HELP! Borderline Mother(Walking on EGG SHELLS)

I am a 17 year old girl, and my mother has BPD.
My dad moved out 4 years ago and moved in with a co-worker(that he ended up marrying and having 2 kids) Anyways, That was very stressful for my mother, and it still is(for both of us)
Im trying to understand where my mom is coming from, and what she is having to deal with.. but even if i try to talk to her about something that is buggin me she starts yelling and slamming stuff. I have two brothers, my 20 year old brother lives full time with my dad.. and my 15 year old brother goes over ever other week. well, he is never asked to do anything over at my dads house (dishes, mow the lawn, etc.) So whyen he comes back to my moms house he is not expecting to do aything.. and when my mom asks him he either ignores her so she has to ask multiple times or she just asks me.. well since i am over here full time i am always the one doing the dishes or helping cleaning up the house (even when my mom sits on the computer for hours.)

And everytime i try to bring up that "she always asks me to do stuff even when david is here, and i feel taken advantage of" she always starts yelling and starts putting all the blame on me..

She also says that my two (only) friends are bad influences on me, and refuses to let me hangout with them. even when i ask for just an hour or so to hangout.they are not bad influences, they just come from troubled homes and they do not have any bounderies (they drink, sleep around) both things that I DO NOT do.
and then my mom lets my brother have his friends spend multiple nights at our house and continues to ask me to do everything..

Im sorry, but am I the only one in the wrong here?
I have tried multiple times to apply at different jobs but none of them call me back. and I know how much support my mom needs, which is why i quit goiung over to my dads.
Yeah, I could go over there every other week or even move over there but i know my mom needs me..

Help, Please!

I am sorry to hear you are in this situation. I can relate to so much of what you said. One thing i can assure you is that the stress in your life right now is temporary. You can have control over how your life will turn out. Listen closely: you are not at fault for your mothers moods, anger and behavior. She is just overwhelmed emotionally and cannot be the mother you deserve right now. This does not mean she does not love you. It just means that you will have to coparent yourself. You are doing a good thing by not drinking and not sleeping around. Your focus now is on keeping yourself safe. Go back to spending some weekends at your fathers place. You are not abandoning your mother by doing that. Find places you can be at afterschool (library, sports, youth group at church). Minimize the time you spend at home and find others who can hear your side. Your mother is not capable right now of being supportive emotionally to you. You can still be there for her by keeping your room and bathroom clean, feeding yourself and not adding to her distress by having power struggles with her. Dont tell her it is not fair. You have told her that in the past and it didnt work. Just do your part, spend more time out of the eye of the storm doing constructive things. Plan your future now. Talk to the school counselor about your desire to get a job and ask for help. You can survive this period in your life.

I'm really sorry to hear about your home situation. You're in a tough spot, and we are here and listening to you. Please post as much as you need, this is a very supportive place!

First off, I completely agree - one day, you may feel differently about giving up having weekends with your father. It's okay to be angry, and its okay to support your mother, but the important thing is that you have that relationship connection for yourself. You also have some half-siblings to have a relationship with. Please don't cut that out of your life, or down the road you may feel differently about it than you do right now, and it may not be good. Just my opinion...

As for your mom, you are NOT responsible for her moods and behavior, and its important to do things for yourself, and to live your life for you. Don't lose yourself and take a backseat just to give someone else happiness. I'm not encouraging you to go out and do anything dangerous, nor would I advise you to do things to purposefully upset your mother. I just think its important for you to make some time to do the things that YOU like to do. Will you be graduating this year and going to college? Because she is going to have to figure out what life will be like without you in her home. I know its hard right now, but you WILL get through this, and it sounds like you are a great daughter to your mom! You care and understand her need for extra support! That's a wonderful thing, and I sure hope she appreciates it - just remember to make yourself happy too. :0)

Good luck in your journey - I know this isn't easy. You do seem to have a lot together though, and deserve to hear that! Take care!

AMP