Dont know what to do

Is over with my boyfriend, he doesnt care anymore, doesnt want to be bothered with me anymore, I kind of wanted it to end too but now that it has.. and that its because its a problem with me i dont know what to do, i know if i had access to pills right now then they would be so fast down my throat, i had one valium left and i took it, my mum doesnt have more, it was my last one, and i dnt see dr til tuesday, i cant deal with this im just crying and having anxiety attacks, im so scared, i cant handle pain like this anymore, i dont really have anyone to turn to, he was my life and im too embarrassed to turn to my family, i hate him so much for doing this to me it hurts so much

Think of things other than yourself.

And if you must think of yourself......then think of all the reasons, why this is not such a bad thing.


Remind yourself, that your feelings are feelings......your thoughts are thoughts. They aren't right or wrong or important or unimportant.

bsl9408 wrote:i know if i had access to pills right now then they would be so fast down my throat

Then metaphysically you're already dead, or in hospital right this moment. I'm currently writing to either the ghost of bsl, or responding to bsl texting on her phone with a tube down her throat. If that thought doesn't concern you, then ruminate over it until it does.

So, you're that certain, are you? I'm taking your word for it. If I am to take your word for it then what happens when you do have access to them in the not too distant future, and even if you resist it then, what happens the next time they're available?

I think a very wise thing for you to do this moment is begin brainstorming on how you would go about not ODing, rather than how you would go about it. The worst thing you could possibly do for yourself at this moment is not think at all.

There will come a time, and a time after that when you're feeling this way except on that day the pills will be available. What then? I'd advise you have it all planned and worked out in your mind before that day comes. I hope the sorting out you've done before hand coincides with a positive outcome.

wasn't suicidal with respect to the pills.. just wanted enough to stop the pain for today.. and maybe tomorrow.. anything that i would potentially od on is locked up in one of those money tins for which my mum has the key.. my thoughts are often extremely impulsive and they pass .. i could go look for the tin, i could break it open.. but i dont .. i do my best now more than ever to just suffer through the feelings .. i took 2.5mg of olanzapine when i had 5mg available..

i cant not think.. its extremely hard .. when my mind does start going off i try grounding techniques but then it just goes off again .. today ive been ok for 20 mins and then a wreck for 20 mins then ok again and so forth..

im trying to distract myself from myself but its not working.. tried doing uni work and couldnt.. and the weather was absolutely crap today so i couldnt really go anywhere.. then coz i took olanzapine i couldnt really go anywhere in my car .. feel like i need people to give me attention

-- Fri Aug 19, 2011 11:53 pm --

just want someone to love me n take care of me

Ah, I see. I've been a bit fuzzy of late, I may have read too much into it and/or not read it properly. It just sounded that way to me.

Brooke - I'm so sorry about your relationship. I wrote you a long post, but for some reason it isn't showing up? That's weird I've noticed it happening before.

Zyprexa is pretty good. It doesn't take that long to calm you down, and there is minimal side effects. I was on it for a long time last year and through part of this one.

I'm glad that you aren't going to take any excessive pills. I would truly miss you :0)

AMP

Zyprexa is poison. People are being sued as we speak, because of it.

They're ALL poison. Geodon made me a lunatic.

Seroquel is Satan in pill-form.

But regardless, they do help people.

AMP

I once read it stated by someone, some where that it's "almost criminal" that those with BPD are given antipsychotics as a solution. I have to say I 100% agree with the sentiment.

Having said, as I've stated in the past, Geodon quite literally saved my life and gave me peace for the first time in what was then 7 years. It worked by turning me into an emotionless robot. I even did things in a very mechanical, ordered, eerily regular manner, and I also felt as if I was in this bubble, cocoon expect it was comfortable -- too comfortable I might say.

It felt great at the time though as it was such a relief from the total chaos which plagued my mind and clawed at my body. I was on it for just over a year. Shortly after I finally got sick off it and went off it I felt a mental sensation of falling from this bubble or cocoon that was floating far up in the sky; I felt the crash when I hit ground, and the chaos returned with a vengeance although with confusion this time.

I was used to living up in the air in my bubble, how the hell was I ever going to return to this world I'd tried to forget? I'd forgotten how to live with it. I'd been thrown from my happy little home of eerie peace and tranquility into an inferno of life and reality I'd left behind and forgot. What was this alien world I now found myself in? I'd grown to believe the other world was reality. I almost wanted to return. Surely this couldn't be reality?

Shortly thereafter, I discovered the joys of moodstabilzers and all was relatively well...

I think antipsychotics are very useful for people who are psychotic, are having a prolonged psychotic episode, or when nothing else is working -- but for the latter two it should not in my opinion be seen in any way as a permanent solution.