Is it a trait of BPD to have personal charm?

From another thread: I asked Miss ALi if she was charming, becauses no matter how much she trashed her mate, he would come back.

MissAli wrote:Steve-

Yeah, I'm probably pretty charming. I don't truly think I am deep down, in my own eyes, but I've had people make comments about my sparkling personality, so I guess I have one.

It's only a matter of time before someone can't put up with my "negative" personality traits, and forgets about the good ones. I tend to wear people out. I truly don't mean to, I'm just a rather large pain in the a$$. I wish I weren't.

AMP

Thanks. All of that describes all 3 BPD's I know, including the charming part. I wonder if being charming isi a BPD trait. Do people tell you you can be or are charming or words to that effect? All 3 were good at verbal banter too, as was Amy Winehouse, and all 3 were witty, clever. I was drawn to all 3. BPD's rule.

Steve

I'm pretty charmless, actually. Very socially awkward and avoidant. If someone told me I was witty, charming, or clever, I'd ask them to reveal what kind of drugs they were on.

I suppose i can be charming. i guess BPDs have different personalities as much as anything and would tenf to vary that way. but even if not charming probably have some sort of intuitive appeal to some people. And at other times nothing to do with those things.

Lily, does your boyfriend go away and come back? Or maybe he has just accepted you have BPD (if your BPD is more typical) and knows what to expect for the moment at least? (I say typical cause I don't have ALL BPD traits, I do push/pull though it is more subtle (meaning milder, not subtle as in manipulative). Its something i need to work on, but don't seem to be able to control it that well yet.)

I mean I'm not living with a partner right now. and right at this moment I wouldn't change that, I have boundaries. I would guess most nons have boundaries too?

biitchelectric wrote:I'm pretty charmless, actually. Very socially awkward and avoidant. If someone told me I was witty, charming, or clever, I'd ask them to reveal what kind of drugs they were on.

So are you certain you are BPD?

Steve

lockett wrote:

biitchelectric wrote:I'm pretty charmless, actually. Very socially awkward and avoidant. If someone told me I was witty, charming, or clever, I'd ask them to reveal what kind of drugs they were on.

So are you certain you are BPD?

Steve

Obviously only Biitchelectric can answer that question, but I imagine its certainly possible for pwBPD to be awkward/anxious socially. Its definitely possible for pwBPD to see themselves that way.

I'm not charming. I'm not often witty or clever, only on occasion.... It's really not a regular thing in my life

Steve-

I did want to clarify one thing. I was speaking of my ex-husband, who comes back for more and more even though I now know I must have tangled his world like the shrub that I feel like (today).

My current bf, however, is very good at setting boundaries. If I get whiny and needy, he tells me that he is busy with work (or whatever of such is going on), that he loves me more than anything in the world, and we will talk about it later. And then when "later" usually comes, I'm over my mood and could care less. Sometimes I do want the conversation still, most of the time I do not.

Anyways, yeah I think most BPD's that have HPD or NPD tendencies are charismatic, but I wouldn't say at all that it can be a generalized characteristic. Just my opinion.

AMP

lockett wrote:So are you certain you are BPD?

Steve

What the f*ck? Did you seriously just ask me that?

No, I don't think so at all. Look at HPD and NPD, those are the disorders where charm is often stated to accompany them; is also stated that if it is connected to HPD and especially NPD then it can be false, or superficial, which of the two and the degree of which of the two (false or superficial) depending on if it's HPD or NPD.

I think if one with BPD has charm it is part of their personality, not personality disorder. Also, sorry to speak for you MisAli, but I should point out that she has said she has BPD+HPD.

I am like Biitchelectric described; except, I have been complimented on occasions for being 'charming, witty, clever' but its only ever been over the net, and in the real world when I know someone very, very well and/or connect with them and am comfortable with them. Otherwise I'm painfully socially awkward and withdrawn, and likely seen as aloof, moody, serious, analytical and sarcastic.

-- Mon Jul 25, 2011 4:58 pm --

biitchelectric wrote:

lockett wrote:So are you certain you are BPD?

Steve

What the f*ck? Did you seriously just ask me that?

It would he appear he elicited the same reaction in both of us. What the f*ck, indeed...

I was seriously waiting for you to say that, BE.

Steve, what is your MO? I've read a lot of your posts. Are you BPD too, or just your neighbor and friends? I saw your post about the static on old analog TV's. And it seems you're putting pieces together for something, just wasn't sure if you had a BPD signficant other, or were BPD yourself.

And Apoll - thank YOU for pointing that out :0). I was just about to correct my earlier post and put that I am first and foremost BPD, but have definite HPD as a secondary diagnosis as well.

I like it that I feel as if others know me :0). Thank you, A.

AMP