Lie or tell the truth....?

Okay, I am sort of over whatever garbage was going on this morning with me and now I'm faced with a dilemma:

So, I impulsively went with a classmate to his work's other restaurant to see about a dishwasher/prep job (I hate washing dishes for a job, but it's all I can get right now) and was told the job didn't exist right now. The next day I got an email to say the job is available, what the hours/pay were, etc. and it sounded okay (it's 4 nights out of the house, I haven't done this in several years now b/c of my issues-- but my hubby is super supportive and I almost thought I could do it) but then he asked me to start immediately, like that day for a couple hours, then the full work schedule right away. I made a small lie, I was out of town for the weekend visiting my parents (they're coming up Monday to spend the day with me and had planned that before I talked to this guy about the job) and he emails me this morning, can you start at 4 on wed?


OMG. I told my hubby that I got the job and was sort of excited to start it b/c it's the sister restaurant to one I did a trail one night at and really enjoyed the food/atmosphere. It is my 'foot in the door' so to speak of fine(r) dining (this sister rest. is a bistro) and I'm scared out of my flipping mind.

So.... do I lie and get out of it? I'd have to lie to hubby and say that they didn't get back in touch with me afterward. At this point, I'm telling hubby EVERYTHING, good or bad (that I'm doing).

I want to not take this job because I'm experiencing a lot of strong emotions coming out of nowhere since the 'numbness' broke a couple of years ago and It's a very good reference if I could make it work, and not great if I don't--- I don't want to go through the 'try something, fail, apologize, make sure everyone still loves me, try something else.....' pattern anymore....

And yes, I'm seeking therapy. Just wanted some advice/direction in the
meantime. Thank you all for reading and your support today.

Oh to recap: SItuation:

a. lie to hubby and put the blame on the employer
b. tell hubby I'm too scared to take on additional responsibilities right now (I'm a full-time honor roll student and a treasurer of an academic group) and hope he won't be mad at me for effing up again! >.<
c. um, well.... you know those options and not entertaining them at this time.

Hi,

I think that you should be as honest as possible to your husband. Therefore, everything that you have written here should be related to your husband. His opinion on things seems to be important to you, so why not get his opinion on this too? Sometimes, our loved ones (those who take an active involvement in our mental issues) are better at seeing how we improve/disimprove with regard to our illness. If your husband has noticed an improvement in you, then he might feel that you are capable of taking up the job.

Kevin

If you choose B, why would he be mad at you if you're being honest and don't think you can do the job? Ultimately it's up to you whether or not to take the job, but keep your hubby in the loop with everything in your head. It definitely helps if he's supportive and listens to you.

100% agree with what others have said - just tell him what you've written on this board, if you don't feel ready to work right now, you don't feel ready to work. Lying to the job to get time to think was helpful to give you that time, but there is no good reason to lie to your husband about things, just explain it as you've explained it here.

Even if, as Kevin suggested, at any point in your recovery he feels you might be more ready than you feel you are for anything, it doesn't mean he would judge you or force expectations on you if you feel you are not ready, cause he should understand he is not in your own head, and will also be able to respect your desicions .

- he might even be able to help with suggestions, like if you feel you are not ready for 4 nights a week out of the house, maybe you could try to find a job that would only be 2? I'm sure whatever you decide if he is being supportive so far, there is no reason you should need to lie to him.

Do you think that you can handle this right now? Be really honest with yourself. It sounds like you are really torn about what to do. Do you think that if you take it and can't handle it that it will really set you back? If your husband is supportive then it is really important to talk to him about what you are going through with this. I think that lying may seem easier, but it will just end up causing you more stress.
I agree with Katana about two nights instead of four. That a lot of stress to go from not working to working four nights a week. You don't want to set your self up to fail.

Well, I ended up just being totally honest with him. He is supportive of me not wanting to take on additional responsibilities at this time. So I have to trust that. Thanks all for your comments.