I Give Up...

I've just come to realize,

That no one who is suppose to be " Hugh attachments " in my life has ever loved me.

I mean like seriously though.

My family hates me.

I have never had a boyfriend care about me. Even when they said they did.

It's so disgusting it almost feels good. I like bringing myself down to this level. I haven't done it in a while. I like feeling lonely and out of touch.

Now I remember why I was so strong at one point. No one could kick me down I was already on the ground.

Pain was what mothered me and loneliness was what fathered me.

Trying to have someone love me is what killed me. Thinking I was worth loving is what killed me.

I am much safer never trying and I'm stupid for ever trying.

I just want to float away now....

You're not alone, many of us here are going through the same thing.

crimsonandclover wrote:Pain was what mothered me and loneliness was what fathered me.

Exactly how I feel. I feel like this a lot of the time, but you know what? I always snap back out of it. Just like you will...

Remember, feeling like this is only temporary, you will feel better soon...

And I care about you...

<333 ((hugs))

Totally feel the same way ..

on top of it I'm currently on the receiving end of "I dont think I'm strong enough to be your boyfriend" conversation .. tell them all about bpd, they say they wanna be there, open up to them then wham youre too nuts for me, whats the fking point..

crimsonandclover wrote:Trying to have someone love me is what killed me.

This is the thorn right here. It's not something that one has to try for. Just be you and let someone love you on their own.

I can say that I totally agree with you here. Thinking that you deserve to be loved is where the kick in the gut gets you. Like, actually hurts and you can't disassociate the pain.

For instance, I got wasted during a game yesterday, and my boyfriend was pissed. I don't blame him. I then got the "I love you, but I don't know if I can handle all of this" talk. Well, I tried to tell you that you couldn't handle it in the beginning. Why do people even try with us? We should all just leave and go off and find an island for all of us to be alone. That way, at least we'd be in good company.


My grandmother just yelled at me for washing towels with sheets. Whatever.

AMP