recently diagnosed

hi i am new to this, i was diagnosed 3 months ago i can't seem to find any one who does dbt where i live.and tried meds made me more aggressive tried zyprexa and seraquel can't control my ups and downs been doing theropy and still feel so low i hate myself and where i am and who i am but can't make it better.i love and hate my boyfiend at the same time and he's threatning to leave if i don't just suck it up and get on with life:( so i do and go ok for a bit then crash really hard. i think talking to other who might understand me could be really helpful. im tired of the pain im tired of hurting others then for that i hurt me. no more i can't live like this. i have no support from family i have no friends. feeling very very lost

I have no friends either, or anyone to talk to, as you can tell by my screenname. I don't want to use drugs either...I never have good results. I'm going to try hormones...like birth control. We'll see if that helps. Maybe your boyfriend, if he really cares, should read about it and recognize that you are sick. If he isn't willing to educate himself and try to empathize, you don't want the asshole anyway.

I have one friend. So clearly, i am doing much better than both of you.......


The ups and downs, generally come from idealisation and black and white thinking. Drugs, can't really cure this for most of us....they just mask it or numb it. I don't know what type of BPD you have or are......but if you have rapidly shifting moods, chances are it's from your environment including your thoughts.


If i really want a piece of pizza, and then i go to the fridge and there is no pizza left. I forgot i ate it last night.......and then, on the way back to my room, i catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and don't like what i see..........there is a very good chance, that 2 minutes later, i'll be thinking of killing myself. Even if i don't "think" i care about the pizza, or the mirror............that'll be all it takes to get those negative juices flowing..........
A friend calls.....suddenly i'm back on top of the world..........that same friend, doesn't say "goodbye" with the proper enthusiasm.......i'm down again.


For me, i am up and down........basically with the wind. My mind, tries to attach ideas to why i feel the way i do...........but it's kind of like coming up with a story, to make sense of the story that actually makes no sense.


Kind of like the whole "i love him, i hate him" thing. Depends on if he is smiling at you or not, right?
That is black and white thinking...........and that is essentially what this is all about.



We have to learn to separate our emotions from our thoughts.....and practise that enough, so we can when it is the HARDEST to do so.
Therapy, any therapy.........is just trying to help you give yourself permission to do so.
Whether you do this, cause you trust your doctor and he tells you to..........or you read it in a book or a post and it makes sense to you..........all these things, are just tools we use, to validate our own understanding.

It's amazing how much getting better, is about confidence. Confidence , in your own mind....


That is what you are seeking to build. There is more than one way to go about that. Just as there are many different types of therapys.....there are many different ways, to learn to get a bit better at controlling your mind.

thanks heaps its wierd but i feel better knowing im not alone in the world. i have 2 children to care for so i come last. I wish i didn't hate being alone so much or annalys everything every one says or does ALL the time and it always feels negative towards me there judging me im not ood enough or now they hate me. to me it feels like there all against me and im screaming and no one can hear me or wants to hear me.i don't know who i am or what i want or where im going and i feel like my life keeps going in circles over and over. my daughters father died of suicide when i was pregnant 4 yrs ago and i know how much it hurt me that he did this but i feel guilt as my BPD was bad then to not that i knew it and i pushed and pulled ALL the time. i don't know if i really have ever loved a partner i think i do to start then something happens and its lost. thes things i have never expresed before they just run around in my head all the time. i think to much to. i have always covered with a mask and know one really knows who i am deep down. its dark and loathsome

i have always covered with a mask and know one really knows who i am deep down. its dark and loathsome

Yes it may be. But deep down, it's also not.

You are not entirely one way or another..........you are both really good and kind of bad. : )



No one has to really know you, for you to be ok. Don't get lost in needing others approval! You will, of course....but try and remember that you are lost!



Part of what we do....is called intellecutalisation. We are always analysing things...........because it is how we make sense of what is going on. Our feelings can be so intense/shifty.........we use our "thoughts" to stabilise them.
We are always thinking...........and a lot of the time, it can be negative, as we often feel that way.

the wierd thing was although his death torn me apart i was over it in a week people just thought i was strong and i thought i was to but now after looking into this disorder its normal to switch off the feelings all tohether. i do it every time. soon as its in my head i want out of a relationship i go from loving them to nothin in no time flat, but when they leave i get badly badly jealous of them moving on.

-- Tue Sep 20, 2011 1:52 am --

then if i think they are i have to have them back and normally get them. then it all happens again. i have never had some one leave me i always do that except when my partner passed away.

Hi. I read your other posts and you are from the same neck of the woods as me. I can help out with names of professionals to help, and also someone to talk to. I too am recently diagnosed after being misdiagnosed as a depressive and then as bipolar. Medication too has made my anger far greater and i had to end my relationship with my girlfriend 2 days ago because i realised my mood swings meant my good days were her good days, and my bad days were her nightmares. I think everyone here understands how we all feel. Ive only just started posting myself after lurking and reading for a long time. Depending on what part of WA you are in, feel free to message me for some support ideas. I empathise with your relationship, its not easy to find people who understand, and love our ways. *hugs*