin wrote:welcome. Stop being so apologetic. Your time is just as precious as ours - you took the time to post, so we'll answer you best we can, although I'm not sure what is it exactly you need from us? Post some more, tell us about you

I not 100% on what I'm looking for but my goal was a place to start and i got one. Sharing about myself even with the level of anonymity that comes from a forum is difficult for me. But its pointless to be so reserved when seeking input.

JohnnyBlaze wrote:Welcome to the nuthouse, Frosted!

As for getting diagnosed, don't worry too much about it. From my own experience and what I've heard from others, the one who diagnoses you is rarely, if ever, the one who treats you. You'll talk with the doc, maybe fill in a questionnaire, and then read the report. That's it. Psychiatrists seem to be the diagnosers, but never do treating themselves - too busy, I guess. So take comfort in the fact that you won't have to deal with them more than once.

Treatment, of course, is another matter. I need to get off my a** and set up a therapy appointment; I'm still hesitating on that one.

The diagnosis is only important to me for a directional purpose. Although it in the long run probably makes no difference to have it or not, i just don't know how to go about addressing my personal demons. Ive kept everything to myself for over a decade. Although after reading threads throughout the forum i may have a better chance discovering the path here than if i seek a confirmed diagnosis.

katana wrote:Hi Frosted,
I've had trouble disclosing to professionals too - tbh, i just don't trust them, and worry a dx of anything might somehow cause me problems, (or take away control over my own treatment ? - but they tell me the MH services have changed that way and are not like that any more.) i worry that i'll be labelled while they treat me badly as they have done in the past, or refuse to treat me at all, or just be unhelpful.
Welcome to the forum.

I feel very similar to this and was the reason i have hesitated so long. I don't trust them at all. And am a bit worried that even with the diagnosis i would still have no clue where to start to improve my issues or manage them in a healthy way.

katana wrote:I'm on a waiting list atm, and will let everyone know how it goes when i finally get somewhere,

I would like to know how it turns out. So please let me know.

katana wrote:Why do you feel like you don't deserve help? You deserve help just as much as anyone does... or do we all have to squeeze you until you believe you are worth it ? lol

I just don't view myself as a worthwhile investment, i never really have. The apologetic first post as well as the title display it. But squeezing me would most likely be highly ineffective and be the oddest physical embrace you all would have ever felt. I do appreciate the sentiment behind it though.

Again than you all for your input as well as welcoming me to the forums.

FrostedEyes wrote:I feel very similar to this and was the reason i have hesitated so long. I don't trust them at all. And am a bit worried that even with the diagnosis i would still have no clue where to start to improve my issues or manage them in a healthy way.

Yeah, this is one of my fears, that they would have no idea how to help me and help me help myself - either that or they would just not provide therapy... but i have got rid of the second one at least cause i looked up therapy guidelines for PDs in the UK, and they can't do that!

FrostedEyes wrote:

katana wrote:I'm on a waiting list atm, and will let everyone know how it goes when i finally get somewhere,

I would like to know how it turns out. So please let me know.

I will do.

FrostedEyes wrote:I just don't view myself as a worthwhile investment, i never really have. The apologetic first post as well as the title display it. But squeezing me would most likely be highly ineffective and be the oddest physical embrace you all would have ever felt. I do appreciate the sentiment behind it though.

Again than you all for your input as well as welcoming me to the forums.

I'm sorry that you don't view yourself as worthwhile, but i hope you'll be able to see yourself some way that you can value yourself as worthwhile sometime soon.

That's ok if its ineffective, squeezes are always optional, but still offered But hey, when you add in everything from a baby elephant to a very squeezy python, i think those two have something on you for odd

hi,

I was dx back in 93 at that time never even heard of bpd. I've always had major depression, and it's always been difficult and pretty much impossible for me to maintain any kind of relationship. It was when I was in the hospital that they dx me with major depression, as well as, bpd.

I'm not sure if you want this info, but I"m posting it anyways. If you choose to see a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist the first words out of your mouth doesn't need to be, "I think I have bpd". Should you seek a professional make sure that you feel comfortable with them, and that their someone you feel that you could talk to. If you don't have a good vibe then try someone else. Don't even get into bpd or any other specific dx until you feel comfortable with them. Talk about your day, week or anything on your mind that you feel comfortable discussing,

Some good suggestions from others - but thought I'd add some things for you to consider -

I imagine I understand your hesitancy.
Not knowing if you can trust the person you are seeing.
what notes do they take?
where are they kept?
what scarey label might be put on you?
what might the results of that be on your life?
what might you discover about yourself that you might not like?
what might happen during therapy?
what treatments are available?
Perhaps asking the therapist some questions about any concerns you have about might be a place to start?

then maybe telling them about your feelings of not being worth it might be a place to start?

There is a chance you will not like the therapist or that they might not understand or that you may not agree with their conclusions or suggestions but if you do not tell them anything, then they possibly have nothing to go on to help you? Might also be possible that if you do not engage with the therapy you might later wish you had and possibly find it is not so easy to see someone next time. Something like this happened with me and I have regrets about that and sometime wonder "what if?"

Good advice Jello

The first thing I tend to do when I walk into a therapy session is warn the therapist I can be "difficult". lol

But there are a few more i could pick off that list that i dont yet do properly...

Agree it would be a good thing for you to do with your "not feeling worth it", Frosted, and agree with Jello its one of those things - engaging with therapy. I've also had similar problems - have been able to engage with therapy, but never managed to build a therapeutic relationship because I couldn't "put things on the table" and feel accepted.

i guess there are things i guess need to be dealt with right at the beginning, where questions etc & good communication can make a big difference.

cboxpalace wrote:hi,
If you choose to see a therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist the first words out of your mouth doesn't need to be, "I think I have bpd". Should you seek a professional make sure that you feel comfortable with them, and that their someone you feel that you could talk to. If you don't have a good vibe then try someone else. Don't even get into bpd or any other specific dx until you feel comfortable with them. Talk about your day, week or anything on your mind that you feel comfortable discussing,

Thank you Cboxpalace, it is information i want although my hesitation is much more based in i wont say a word to them as well as i may not ever be comfortable with them. I have a major problem letting people in at all. Though hearing you say that does quell a bit of my hesitation in an odd way. In that makes me think its more possible then i previously thought.

ladyjello wrote:Some good suggestions from others - but thought I'd add some things for you to consider -
I imagine I understand your hesitancy.
Not knowing if you can trust the person you are seeing.
what notes do they take?
where are they kept?
what scarey label might be put on you?
what might the results of that be on your life?
what might you discover about yourself that you might not like?
what might happen during therapy?
what treatments are available?
Perhaps asking the therapist some questions about any concerns you have about might be a place to start?
then maybe telling them about your feelings of not being worth it might be a place to start?
There is a chance you will not like the therapist or that they might not understand or that you may not agree with their conclusions or suggestions but if you do not tell them anything, then they possibly have nothing to go on to help you? Might also be possible that if you do not engage with the therapy you might later wish you had and possibly find it is not so easy to see someone next time. Something like this happened with me and I have regrets about that and sometime wonder "what if?"

Thank you much for this Ladyjello, it does give me a place to start when i think about it logically. Although if the time comes to fruition where i find myself speaking to a therapist or any other professional, i don't know if i would be able to be logical and state those concerns. I'm lack a great deal of ability when it comes to letting people into my thoughts and even more so when it comes to my emotions. I know the professionals are trained to get around this problem, but if i don't give them a place to start they cant right? I too already have enough "what if"'s in my life that i should stop piling on more by not just biting the bullet.

katana wrote:Good advice Jello
The first thing I tend to do when I walk into a therapy session is warn the therapist I can be "difficult". lol
But there are a few more i could pick off that list that i dont yet do properly...
Agree it would be a good thing for you to do with your "not feeling worth it", Frosted, and agree with Jello its one of those things - engaging with therapy. I've also had similar problems - have been able to engage with therapy, but never managed to build a therapeutic relationship because I couldn't "put things on the table" and feel accepted.
i guess there are things i guess need to be dealt with right at the beginning, where questions etc & good communication can make a big difference.

Thanks again Katana. I just may quote you when i walk in for the first time . Although it may be the best one to start with its the one i have a great deal of opposition to and can be very well stubborn to advice on. Though i guess i need to learn to get past that. lol

Thank you all so much for the help and sharing of your experiences.