Catharsis-post breakup

It's difficult for people to take me seriously when I talk so lovingly about someone who , during our relationship, evolved into being an abuser. I think we all have different sorts of coping mechanisms and I'm not really sure at what point I began putting up with this as his.

After giving ourselves some distance and attempting to revive what we had (albeit, with me still dating other people), over the course of the past few months, I received this message a few days ago:

"I want to sever contact so that I can come to terms with the breakup and myself, and work through my emotions, and to do that I need to be on my own and away from the reminder of what I have lost. We can be friends if that's what happens, however not right now as I need to heal from this. Please don't contact me as it just makes it harder to be friends in the long run as feelings get irreparably hurt. It's over between us and I don't want to be with you anymore. Goodbye."

And now I'm freaking losing it. I keep thinking that there's some way to salvage it, because he's said things sort of like this before, but not as concrete. And I see so much of what I've done as being reasons why he wouldn't want me, and thinking that if only I could be a healthy person, that he would want me. I can't believe that this is over. I had pledged my life and every part of myself to this person, moved to another state for this person, bonded myself and opened parts of myself that I've never opened to anyone else. and it just can't be over. I can't be losing my friend, and it has to be something that I've done and I have no idea how to make it better.

Well, I got some closure, at least. I sent him a message asking if there was any way we could discuss the reasons for breaking contact, and sharing our feelings on the issue, so that at least it could feel more like a mutual decision.

After talking a bit about it, and him saying that if we were both ever stable people with good foundations that a relationship might work between us, I felt a little better. It doesn't feel like something is being ripped away from me anymore. It's more like, something is just fading away, but it might one day reappear as something else.

He says he just wants me to focus on myself, learn to love myself, learn to take care of myself. That I'm no good to someone in a romantic relationship until I can do those things.

That's good. Sometimes, you need to work on some issues before starting a relationship again, even if it's with an ex. It isn't the end, it's just a hiatus, until the foundation is stable again. We are all work in progress