Waking up full of rage

I feel like thrashing the place. It's very difficult not to. URGH. I can't even think
jvioejvovjoiejvwohtbuhtbvw; !

Usually I give in even though I don't want to thrash the place.

ghvsluvheiou gahhhhhhh. Sorry :/

Well if it makes you feel any better I woke up full of worry, regret, remorse and a fair bit of depression accompanied by a fair enough bit of anger. If I had any coffee in the house, I'd definitely have some. Actually, I may have something a bit stronger later.

I'm sorry but I just have to link a song here now, it's on repeat in my head now. I love the song but I don't want it in my head right this moment!

The Tossers - I've Pursued Nothing

http://youtu.be/_GPXXfxpQ94

You have given me an idea for a thread, though. I hope you're feeling better later on.

Hey! Thanks for the song. I really like the lyrics.

I feel quite chirpy right now. I want to go "lalalalalalalalala! hello hello hello hello hello!" all over the place and "hahahahahahahahahahahahaha"

Hmm. This happened before. (can't remember if it's more than once - my memory is very bad) I woke up full of rage, then became this chirpy little bird, and carried on doing so for the next few days. And I'll eat everything that looks good, be really high, want to go to carnivals, spin around, talk nonstop.

I hated the experience. It didn't felt like me. It felt as though something possessed me, and I'm trapped inside my own body, watching and having no control. Also I hate being high. But I. Can't. Stop. "Hahahahhahahaha"-ing.

*edit: and I will think that jumping off a building is FUN, setting the house on fire is fun, spray painting every wall I can find is fun. Thankfully, I have enough restraint not to jump off, but not with setting things on fire and vandalising.

It's strangely comforting that I am not the only person that wakes up with worry, remorse, regret and depression. That's the way I wake up everyday. It's the worst.

mooshoo wrote:It's strangely comforting that I am not the only person that wakes up with worry, remorse, regret and depression. That's the way I wake up everyday. It's the worst.

Misery loves company?

-- Tue Aug 30, 2011 12:24 pm --

white-rabbit,

You've either got one effed up case/form of BPD, or you've got something co-existing along with it; only you would know. I was trying to work out which. That's pretty intense.

Insofar as what you're describing, things haven't been anywhere near that extreme for me since I was in my late-teens. Still, I don't experience this aspect quite as strongly although I definitely do bounce like a rubber ball, but it's faster and a bit less pronounced -- for an extreme close to what you're describing, something fairly substantial has to trip it off. No two cases are the same though,.. I probably get things you don't, or to an extreme you don't; I can't say really.

I do relate though.

Is there anything you can do to try and level yourself out?

(I'm glad you liked my song btw)

I can't think of anything I can do to level myself out. My mind is throwing all these "hahahahas lalalalalas wheees I can do anything I want (includes sleeping on the streets, throwing myself at anyone I find, basically anything potentially disastrous is fun) don't stop me" at me.

I'm going to try and stay in my room/house..

white-rabbit wrote:I'm going to try and stay in my room/house..

Yeah, fair enough. Wise, too. Sometimes all you can do is wait it out.

waking up full of rage happens for me too, usually if i go back to sleep and think/dream the wrong thing, then wake up feeling that way.

but rage feels different to me. if i feel "high on my anger" its definitely not chirpy or lalalala. and
i certainly wouldn't go sleep in the street when i have a perfectly good bed, its all cold and concrete

setting things on fire is associated with rage, and i can understand that. basically, if you feel like thay cause of rage, its all about aggression - sometimes i feel urges to violently self-harm when i feel that way, but i don't see it as fun, its more about release.

spraying walls makes me think more "good outlet" than "bad outlet" but i'd be painting a picture inspired by those feelings, - i'd want to add something, change it, and make a point, not destroy stuff, so its not something i'd get the urge to do cause i was angry.

but jumping off the roof (:shock:) or wanting to sleep in the street im not so sure about, bpd can include hypomania, it sounds more like that to me than rage? (feel free to explain if im barking up the wrong tree!)

I felt angry the other day. i feel angry on and off. but i don't feel any of those other things. I've felt a lot better since I had a chance to vent some stuff that was bothering me, and had a chance to think about it.

mostly in the last few days i feel normal. (for me.) have at times felt quite fed up in the last few days, but im more chirpy cause for the first time in AGES i no longer feel beaten down by life in the same way. im pushing it to the back of my mind. its still there, but i don't want to feel like that cause i hate feeling that way.

I'm feeling the other way round i guess, for the first time in ages i feel like me again. (meaning about my mood and outlook.)

I also often decide to stay in if i get problems with rage tho. but i struggle with it, i have to constantly remind myself i don't want the consequences if i act on it, but it doesn't make me chirpy!

If I'm struggling, its closer to "desperation" than "chirpy". It doesn't make me feel like not me, when it happens, its just me, struggling with my feelings.

Sorry you're having trouble with this White-Rabbit.

-- Tue Aug 30, 2011 7:25 pm --

Lol @ The Tossers, Appocallcaps!

my dad (the one i like ) likes Irish music, so i sort of got into the odd bit too.

Right when I wake up in the morning is one of the only times during the day when I feel stable. My brain is working slowly and I feel numb and tired and don't have any emotional problems until I get up for the day.

katana wrote:Lol @ The Tossers, Appocallcaps!

my dad (the one i like ) likes Irish music, so i sort of got into the odd bit too.

Cool, yeah. So long as we're talking about The Tossers don't forget about Blood or Whiskey...