I'm sorry. Please don't read.

JohnnyBlaze wrote:[rant]
I really do try not to post much during down days. I don't want to bring the rest of you down as well. I know you're all dealing with the same thing anyway; I hate triggering others. I just feel so goddamn useless around here most of the time. Everyone else seems to know so much more about this $#%^ than I do, so I'm not very helpful in that vein. The experiences I know of that were quite probably related to BPD are so extreme, that I'm afraid to tell you in case I'm seen as a monster. I'm not the most outgoing of us, so I'm not even much of a greeter or morale booster, and being shy and AvPD, I don't have a whole lot of recent experience in the relationship department, so I'm not even good at talking about BPD issues there. To quote a song that I've been quoting quite frequently, lately, "I wish I was special." One day, I hope I'll find my place here.
[/rant]

You don't trigger others. Not me anyway. As you know, I'm a serial down days poster . I sometimes worry I'm triggering others, but everyone on here is so supportive and so lovely. It's ok to feel down, we all feel it. I too have AvPD, and I'm very closed off. I haven't had that much experience in relationships and I find it hard to give advice too. Especially when I'm feeling low.

We all have a monster inside of us, we often do things that aren't 'good' or 'right' in order to escape the feelings we struggle with daily, and also to keep others from rejecting and abandoning us. You have found you're place here, this board wouldn't be the same without you.

And by the way, you are special! I'm sure Thom Yorke would agree as well

Don't be down! I was respecting your wishes so much that I wasn't even going to click on this thread at all, based on the title. But then saw that 141 other people already had, and it was up to two pages, so um - yeah I clicked it.

I'll second what the others have said too. If you're having a down day, all the more reason to post. We're all here to help each other out. And don't worry about triggering anyone- triggers are different for each person- you can't possibly avoid everyone's triggers all the time. I can't write philosophical posts either- I will contribute my 2 cents worth if if fits and if I can manage to come up with something. Some days I've got the words and some days I really don't. Sometimes I'll just let people know I'm there. I'm not real good at the relationship thing either- apart from broken friendships, I've not really been in any.

And like Brooke said- sometimes just knowing that there is someone else who feels the same way you do is the biggest comfort. I know it is for me.

You all have no idea how much it helps, knowing that people out there understand. Well, then again, maybe you do. I just hate it when emotions take over in times when they shouldn't; as you all know, it's scary not even being able to be in control of yourself.

It seems to be that, later in the day is when I start to crash. Local time right now is 0930hrs (GMT -5) and I'm fine. As evening hits, that's when I start to slide. I don't know why it is, but at least I'm recognizing when it happens. Now I know...and knowing is half the battle.

Jimbocho wrote:Don't be down! I was respecting your wishes so much that I wasn't even going to click on this thread at all, based on the title. But then saw that 141 other people already had, and it was up to two pages, so um - yeah I clicked it.

Postin' in a non-postin' thread; that's a paddlin'. http://youtu.be/hFgR0m-9FmM

bsl9408 wrote:well im in sydney and alas no long weekend.. just a crappy monday.. so you dont have to worry yourself there
...

so you do have a place here.. youre part of a lil community where the people NEED to have others that understand how theyre feeling .. and you do understand, because you feel it too

xx brooke

Brooke, I'd take a short weekend in Sydney over a long weekend anywhere in the world, any day. I spent a few weeks down in Australia last year, including some time in Sydney, and absolutely loved it. There were only two things that bothered me:

1. I had to leave, and
2. You can't get Carlton Draught up here in Canada. I tried.

if I could score a visa, get a job and get my bike down there, I'd move there in a heartbeat, and I'm still working on those. The only issue is that I might be a little outcast down there. Not because of my funny accent or wanting to know the ice hockey scores, but I just couldn't barrack for the Swans. I'm a Doggie. (Although yes, I know; AFL isn't as big in Sydney as it is in Melbourne.)

Psh, Sydney. The Gold Coast is where it's at.

I'm a long-time lurker and only a recent poster, so I don't know you personally, JB. I'd just like to chime in like everyone else here and remind you that you aren't alone, and that we all have days that are worse than others. We are all struggling for control together, and the times that are the most desperate for an individual are the times when that person should band together with us, so we can all push through it, united. I guess it sounds a little cliche, haha.

Reading these forums has helped me immensely. I don't feel all alone in the world anymore. There are other people just like me, and that's a huge comfort. I genuinely wish I could help each and every one of the people here, because I know just how agonizing this disorder is, and I know it can be a struggle just to make it through the day. I know that no matter how hard we try, there exists this thing inside of us that sabotages and hinders our every attempt to gain control.

But it'll be okay. Whenever we get something good we always fret that it's going to leave us. It's that ever-present fear we have. Eventually, it's true, the good probably will leave you -- but so, too, will the pain. Nothing is permanent.

Well of course I read it, with a tag line like that!!

JB, I understand exactly how you feel. I've been feeling REALLY down lately with some serious things going on at work, and some drunken episodes that I've had lately. I'm a mess, as of late, and feel that I don't have much to add to anyone's posts on here lately.

I think the others are right though - when you're down, this is the BEST time to reach out a hand. I'm reaching too, but just know that someone in the US is holding your hand. Because she needs it. And she's scared. And she's lonely.

And she's me.


AMP

Is it me or is it weird how many people from Australia there are on here? I'm from the US and I've always said if I could travel or move anywhere it would be there without any hesitation..

matter wrote:Is it me or is it weird how many people from Australia there are on here?

Yeah, and why not? Nothing weird about it...

matter wrote:I'm from the US and I've always said if I could travel or move anywhere it would be there without any hesitation..

I ended up here by happenstance, stayed by decision. I was born and raised in Cali and didn't leave until 25. There already exists some preexisting connection between Americans and Australians, although some Australians might deny it. So it feels very comfortable from day one.

Americans who travel to Australia almost always love it, and Australians who travel to the US almost always love it.

But, stay here too long and you start to become one of them You may even find yourself thinking like them I'm now a mutant hybrid.