Feeling OK about a breakup - I don't trust it

My ex and I have been talking for the past two hours. I now think I feel OK about the breakup, but I feel like I'm only fooling myself that everything will be OK. That when I move out tomorrow, I'm going to lose my !#$% in the morning when I realize that I won't be talking to him for a very long time.

This is a new situation to me. I'm actually the one setting the boundaries of not talking. I was the one who initiated the breakup, or at least confirmed that I was losing myself and stagnating. He put it a great way - that I put my roots in this new city just enough to stay where I was, but never let them grow. I wasn't growing as a person because of my insecure attachment issues and my inability to connect in a healthy, adult way.

He's being amazing and supportive through all this.

So how do I figure out what I'm actually feeling regarding all this? I feel like my emotions are going to destroy me and anything good I could learn in this situation.

As far as staying grounded through the whole process, what skills would you recommend using through incapacitating emotions?

It sounds like you know that moving out is for the best, so right now just stay with the feeling that you are okay. That feeling is going to help you to do what you need to do, I actually think that it is a healthy response. You very well may crash as soon as reality sinks in, and I think that would be a normal reaction. Break ups are hard for everyone, particularly when you add BPD on top of that.
Right now let the calm and strength you are feeling carry you through. Should the crash come, we will be here for you. You will make it through. Doing the right and healthy thing isn't easy. Surround yourself with support, and give yourself credit for your strength.

I crashed

I feel like I've made a terrible mistake.

Instead of giving the relationship a chance and taking a break, my BPD self decided that it's either we stay together or breakup forever. Black or white thinking.

I'm now moving out of state, so if we do decide that being in each other's life would be possible, it's now just that much more difficult

Don't second guess yourself on everything. Sometimes we make good decisions from a really solid and grounded place. However, once the decision is made and things are set in motion we start to freak out and doubt ourselves. If you can when you can calm down and get yourself into a somewhat detached place, try to intellectually remember why you initiated the breakup to begin with.

Skills for staying grounded through the process:

Mentally note to yourself during the entire moving out scene, "putting clothes in suitcase, placing socks on top of shirts, (the more detailed the better)" Your mind may scream in the background but try your best to concentrate on the narrative. If you tend to dissociate under stress, this will help keep you present--

If you get triggered, be sure to go away from the situation and take as many deep breaths (while counting in and out breaths) as it takes to return you to close to baseline (try to imagine your breath coming from the bottom of your belly, a little below your navel). Tell yourself, you can handle this, trust yourself, you can breath, walk, and smile through it, even if you collapse and fall apart later (cry if you must, but don't wallow because you handled it well--something to feel proud about). OKay?

Let us know how it goes, we're here for you.

Edit: you posted as I was writing this, I'm sorry things ended in a way you didn't want them to. Take this advice for next time you're in distress. Remember, it's just feeling like this now, it will pass and you will have a clear head about it later and can revisit the situation.