Writing to cope..

Would anyone be interested in sharing their creative coping mechanisms in a thread dedicated to writing (within reason considering length..) about BPD?

I think its a great idea.

i've used writing music as a coping mechanism for dealing with feelings. also drawing to express stuff that has come up. i think those were more to do with coping with trauma when i uncovered it than coping with BPD, but still a good idea.

I'll share a piece in hopes that someone would be interested in reading. Keep in mind that sometimes dramatix are needed to fully express the almost unexplainable lives we live.

Insanity's Muffled Scream

I have swam the ocean
I have swam the sea
I don't believe in love
It left me
I have slit my wrists and
Bled out the guilt
I've had to climb
The wall we've built
I'd do it all again
Until my final breath
If i knew you would forgive me
For our death
Fighting the battle of unrequited pain
Washing all the blood away
With the tears that rain
Sleeping by your side if only in a dream
Perpetually waking in the same day
Insanity's muffled scream
Unexplainable totrture the nightmare never ends
Carried on the backs of all my dear friends
I've had to die a few times
And still a few more times to come
I've been running all this time
Not knowing what i run from
Falling from a cliff at the edge of my mind
daming myself eternally for the fates that bind
slowly filling my grave with dirt
And anything else you can find
I have no escape
There iz no barred window
Only darkness cares for me
Only darkness wont let go

-- Sun Jul 17, 2011 7:43 pm --

katana wrote:I think its a great idea.

i've used writing music as a coping mechanism for dealing with feelings. also drawing to express stuff that has come up. i think those were more to do with coping with trauma when i uncovered it than coping with BPD, but still a good idea.

That's wikked, Katana! Thanx alot for your input. I love writing music, sound art, writing, drawing ( as i have been learning to tattoo for three years and counting..) I used to go to art school about six or seven years ago. I had to drop out due to mental illness and then life took a hold as i became a mother. There are many things i do to cope with the confusion of living with BPD. It would be great if people could share anything they like creatively in this thread altho i do no know its boundaries. Im stoked on experiencing the creative thinking of others.

-- Sun Jul 17, 2011 7:52 pm --

katana wrote:I think its a great idea.

i've used writing music as a coping mechanism for dealing with feelings. also drawing to express stuff that has come up. i think those were more to do with coping with trauma when i uncovered it than coping with BPD, but still a good idea.

I've dealt alot with past traumas and find that the exsisting trauma isnt what happened to me in my life, rather the lasting effect of how my brain developed since childhood. Traumas have come and gone, and still what remains is the confusion of not knowing how to fully fix a brain using a brain that needs fixing. If there is anything you'd like to share, i'd love to be an audience member

That poem was very moving. please have these (((((hugs))))) for all the pain in it.

i wish i did have something to share right now. i haven't done much writing recently, not got my scanner plugged in yet either! i'm going to try to do some more creative stuff, i think i could do with the outlet.

i agree about it being hard to fix a brain using a brain that needs fixing! its a shame there isn't somewhere you can borrow a spare.

-- Sun Jul 17, 2011 8:03 pm --

...also about sharing creativity, some ways it would kinda destroy my sort-of anonymity here (publically at least.) i guess i could post some stuff elsewhere and pm links to anyone who is interested.

Katana, I`d be honored to read anything you choose to share. Ofcourse, your anonymity is important and i wouldn`t want you or anyone to jeopardize that. You link it, ill read it and give feed back if you`d like

Thank you for the hugz! It means alot coming from someone who truly understands the friggun bull we go through just trying to figure ourselves out. Hugz right back atcha xoxo

vrbOse wrote:Would anyone be interested in sharing their creative coping mechanisms in a thread dedicated to writing (within reason considering length..) about BPD?

I write music and trashy novels as catharsis. Oddly, the novels are black comedies; I don't think they'd make very good reads if I wrote serious ones. The music is what it is. Sometimes, it's too much to create and I switch off.

miss_communication wrote:

vrbOse wrote:Would anyone be interested in sharing their creative coping mechanisms in a thread dedicated to writing (within reason considering length..) about BPD?

I write music and trashy novels as catharsis. Oddly, the novels are black comedies; I don't think they'd make very good reads if I wrote serious ones. The music is what it is. Sometimes, it's too much to create and I switch off.

Writing anything iz a feat in itself. Black comedy iz definately up my alley, anything dark for that matter. I can say that over the past two years ive read more books than i ever have. Thus bringing me closer to start writing a book myself.

I can totally relate to "switching off". I felt pressured in art skule, yearz bakk, to always be creating. Living day in day out az an artist first, civilian second. I'll admit im an art skule drop out (hilarious) since even now i have a hard time even finding the will to think of anything other than the writhing mess of "real" problemz i face. Thoughts just happen and if the energy iz there, i trap them one way or another.

Don't know if anyone has read or would be interested in reading a series by Terry Goodkind called The Sword of Truth? It's been pretty inspiring to me over the past several months.

vrb0se, that was a beautiful poem.. you're very talented!

I usually write music, poems - I also play my guitar as well, it's a good escape.. Kind of makes me feel worse though when I write.

I wrote this a few months ago, it's not the best

Where the worst things are

You light up the sky with your vision of perfection
Yeah you do.
And I’m drowning in this empty night, in this empty house
And this bottle is calling my name.
It’s got a tag that says “You were once mine, but this will drown your pain”
Like all those times you laughed, while inside my soul it rained
And the sun is setting; the gold is painted on your face,
It’s a vision that will last for a decade
The back of my mind always screams to belong,
Nothing ever is what I expect will be wrong,
And the place, this time is empty now
Sorrow follows me, wants to devour my soul
I will be skin and bone.
Feels like the time you held me, something was on top breathing heavily
And the silky feel of your skin, has turned into razors and pins.
Oh where did you go? I don’t know. I feel so lost
I feel so lost.
Theres a forest near my house, that I sometimes go to scream
There’s a place in the back of my head, where your shadow likes to breath
Devour my soul, you’ve taken my light
And in this dark hour, I’m living in the night.
Under my skin, and through my bones
Oh where did you go? I have no home.
I don’t belong here, I’m an empty shell,
Oh where did you go? I don’t know. I feel so lost. So lost.
I needed this, and you. But in this night I live alone. Oh where did you go?

You guys have some BEAUTIFUL writing styles... I wish I could get it out like that, but the only time I feel like writing is when I'm going through a depressive mood, and then when I go back and read it, I feel stupid for feeling that low over something that wasn't a big deal (or maybe it was), and then I scare myself from writing again.

It sure helps to write on here just to get it out. Sometimes I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb, but this place sure helps me calm down.

Like today, I'm totally blah. Might be because I haven't had Buspar in 2 days (just re-upped my rx's this morning to pick up after work), or maybe its just that I don't have anything to get excited about.

When this mood hits me, I want to shut my door and vegetate in my office, but I work at a bank, so this doesn't exactly work.

Is that what normal people feel like? Blah? I mean, is that just a standard mood? Is that why I feel like I'm not feeling ANYTHING today?

Good Lawd, what is my PROBLEM? I'm going to start a thread. I've just hijacked your's on accident.

I'm sorry. Please ignore me. I'm having a moment.

AMP

Lemme furst say that i am pretty stoked you all are replying to this thread! Im a newbie and i was expecting it to take a bit more time before i was sort of welcomed into the forum. You peeple are super nice and it makes a difference knowing you understand even to the closest degree, what i go through.

Chaudement! EXCELLENT piece! BRAVO! i loved it! I'd love to read more whenever you feel up to it. And thank you for the lovely compliemnt! You are very talented yourself! I write music too well i play around on guitar as i am not an official guitar player ( even tho i have an acoustic and an electric sitting in my room atm..) and piano etc ooh i have soem drums too but again, i only frigg with them... I have also played around on sound programs and made some of my own beats.....i love sampling organic soundz and making new music out of it's rawness....but my dream is to sing in a band....i have to get over the anxiety tho, its prevented me from singing for far too long..

MISSALL !!! hey now- we all have moments.....dont apologise! I am currently having a sloO of moments, and have been fighting with my significant other.....for a couple of weeks. We keep breaking up, getting back together, breaking up...not sure if you know how it goez but thatz how itz goin. It's been #######5 this time around, struggling with trying to find who i am in a relationship. Everything changes, no matter how long i have spent alone, once i am with someone thingz start to sour. It really makes me feel as though i'll be alone forever. The worst part isnt that. Itz after trying to have yet another relationship, and having to convince yureself its okay to be alone forever...again....

I don't even have a job. haven't had one in two yearz. ( altho i do ink out of my home..) Im pretty lukky i have all this time to get better, or has it been to get worse? Working at a bank must be stressful, having to dress conservatively and act nice to everyone all day long. I think you should feel good today, that you can work, and that you have a great career ( even tho i dont trust the bank ...or cops...or most peeple for that matter hahah NO OFFENSE!) I have been off Welbutrin XL now for almost two weex. It does nothing for my anger...maybe it makes it worse. It helps with depression ( ie makes it even harder to cry when i know my body needs a release..) and anxiety which is a huge reason i can not work. I usually have anxiety over EVERYTHING. Like breathing, waking up and realizing im alive...you know, stuff like that.

ha! hijack away ma dear! that's what this thread iz all about, getting people to talk and introduce themselves. Im always trying to help others ( try not to gag on my corny-ness) and i hope i could make yure day a bit better. Even if this comes late, since i have no idea where anyone is from on here. And i wont ignore you, or anyone on here. So tuff noogie

Hope yure all spectacular! and please find more thingz to share. I really need the inspiration..