Relationship advice needed...

Okay so I've been with the same guy for the last 9 years or so. I'm now recovered from BPD, well as much as anyone can be I suppose, and I've nearly completed unraveling the false life I led previously. So I realized today that I pressured my man into proposing to me, buying the ring, etc. about 3 months into the relationship. After talking to him, he admitted this was the case. The thing is, I don't know what to do now or if there is "something" to do about it.

Partly it feels like "well why is he still around?" and another thing is that I suggested that we get re-engaged, no pressure on one or the other to pop the question. Then I felt like I may have hurt him somehow by suggesting it. What I was feeling inside was, 'Oh wow, another thing that happened because of my BPD, I have to make up for it/correct it, explain, whatever' and I think I may have been unkind in the suggestion but I don't know!

Anyone have any insights into this? There is just so much to unravel... like I don't know where I began and the BPD ended and I want to figure this out without hurting anyone. Thanks in advance.

Hi Kira!!

I have a little insight... he HAS been around 9 years, so he obviously loves you. Maybe he felt pressured back then, but he hasn't seen a reason to turn tail and run, so maybe, just maybe, you can leave this one alone. I APPLAUD you for your recovery, and always find your advice some of the best I've received, so I'm honored to offer any of my own to you, but maybe what you could suggest is a "re-dedication" to each other with a small trip or romantic weekend somewhere?

Did you happen to tell him that you realized this and just wanted to ensure that you weren't putting him in a position he didn't want to be in before you asked him if he wanted a do-over? Or did you just kinda spring it on him? I'm a "springer" so I just wondered.

Maybe YOU should propose to him with an inexpensive yet thoughtful gift!!! Wouldn't that really show him how much you appreciate him? <3 Just a thought... I'm a hopeless romantic!!!

AMP

Thanks for the advice! Yea I had made the realization, then suggested a re-engagement and of course I meant re-dedication, hope he got that part. I think it would help a lot if I did unexpectedly propose to him because in the past he wondered if I was really committed to him.

ALso in addition to proposing at some time in the future, I will heed your advice and just let this one alone! Thanks again.

But of course!!!! I definitely think you should do something over-the-top for him! He sounds like a REAL keeper!!! :0)

Congrats, K!!! Keep us informed how it goes!! BIG SMILES FOR YOU!!!!

AMP