HELP

Hi! i wonder if anyone can help me. I have been treated for depression on and off for 12 years. In April i visted pdoc and he took me off antid and said he thought i had bipolar type 2, he told me to research it. My app is next week to see him again, but since then i have came across bpd so now i dont know what to think. So many of the syptoms i have experienced since i can remember, but just thought i was a bad person and didnt tell anyone, this is me;

no sense of self at all, who am i? what am i? what do i want? etc.. always questioning myself over every decision

way, way over sensitive, apologise for myself all the time, beat myself up all the time

analize peoples body language etc.. to see what they really think

no self esteem, im bad, no confidence, people only say nice things to be polite

no trust of people particularly myself

friends / partner is either with me or against me - our relationship is only as good as the last interaction

extremes of emotions nearly every day

drink, drugs, unsafe sex, excessive spending etc.. especially in the past

never been faithful

always have very intense relationships which develop really quickly

i used to manipulate people

ive only put a few things down, but i am so confused, i would appreciate any input anyone has thank you