I'm so done with bpd...

Hi guys! Obviously I'm new here, which means that I finally got fed up feeling alone with this stupid disorder and sought out other people who know what I'm going through. Bear with me because I don't know how this blog/profile thing works yet, haha.

A few quick things about me, I'm a 25 year old female, recently diagnosed with bpd just last year. I always knew that something was different inside me and then when I received my diagnosis, it just kind of clicked, you know? I got a second opinion that confirmed it because even though it made sense I didn't really want to believe it. Most of the time I just don't know what to do. I have a husband that I've been with for 4 years, and he's actually really wonderful, but he has to put up with so much BS. I'm rational enough to know THAT, at least. I feel like it's only a matter of time before he gets over my "I hate you leave forever, oh my god, no, please never leave because you're the most amazing person" thing. It sucks because I feel powerless. I feel like I can't get a hold on my own emotions. It's like there's three people living inside me; an angry one, a sad remorseful one, and a rational one. I want to get a handle on things, if not for me, then for my husband and everyone close to me. I feel like I'm crazy and that they should all leave if they know what's good for them, but then I'm terrified of being left all alone...

So how do you start to deal with things? I'm trying to see a therapist again... (I moved so I had to stop going for a bit while I got settled in. Unfortunately I left before a bpd treatment plan was set up) are there any suggestions anyone has for keeping myself in check until I get in to see one?

Nice to meet you guys, btw!

I try to desire things less........and be grateful more.

I try to not take myself, so seriously.......even when i am taking myself seriously.


Value....i try and not idealise people around me or in my life.


I fail at all these things all the time of course.........but just trying to undertand and remember them and why they are important.....helps.
Basically.......i realise i am not done with BPD, that i am BPD. I try and never forget it.


Oh, the biggest one.........i try and forgive myself for being myself. *and i try and forgive others, for not being what i want them to be either.

LOL

Really, it's not as gay as it sounds.

That's one of my biggest issues...forgiving myself for having this disorder and making everyone around me miserable. I definitely need to work on that...

Thank you for your advice. I am trying and I'll continue to do so. That's all I CAN do, right?

I keep hearing some say, "Do not do unto others what you do not want others do unto you."
Might take care of both
“making everyone around me miserable”
and
“forgiving myself for having this disorder”
- disorder… one of manifestations of which is often...
“doing unto others what you do not want others do unto you.”

ButHeartOfAnAngel wrote:I keep hearing some say, "Do not do unto others what you do not want others do unto you."
Might take care of both
“making everyone around me miserable”
and
“forgiving myself for having this disorder”
- disorder… one of manifestations of which is often...
“doing unto others what you do not want others do unto you.”

This is true...thank you for your insight. <3

Yeah, but some of the stuff i do unto me.....others may not like it! LOL



I was thinking of adding a lot more....but it was late last night. Really, just keep learning and learning all the ways other people have dealt/deal with their issues and their points of view and find whatever works for you.
You don't have to be the person you are now........and you don't have to be the person you wanted to be, when you were looking at your future way back when............