Am I right or am I wrong?

I really really think I'm right and I'd like you guys to give me your opinion.

Abandonment is my main issue. I call people VERY often. Like once every hour if they're home and once every 2 hours if they're working. It helps me to have a 30 second phone call and know that they're okay and that they still love me. Now if someone doesn't answer I'll get very worried and upset and not be able to do anything until I talk to them. Each minute longer I have to wait, the worse it gets. My fiancé seems to be the only one that understands "If you answer the phone, talk for a minute and get off the phone, nobody gets upset." I can't accept the excuse of someone being "busy" when their idea of busy is pouring a glass of ######6 water!!!! If they're working, okay I'll wait an hour and try again. Is it too much to ask for 30 seconds of their time once every hour or 2?! That only adds up to a couple minutes per day. I don't see the problem or why anyone gets annoyed. I always answer my phone because I'd never want anyone to feel as crappy as I do. This is the scenario that happened tonight calling my only friend to say goodnight:
Call #1
Me: Hey! How are you?
Friend: fine
Me: Did you happen to catch tomorrows weather?
Friend: Call me back in 5 min, I'm getting something from downstairs.
*Phone goes clickkkk"

I was annoyed cuz I just wanted to talk for 5 min and go to bed. Okay so I wait 5 min and call back. Call once:
No answer
Call again:
Friend: "JESUS CHRIST"
*phone goes clickkk*

I start to cry. What did I do wrong? He said call back in 5 min and I did.l wait as long as I could to call again which was 6 minutes.
Friend: "Can't you give me a minute?!? I was putting water into the jug."
Me: Ok sorry, you said call back in 5 min and thats what I did. You didn't need to be rude and hang up on me. You know I was going go bed."
Friend: " I said 5 minutes. Put away your clock and give me a minute instead of calling back to back."

After that I basically dropped it cuz I wasnt getting anywhere. Was I wrong somehow? Because I'm not seeing how. I always take things literally. Am I not supposed to with something like this? I also feel like if he was just pouring ######6 water than why couldn't he do it in 5 min after I went to bed? It's not like the water is going to get a panic attack if he doesn't pour it but I will!!

I'm not sure how to reply...........as you seemed to ignore my reply to your last post.



I feel for you i do........


And when i say this, it's with the intention of really trying to help you...........

You couldn't be more wrong. You really couldn't be harming yourself more with these actions........


I understand your thinking.........and i wish the world worked like that.............but your thinking, has no connection to any reality anyone lives in but you.

You should laugh! And be happy! You're really nuts. You don't have to cry.......it's like so ok to not cry!
Things will be SO MUCH EASIER.........once you embrace just how messed up this all is.




***I would really like to hug you right now. It's just so sad..........so sad. You are the cutest person ever!

They haven't abandoned you but most people would considering the way you act towards them, you're setting yourself up to being abandoned by these people. You really need to talk to a therapist or someone about all this, I've heard you say this multiple times and it's unbelievable to me. No one should act like that if they are trying to avoid people abandoning them, you need to treat your friend with respect and not hound him, it's going to make him mad at you.

hello i am poking my head in. disregard if you must.

you both are.

your friend for skirting saying they didn't want to talk and then getting frustrated by their own decision.
you because you had to wait for an undetermined amount of time while you weren't doing anything but you expect someone else regardless how inane it may be to drop what they're doing.

maybe your friend doesn't like being sidetracked.

why are you 'allowed' to be upset but your friend has to get on their back and is the only one who's gotta suck it up?

focusing on 'who is right and wrong' builds the idea up of conflict. instead of just being people paddlin along in life, you are drawing lines in the sand.

Lilycat10 wrote:I really really think I'm right and I'd like you guys to give me your opinion.
Abandonment is my main issue. I call people VERY often. Like once every hour if they're home and once every 2 hours if they're working. It helps me to have a 30 second phone call and know that they're okay and that they still love me. Now if someone doesn't answer I'll get very worried and upset and not be able to do anything until I talk to them. Each minute longer I have to wait, the worse it gets. My fiancé seems to be the only one that understands "If you answer the phone, talk for a minute and get off the phone, nobody gets upset." I can't accept the excuse of someone being "busy" when their idea of busy is pouring a glass of ######6 water!!!! If they're working, okay I'll wait an hour and try again. Is it too much to ask for 30 seconds of their time once every hour or 2?! That only adds up to a couple minutes per day. I don't see the problem or why anyone gets annoyed. I always answer my phone because I'd never want anyone to feel as crappy as I do. This is the scenario that happened tonight calling my only friend to say goodnight:
Call #1
Me: Hey! How are you?
Friend: fine
Me: Did you happen to catch tomorrows weather?
Friend: Call me back in 5 min, I'm getting something from downstairs.
*Phone goes clickkkk"
I was annoyed cuz I just wanted to talk for 5 min and go to bed. Okay so I wait 5 min and call back. Call once:
No answer
Call again:
Friend: "JESUS CHRIST"
*phone goes clickkk*
I start to cry. What did I do wrong? He said call back in 5 min and I did.l wait as long as I could to call again which was 6 minutes.
Friend: "Can't you give me a minute?!? I was putting water into the jug."
Me: Ok sorry, you said call back in 5 min and thats what I did. You didn't need to be rude and hang up on me. You know I was going go bed."
Friend: " I said 5 minutes. Put away your clock and give me a minute instead of calling back to back."

After that I basically dropped it cuz I wasnt getting anywhere. Was I wrong somehow? Because I'm not seeing how. I always take things literally. Am I not supposed to with something like this? I also feel like if he was just pouring ######6 water than why couldn't he do it in 5 min after I went to bed? It's not like the water is going to get a panic attack if he doesn't pour it but I will!!

This is very compulsive obsessive behavior. It's very needy (i understand the abandonment because I have BPD too). Boundaries are not a threat. I suggest you start setting some of your own. How about that YOU are too busy to be calling every hour? How about trying to make your calls once a day?

Twistedmister wrote:I'm not sure how to reply...........as you seemed to ignore my reply to your last post.



I feel for you i do........


And when i say this, it's with the intention of really trying to help you...........

You couldn't be more wrong. You really couldn't be harming yourself more with these actions........


I understand your thinking.........and i wish the world worked like that.............but your thinking, has no connection to any reality anyone lives in but you.

You should laugh! And be happy! You're really nuts. You don't have to cry.......it's like so ok to not cry!
Things will be SO MUCH EASIER.........once you embrace just how messed up this all is.




***I would really like to hug you right now. It's just so sad..........so sad. You are the cutest person ever!

Aww Twisted thanks!

I'm often told that I live in my own world.. somehow, I never see how though lol. I guess that's part of my problem!

I wrote this post last night when I was tired and angry last night. I probably left out a few important details lol

-- Sun Sep 04, 2011 10:07 am --

ajrocker8 wrote:They haven't abandoned you but most people would considering the way you act towards them, you're setting yourself up to being abandoned by these people. You really need to talk to a therapist or someone about all this, I've heard you say this multiple times and it's unbelievable to me. No one should act like that if they are trying to avoid people abandoning them, you need to treat your friend with respect and not hound him, it's going to make him mad at you.

I get what you're saying. The problem with my friend is that 80 % of the time he has no problem with my calling or anything else I do. It's just when he's in a bad mood or something. So I get very mixed signals.

-- Sun Sep 04, 2011 10:08 am --

ocular_razor wrote:hello i am poking my head in. disregard if you must.

you both are.

your friend for skirting saying they didn't want to talk and then getting frustrated by their own decision.
you because you had to wait for an undetermined amount of time while you weren't doing anything but you expect someone else regardless how inane it may be to drop what they're doing.

maybe your friend doesn't like being sidetracked.

why are you 'allowed' to be upset but your friend has to get on their back and is the only one who's gotta suck it up?

focusing on 'who is right and wrong' builds the idea up of conflict. instead of just being people paddlin along in life, you are drawing lines in the sand.

I expect him to drop what he was doing because I would do the same for him. There's been many times he's called me and I've done so. It wouldn't matter what I was doing or how important it was.. I'd still drop it for him.

-- Sun Sep 04, 2011 10:12 am --

InvisibleGhost wrote:

Lilycat10 wrote:I really really think I'm right and I'd like you guys to give me your opinion.
Abandonment is my main issue. I call people VERY often. Like once every hour if they're home and once every 2 hours if they're working. It helps me to have a 30 second phone call and know that they're okay and that they still love me. Now if someone doesn't answer I'll get very worried and upset and not be able to do anything until I talk to them. Each minute longer I have to wait, the worse it gets. My fiancé seems to be the only one that understands "If you answer the phone, talk for a minute and get off the phone, nobody gets upset." I can't accept the excuse of someone being "busy" when their idea of busy is pouring a glass of ######6 water!!!! If they're working, okay I'll wait an hour and try again. Is it too much to ask for 30 seconds of their time once every hour or 2?! That only adds up to a couple minutes per day. I don't see the problem or why anyone gets annoyed. I always answer my phone because I'd never want anyone to feel as crappy as I do. This is the scenario that happened tonight calling my only friend to say goodnight:
Call #1
Me: Hey! How are you?
Friend: fine
Me: Did you happen to catch tomorrows weather?
Friend: Call me back in 5 min, I'm getting something from downstairs.
*Phone goes clickkkk"
I was annoyed cuz I just wanted to talk for 5 min and go to bed. Okay so I wait 5 min and call back. Call once:
No answer
Call again:
Friend: "JESUS CHRIST"
*phone goes clickkk*
I start to cry. What did I do wrong? He said call back in 5 min and I did.l wait as long as I could to call again which was 6 minutes.
Friend: "Can't you give me a minute?!? I was putting water into the jug."
Me: Ok sorry, you said call back in 5 min and thats what I did. You didn't need to be rude and hang up on me. You know I was going go bed."
Friend: " I said 5 minutes. Put away your clock and give me a minute instead of calling back to back."

After that I basically dropped it cuz I wasnt getting anywhere. Was I wrong somehow? Because I'm not seeing how. I always take things literally. Am I not supposed to with something like this? I also feel like if he was just pouring ######6 water than why couldn't he do it in 5 min after I went to bed? It's not like the water is going to get a panic attack if he doesn't pour it but I will!!

This is very compulsive obsessive behavior. It's very needy (i understand the abandonment because I have BPD too). Boundaries are not a threat. I suggest you start setting some of your own. How about that YOU are too busy to be calling every hour? How about trying to make your calls once a day?

Yes, I have OCD. I have set numbers in my head. For example.. I only make phone calls if I look at the clock and there's a "9" somewhere in the time. I could NEVER only call once a day.. I'd end up cutting myself. Been there.. tried that. I do agree that I should cut back on it though. It's just so scary for me. I'm not good with boundaries.. horrible actually.

Lilycat10 wrote:Yes, I have OCD. I have set numbers in my head. For example.. I only make phone calls if I look at the clock and there's a "9" somewhere in the time. I could NEVER only call once a day.. I'd end up cutting myself. Been there.. tried that. I do agree that I should cut back on it though. It's just so scary for me. I'm not good with boundaries.. horrible actually.

You are indeed aware with boundaries the way I see. Read your post I just quoted. It's full of self boundaries!

Lilycat10 wrote:I expect him to drop what he was doing because I would do the same for him. There's been many times he's called me and I've done so. It wouldn't matter what I was doing or how important it was.. I'd still drop it for him.

if you want to set yourself up for disappointment by someone not fulfilling your expectations then go for it.

but why should your expectations trump someone else's expectations. if you can hold them why can't someone else. and why is someone else's expectations of you less valid than you have of them.

if you considered them both equally valid, then you wouldn't be asking who is right and wrong i would think.

or if in the first place you didn't hold any expectations then there would be no reason to be disappointed and in turn turning to a fit of anger. but just because you don't hold someone else's bar up doesn't mean you have to abandon your principles, ones like you say 'i would still drop it for him'. you can't expect someone to reciprocate.

unless you just look for reasons to be pissed off at other people. then what you've got goin on is a surefire way to smelt anger. but since it's your own doing then you should stand up and accept your decision.

but if you turn to fabricated justifications to throw your yoke of responsibility and accountability onto soemone else's shoulders then you most certainly will be abandoned. not because someone 'hates you', but because you expect it of them and their backs can't take the load anymore.

food for thought. or not.