"Identity Disturbance"?

Hi, I don't have an official diagnosis of BPD (My actual diagnoses have been in limbo for several months) but I believe I have at least a mild case of it, or a mix of this and Avoidant Personality Disorder. Anyways, there's one symptom - unstable sense of self-image - that I was wondering about. Although I don't show all the symptoms clearly, this is something that really messes with me. Is this what it's like?:

If someone asked me to describe myself, I'd probably give a few random socially acceptable adjectives, like nice, funny, shy, etc... but in reality? I couldn't actually describe myself. It'd be a wreck. I can't think of one single adjective or term that I could use to describe myself. With one term I'd think "I could be that..." but later thinking, "... but I can't, I'm not stable on that characteristic. I'm not always like that." It's like, I fail to even convince myself what or who I am. I can't figure out what kind of person I am myself.

Is that kind of what that's like, if anyone here's felt something like that? It's possible I'm just crazy and alone with that feeling, lol, but just kind of curious. It gets annoying.

well for me thats pretty much what im like.. spot on with the socially acceptable answers too.. i panic when someone asks me about me .. what i like to do etc etc .. i started an identity post a lil while ago so if u sift back through you'll find it.. quite a few ppl gave their input on identity issues there..

but youre definitely not crazy and alone with that feeling..

i think the self image business can also extend to sexuality .. confusion over straight/bi/gay etc etc .. not knowing what you want to do with your life.. career changes etc

jus googled and came across http://www.theborderlinetreatment.com/b ... izing.html

bsl9408 wrote:well for me thats pretty much what im like.. spot on with the socially acceptable answers too.. i panic when someone asks me about me .. what i like to do etc etc .. i started an identity post a lil while ago so if u sift back through you'll find it.. quite a few ppl gave their input on identity issues there..

but youre definitely not crazy and alone with that feeling..

i think the self image business can also extend to sexuality .. confusion over straight/bi/gay etc etc .. not knowing what you want to do with your life.. career changes etc

jus googled and came across http://www.theborderlinetreatment.com/b ... izing.html

The last part actually rings so true for me, it's almost scary. As far as sexuality goes, I can't even tell if I might even be asexual, or why I seem apathetic as far as relationships go - and "am I straight or bi?". And especially what to do with life, that becomes a hindrance in life for me - I'm in college and can't pick a major for the life of me, and I'm worried I'll never make a solid decision.

Thanks for the reply, I'll check the post.

well if it makes you feel better i've changed degrees 3 times and changed my majors at least ten times.. and still dont know what to do lol..

and yeah i dont know if im straight or bi.. havent ever really explored the bi side but its in my head

sharent wrote:Hi, I don't have an official diagnosis of BPD (My actual diagnoses have been in limbo for several months) but I believe I have at least a mild case of it, or a mix of this and Avoidant Personality Disorder. Anyways, there's one symptom - unstable sense of self-image - that I was wondering about. Although I don't show all the symptoms clearly, this is something that really messes with me. Is this what it's like?:
If someone asked me to describe myself, I'd probably give a few random socially acceptable adjectives, like nice, funny, shy, etc... but in reality? I couldn't actually describe myself. It'd be a wreck. I can't think of one single adjective or term that I could use to describe myself. With one term I'd think "I could be that..." but later thinking, "... but I can't, I'm not stable on that characteristic. I'm not always like that." It's like, I fail to even convince myself what or who I am. I can't figure out what kind of person I am myself.
Is that kind of what that's like, if anyone here's felt something like that? It's possible I'm just crazy and alone with that feeling, lol, but just kind of curious. It gets annoying.

Self Identity is holding on and attaching to judgements and labels. What's important is that one knows who they are through self awareness, by being self connected. This is being connected to ones own feelings and thoughts rather than being attached to labels. Not doing so, can leave one with feelings of being gone, invisible, empty, a wasteland.

I have an identity disturbance myself, but it goes way beyond changing my majors in school, which I have done but I don't count that. For me, it changes the way I think, my opinions and values, and the way I act. Depending on my life circumstances and the people I'm with, I may act one way and then when things change in whatever way I become a completely different person.

I'm completely different around different people as well.. I will change my opinions etc.. havent worked out whether I do that just to make the other person happy or not yet.. I do do a lot of things just to make someone else happy with me though.. so likely scenario

So far most of this makes sense. I often tend to just go with my current thoughts and feelings and disregard labels, so when it really comes down to labels, I can't stick with just one per category. Instead I end up vouching for "a little bit of everything", bad as that is. My religious values and beliefs lately have taken drastic changes. It's slowed down a bit now but still fluctuates. Sometimes I'm overly optimistic, somethings overly pessimistic. More of the latter, but still. And I get the acting different around different people. I seem to be a different person at work depending on who I'm working with. Every single other person, a different me.

i also find that i change my personality as a means of controlling other people.. for example.. I found a chat where my ex bf had complained to one of his friends that I was being "clingy" .. so I read that, got furious, then decided to be the exact opposite.. I was extremely cold towards him etc and within a couple of hours he couldnt handle that and so I said, so you'd rather me be clingy then? and he said yes..
I'll also pretend I'm not as intelligent as I actually am around particular people in order to control them .. or to let them think they have the upper hand when they actually dont.. I would do this at school.. I changed to a new school when i was 16 and played dumb-blonde-barbie type then at the end of the year they were giving awards for 1st in class etc and I came first in 3 of my subjects.. led to quite a number of puzzled looks.. and that gives me immense satisfaction.. I can manipulate guys very easily doing this.. also use my looks for manipulation..

That does sound like a good manipulative strategy.