Coming to Terms with Feeling Sick

I am so hard on myself. I feel that I must do everything perfectly and be the perfect person for me to be allowed to exist. I can't even begin to do things perfectly, so I am in a perpetually guilty and intensely fearful. I feel so guilty that my husband is supporting me financially, I just feel that I am lazy and worthless. I am beginning to come to terms with the fact that I am not well and never have been. It's a terrifying realization, however, it also alleviates a bit of the guilt. I wish that I could just give myself a break truly realize how difficult it is for me to function and give myself some credit for coming as far as I have while feeling so sick. There is a tyrant in my head; it never lets up; I just want some compassion from myself instead of constant self-condemnation.

Mooshoo, you definitely should be proud of yourself! It's difficult to function when you're sick and going through a lot.
Has anyone made you feel like a burden before? Is there anything that makes you feel useful?

Jasmin, thanks so much for your reply I really appreciate it. Right now I don't feel that I have come to terms with anything. I feel that I do not deserve to exist. I imagined great things for my life, I even obtained a master's degree, however, my life is going nowhere because I am not well. At this point I feel that I am a burden to my husband since I am not contributing financially. I always wanted to be something, but it seems that I really am nothing. I feel utterly worthless.

You're not well now, but that doesn't mean that you will never achieve what you want to achieve. You'll still be here, even if it's a few years from now, and you will live your life as you want.

mooshoo wrote:I am so hard on myself. I feel that I must do everything perfectly and be the perfect person for me to be allowed to exist. I can't even begin to do things perfectly, so I am in a perpetually guilty and intensely fearful. I feel so guilty that my husband is supporting me financially, I just feel that I am lazy and worthless. I am beginning to come to terms with the fact that I am not well and never have been. It's a terrifying realization, however, it also alleviates a bit of the guilt. I wish that I could just give myself a break truly realize how difficult it is for me to function and give myself some credit for coming as far as I have while feeling so sick. There is a tyrant in my head; it never lets up; I just want some compassion from myself instead of constant self-condemnation.

Self acceptance is the beginning of healing and balance within. It can lead you to understanding yourself better, and most rewardingly, can lead to a healthy state of self awareness and self connection.