Was this the BPD, or do I have an alter?

I am 23. I have been diagnosed with just about every disorder under the sun. But I know for a fact I have BPD. When I was younger, I used to have missing memory gaps once in a while during very stressful events. Well I am lesbian, and I like this girl, and we have been arguing back and forth for a while, and last night, my BPD made me tell her that I have a personality disorder and she should run like everyone else. Well I was laying in bed with my phone, made a status on Facebook, then I was looking over the text I sent her over and over again, and thinking to myself, "I should put this phone somewhere where I can't see it, or it will drive me crazy." Well when I woke up the next morning, it was gone. I had not left the house or anything. I know for a fact I had to have put it somewhere, and don't have any recollection of it. I went through the whole room, tore it apart. It is not there. No one else in the house (my grandmother) saw it anywhere. Can people with BPD "black out" when under stress, or is this another personality?

I'm sure we can, but I don't think it happens any more than anyone else would. Many BPD'ers have emotional blackouts, where we can show one emotion towards someone at one minute and then switch over the next, without realizing that we did. As far as I know, though, that's generally as close as it gets in terms of BPD symptoms.

Of course, I'm not a doctor. I just play one, from time to time.

They have speculated that I have more than one personality as well, so I am trying to figure all this out. Sometimes when I still actually hung out with friends, they would bring up occasions that I was emotionally totally out of it, like bad situations, and I could not remember. Even up to a whole days worth. I disappeared for an hour after my high school graduation, and no one knew where I went, including myself. I didn't even notice time had elapsed. All I remember is walking into my house and slamming the door, then going to my room and throwing glass objects at the wall...

I, too, am not a doctor, but I do have BPD, and am fairly certain I don't have alternate personalities...and I have done things I didn't realize I did during periods of extreme stress, or in situations that were very stressful. I'm not entirely sure that's limited to BPD, though, I have heard that anyone under extreme stress can sort of "black out."

If you are worried, you should definitely talk to your therapist, though. If you have other symptoms that might indicate alters, your therapist will want to know so they can make a proper diagnosis.

In the meantime, we're all here if you need to talk.

Thank you

May be a stupid question, but have you tried ringing the phone?

I know you said you didn't leave the house but is there any evidence that you did during the night even if youre not aware of it? E.g. did any shoes end up where you hadn't left them, things like that.. maybe you just sleep walk??? if youve put it somewhere while sleep walking it might be in a really weird place so turn the house upside down.. i hope you find it


I get the emotional black outs and dissociation.. no distinct alters though as far as I know.. i feel i have completely different versions of myself.. but not alters.. check out the DID thread on this site.. they may be able to help you with the alters question..

take care good luck with phone hunt xx

Thanks. Oddly enough, my BPD makes me keep my phone on silent. Or maybe it's my OCD. I am always so afraid someone won't answer me that I like to be in control of when I check the phone. If that makes sense. I am pretty sure I didn't sleep walk. I had the phone downstairs. I slept upstairs.