Wow. OK. Hello Random Suicidal Thought (Triggering)

Today I did a little bit of rollerblading to get used to it, and went to a yoga class that was hard, but it was good for me to push myself physically.

I was washing dishes this evening and was having a bit of a tough time emotionally. It sucks, but it happens all the time. I started feeling a bit better because I thought of what I learned in yoga.

I went to sit down on the bed, and out of the blue, I got this random, rather intrusive thought that said, "I want to blow my brains out."

... Say what? Why did I think that so randomly? It's scary to not have control over my thoughts, especially when they're saying such bad things.

I'm a bit taken aback because I've never had a thought just pop up like that. It went away for the most part. I'm just confused because I did good things today. I connected with someone I met in partial when I went to my psychiatrist's appointment. I got a new prescription for Zyprexa. Got approved for public assistance to pay for it. Went rollerblading for a little bit and did yoga. I was doing everything I needed to do and felt productive, and more disciplined than I usually do. Why does such a disturbing thought pop up in all of that?

It makes me realize I am way more broken than I thought...

I'm sorry to hear about a thought like that on what should be a good day.

Did the thought of doing that stay for a while or did it leave as quick as it came?

I don't know about you but I think sometimes I take a sort of perverse pleasure in my own suffering, if you have ever felt like this then this could possibly be your subconscious way of being afraid of getting better.

Or maybe that is taking it too far, maybe you just spent a whole day doing good things and this is merely a shadow of thoughts you are used to, like your brain having a "muscle memory"

Anyway these are just ideas but I hope that you don't have any more of these thoughts in a serious way and if you do please call someone!

I know how you feel.

The best thing to do when something like this happens is to remain calm. I think its highly possible that most of us have fleeting or random thoughts a lot, and I do not think that this is much unlike the Non's amongst us. But at the same time, it does not make it any less scary, or alarming.

I think that this is something to mention to your doctor, while stressing that you do not feel suicidal (of course, unless you do). You can ask about it, but I would try to write it off as a "brain fart".

Did you feel the urge to do it when that thought jumped into your mind, or was it just random and gone quickly?

AMP

atomicuniverse wrote:Today I did a little bit of rollerblading to get used to it, and went to a yoga class that was hard, but it was good for me to push myself physically.

I was washing dishes this evening and was having a bit of a tough time emotionally. It sucks, but it happens all the time. I started feeling a bit better because I thought of what I learned in yoga.

I went to sit down on the bed, and out of the blue, I got this random, rather intrusive thought that said, "I want to blow my brains out."

... Say what? Why did I think that so randomly? It's scary to not have control over my thoughts, especially when they're saying such bad things.

I'm a bit taken aback because I've never had a thought just pop up like that. It went away for the most part. I'm just confused because I did good things today. I connected with someone I met in partial when I went to my psychiatrist's appointment. I got a new prescription for Zyprexa. Got approved for public assistance to pay for it. Went rollerblading for a little bit and did yoga. I was doing everything I needed to do and felt productive, and more disciplined than I usually do. Why does such a disturbing thought pop up in all of that?

It makes me realize I am way more broken than I thought...

Hey this happens alot to me...literally out of nowhere (maybe even mostly when im feeling??? kinda 'nuthing') il start having thoughts like that..or how i want to literally scratch my eyes out of my head or something....it wierd...and i dont get it...it fustrating that we cant just think exactly how we wish to think. Hey, dont let it ruin ur day though..it sounds like uve had a good day...hold onto those thoughts and not this random one...otherwise itl pull u down.sending love.x