So, I'm going back on an antidepressant...

Cymbalta, it's one of the few that I know I can tolerate.

I'm slightly buzzed, I'm not going to lie. So what if it's only 6:00 PM on a Monday. (name the reference)

Anyway, I had one of those week-long decision making processes, and came to the conclusion that I've got to do something -- in order to get where I want to be going I need a bit more life.

This time, though, I'm going on it whilst taking a moodstabilizer so things should go better this time. I took the first pill today -- in short order, I have some very odd dreams to look forward to. Sometimes I get embarrassed when I wake up and realize I'd been talking quite audibly in my sleep, or worse, making funny noises of some sort, and I know for certain my neighbors and/or their friends overheard. Last time, I woke up to the sound to the bf of my next door neighbour making that this-is-awkward-and-I'm-uncomfortable cough. I don't think he was the only friend of hers out there either. Meh.

Why can't I just not need the things? Sure, I can go without them for stretches of time--but it always come back down to me feeling the need for them.

It's fast-acting, especially if you benefit from the Norepinephrine more than, or as much as the Serotonin. I'll most likely be able to notice something in 3-4 days, and that's how it has always been in the past. I could afford to go off of it at one stage -- but at this stage I just can't justify to myself not being on an antidepressant.

I'm posting this here publicly partially to create an online journal for comparative purposes. I'll be able to go back over any posts at some stage and see if there's a gradual change in myself and in what way. I know things wont go terribly 'wrong', they never do so long as I'm taking a moodstabilizer alongside said antidepressant.

Wish me luck...

Good luck. I hope to start an antidepressant in October. I was medication resistant before though.

Z1t23ch3 wrote:Good luck. I hope to start an antidepressant in October. I was medication resistant before though.

Thanks man...

Good luck to you as well! And I know the feeling; it took me forever to find the meds I can tolerate. I've tried out at least 20 in the past 10 years. I could probably list you off-hand most of what I can and can't take, and why. I was hellbent. I wasn't going to spend my life that way.

This isn't meant to be condescending at all, so I hope it doesn't come off as such -- but you have to be persistent and doggedly determined, or you may as well not even try...

Peace

My therapist told me that my pdoc is going to start backing me off my meds, which I actually find VITAL to my recovery. I'm DESPERATE to stay on my antidepressant (Lexapro) because I'm afraid without it I will fall back down the pit.

I also cannot live without my Buspar and Klonipin. I don't know what I will do when I don't have some sort of relief from agitation and anger. I can, however, happily start by giving up my Strattera. I think I needed it for the focus for awhile, but think that I've grown out of it. I'm also on the lowest dose possible.

I know this is a little different that what your post intended, but I'm okay with being on medication because I feel that without it, I wouldn't be able to handle my mood swings. I haven't had much luck with mood stabilizers, because I've always seemed to need something stronger to control the pendulum.

That's just my 10 cents. :0)

Best of luck to you!!! Lots of support coming from me!!!

AMP

MissAli wrote:My therapist told me that my pdoc is going to start backing me off my meds, which I actually find VITAL to my recovery. I'm DESPERATE to stay on my antidepressant (Lexapro) because I'm afraid without it I will fall back down the pit.

I also cannot live without my Buspar and Klonipin. I don't know what I will do when I don't have some sort of relief from agitation and anger. I can, however, happily start by giving up my Strattera. I think I needed it for the focus for awhile, but think that I've grown out of it. I'm also on the lowest dose possible.

I know this is a little different that what your post intended, but I'm okay with being on medication because I feel that without it, I wouldn't be able to handle my mood swings. I haven't had much luck with mood stabilizers, because I've always seemed to need something stronger to control the pendulum.

That's just my 10 cents. :0)

Best of luck to you!!! Lots of support coming from me!!!

AMP

Mood-stabilizers are actually incredibly powerful medications; they're anti-epileptics. I've always needed strong medication as well; before Lamictal I was on Trileptal, and Geodon (an antipsychotic) before that. Busbar wasn't strong enough for me -- I'm on an insane dosage of clonazepam; an anticonvulsant. I need the clonazepam not just for anxiety but to complement the mood-stabilizer/anti-epileptic.

Lexapro is indeed a powerful antidepressant, but Cymbalta is every bit as much so.

I'm not happy about having to go on a medication that can possibly cause your cock not to work for reasons such as not being able to speak audibly or carry on a simple dialogue, and to simply be able to do things... anything. That among other things. My problem isn't solely mood-swings. I get hellish depressions and can get in delusional dissociative states as well, and I only respond to strong antidepressants and often times need very high doses of them. That isn't the end of it, though. If I were on the medications you are without a mood-stabilizer I would be insane and gripped by chaotic emotions; I wouldn't know what was going on. It would destabilize my 'pendulum' and that's only the half of it.

Our problems are different, and everyone is different, so we respond to different medications.

Screw it, I'm not going on this stuff.

Apocallcaps wrote:Screw it, I'm not going on this stuff.

Why not?

I have to agree. Yeah, why not?

We are ALL different, and meds hit us differntly. I have been on TONS of meds, and none worked, or at least didn't work in tandem with what I was taking...

I hate to see you give up... what's going on?

AMP

It's okay, I'll keep going. I just wish I didn't need it. Going on a new med is stressful and with everything else going on in my life it's yet another stress. I also think back to the side-effects that made me go off it twice even though it was doing its job mood, motivation and concentration-wise and it irritates me that I'm yet again having to go back on it. Once you're established on an antidepressant one can feel kinda 'trapped' as they're incredibly different to get off, and Cymbalta is known for being one of the most unpleasant to come off. I remember that feeling, and I dread feeling 'trapped' again.

Also, having been on so medications that went horribly wrong and nearly made me lose control has forever left an impression on me. With any antidepressant though you can get sudden feelings of anxiety or panic while you're first going on it; I experienced one of those and that 'triggered' my memories of those experiences.

It also wasn't wise to drink whilst having only need started it that day--which I was aware of, but I did it almost deliberately. I'll do reckless things like that deliberately as it gets my rocks off. Sorta, "F*** it!" I don't know, I get something out of it.

Anyway, I may start documenting any changes I notice along the way in my blog.

Hey Apo -

Are you really depressed at the moment? Would you mind sharing why you chose to go back on the anti-depressant? (Sorry, I haven't been browsing the BPD forum ever since my diagnosis changed.) I think its good that you're also on a mood-stabilizer. You're right, they are REALLY powerful. I'm on 300 mg of Lamictal now after my manic episode, along with 15 mg of Abilify. In other words, they are keeping me really sedated. I don't even feel sedated because the mania is trying to push through still.

Anyways - I'm sorry that you're flip-flopping about what to do concerning the anti-depressant. I'd give my vote to giving it a shot. Maybe the positives would outweigh the negatives.