What does "emptiness" mean to you?

I think we've all seen the BPD DSM IV criteria. Look here http://ptypes.com/borderlinepd.html

One of the symptoms is chronic feelings of emptiness. The DSM, both 3 and 4, state that this trait is equated with boredom. Personally, that is what emptiness means to me, but what about you? Is emptiness a form of depression, a sense of depersonalization, a lack of sense of self, or what? If not boredom, but you suffer from this symptom, how does it affect you and cause troubles in your life? And what does the word emptiness mean to you?

To me the emptiness is feeling hollow, like my inner demons have eaten away at everything inside me. I don't feel like there is anything left for me, time really doesn't seem to exist nor do I feel like I do even in a physical sense sometimes (which definitely triggers my self harm so I can confirm my own physical presence sometimes).

If I did absolutely nothing today, not even left the house, would anyone care or even notice? Thom Yorke said it best, "I want you to notice when I'm not around."

Boredom doesn't cover it. Soul-crushing ennui, maybe? A total lack of interest in just about everything, and no real desire to continue in this pointless existential waiting room, perhaps.

JohnnyBlaze wrote:Thom Yorke said it best, "I want you to notice when I'm not around."

"You're so ######6 special, I wish I was special..
But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo,
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here""

I often feel like I don't belong here, amazing song JB, I'm in love with Radiohead.

Aj, feeling empty to me is being an empty shell. My chest feels hollow, I feel like there is no point to my life, what am I here for? I feel I have nothing, I'm a ghost in the world, and my existence is only clarified when someone hugs me or tells me I'm needed. I feel alone, worthless, hollow. Sometimes I feel empty and bored, when I have absolutely nothing to do, I feel pointless. I sit there and stare into space because I don't know what I like, I don't know who I am and what to do with myself, what can I really do anyway? It's a horrible feeling...

Jimbocho wrote:no real desire to continue in this pointless existential waiting room, perhaps.

^^ Very well put! Love it!

Excellent responses. I figured emptiness would mean something other than boredom to other people. DSM doesn't really explain this trait at all except to say that borderline people are easily bored and may constantly seek something to do. This is true for me, I feel a crushing sense of boredom almost all the time but emptiness looks like such a broad emotional state, and to say in the definition that it's chronic must mean it's a constant emotional state, so I was curious what other people experienced it as. I can see why it would cause self harm. I've also heard repeated references to a feeling of hollowness in the chest, like it's a physical sensation. How does it affect your daily life to feel like this as if there is no reason to continue living with such a negative emotional state constantly eating away at you?

It's not knowing who I am, what I think, feel, need, want or believe. It can be an emotional nothingness. It makes me feel as though I have nothing to contribute to society or any sort of relationship. It's not knowing what I like, who I want to be, what I want to do with my life. There's no future that I can see, I've just achieved my goal I had- to visit England, and though I know I want to visit again someday, I don't know what there is now. I have no goals. It's a bit of a state of nothingness that I don't know what to fill it with. I don't feel it as a physical state- just as a mental and emotional one. It ties me up in knots, I have self harmed over it, and have often wondered why I bother continuing when this is all I can see.

To me it is all of those things and........

Not being able to enjoy the moment, basically ever. I'm always searching for something else......even if i'm doing the most incredible thing, in that moment i'm still anxious to be doing whatever is going to happen next.

It's like whatever moment i am in.......i need to get to the next one as soon as possible, cause i just can't stand being still?


Like....don't get me confused, i don't run around and i'm not hyperactive........i also am this way in thought.
Since i intellectualise virtually everything anyway..........there seems to be little difference from when i'm doing things, and when i'm just thinking about things.........but yeah, it's all basically a giant rush to get to the next moment............i guess cause i'm waiting for something bad to happen, and waiting for doom is nearly as bad as experiencing it (until you experience it!) LOL


To me, that's really what my emptiness drives me to miss out on.........actually enjoying anything. Actually being satisfied with anything........being afraid/unable to physically just experience...........



Ha.....reminds me why i hate sex, unless there is a lot of dirty talk. I need everything to be exciting and reassuring at the same time.........



Err.....i don't hate sex obviously. THat is BPD hyperbole..........




I actually think of these song lyrics a lot........


So you're sending me on a holiday
Where did the time go
I saw it pass away

We wear nothing but sad faces
Where did the time go
I saw it pass away

Pain is simple
confidence
It helps me to slow down
Slow it down

We go nowhere but old places
Where did the time go
That way
Slow it down

We were old familiar strangers
How was the time though
Not bad

Pain is simple
confidence
Helps me to slow down
Slow it down



I sometimes think my whole life, is an escape from emotions that i can't make sense of.

I think and think and think..........i narrate and i analyse...........cause feeling is just like to chaotic and archaic. Like i'm pre-human or something......the way i feel things. Certainly not adult....


Ha.......if i think about this too much........it just reminds me i'm essentially just a psychopath.

to me right now, emptiness means that I will put 100% effort into any thing except for my self esteem. I don't know my self or care about trying to be a PERSON. The guilt I feel constantly is too much.
I just want to indulge in my sins now and not feel any thing about it at all.

Jimbocho wrote:Boredom doesn't cover it. Soul-crushing ennui, maybe? A total lack of interest in just about everything, and no real desire to continue in this pointless existential waiting room, perhaps.

I couldn't have put it any better. Sometimes I have fleeting interests I pursue and they seem to fill me up for a little while, then something shifts and the whole mood changes and it's no longer interesting or engaging....

Maybe it's okay to be this way.