Completly alone

I dont think i could feel any more alone right now. I feel completely unloved and un wanted by everyone. I hate this feeling more than anything. Its like people do there very best to avoid me, they allow me to become close to them and then push me away. It seems like this is happening all the time at the moment and its making me feel very sad. How do you know if it in your mind or if it is realy? It all seems very real to me.

Hey,

Im' very sorry to hear this... Can you give me an example of such an event that has happened in your life? Growing up, I felt very alone, and it is only recently that I am really beginning to 'push my weight' around. Confidence and tenacity are qualities that are beneficial for being recognised and accepted by some groups. However, having these qualities does'nt necessarily mean that you have to exactly be a cruel person at the same time. You can be tanacious and pushing your weight by being nice too.

That leads me nicely to my next point: Do you feel that you are 'too' nice? Nice people finish last, a lot of the time, because they are interpretted as weak by others. Please let me know if you feel that you are 'too' nice...

Kevin

hi kevin, thanks for the reply.
ye i have always been to nice (i think), but over the last few years i think i have become a lot more confident, but still gotta long way to go to really get there. I personally dont think this about me being to nice or anything, i just think that people really dont care for me or how i feel at all. I feel like its evryone at the mo, such as my ex partner (who i asked to marry me just over a week ago) long story, but he has completly ignored me since then because of the stuation i have put him in, but even though he knows how i feel when i cant get hold of someone. I really dont understand why he is making me feel so bad in this. Also i have recently become friends with one of my lil boys friends mum, she noticed i was not myself and she made me believe that she was there for me to talk to, we became friends a little after i discovered BPD and she told me her husband was diagnosed with it years back, i was in a really bad place then and ended up probably telling her to much, since then I just feel like shes pulled away from me, this always seems to happen, people say they are there for you, they make you feel you can open up then when you do they realise they actually dont and then I always feel 10 times worse than i did before i actually started to open up. These last couple of weeks ive tried hard to withdraw from speaking to anyone again about how i feel, but internally this making me feel even more alone. I know that everyone has their own lives, problems etc, but that not what i want from people, i dont want all their time, i just want to know that im loved and cared for in the way i want....but that never going to happen, so i think im probably better just do my best to not become close with anyone, because when I do i just feel so sad when they dont care for me like I wish they did. an emotional motherly type of love i mean, not sexual. Im better off just feeling alone and sad in my own head rather than feeling like it anyway and to have people just reject me and be fed up of me. sorry i hope this message makes some sense, it going through my mind to quick and cant keep up the typing.x
thanks, tracey.x

I feel like this today too. I'm sorry your going thru it as well. * hugs*

I think the thing is alot of the time it is in our head. It's like runs our life. What would life be without that constant thought tho? Could you imagine?

*sighs*

Yea whatever one else said about confidents and self esteem it's amazing how much those things matter for you emotional well-being. I go thru phases with it.

Sorry to hear you're both feeling that way I don't know what i can say to help except that there are people here who care.

Needadiagnosis, love between two adults is emotional too, not just sexual. i know pwBPD can feel the need to be cared for more than others do, but the only bit about that need that isn't "normal" is when that need is so strong it can't be done 2 ways and if you can't feel secure in loving and being loved, but love between 2 adults is emotional too.

...but i do understand what you mean - i used to get a lot of attention from guys, but they would only ever want me for 1 thing. lol i dont want to assume that is what's going on for you there, - was just my experience of things! but that was cause of my problems, cause however much i wanted not to be abandoned, i couldn't really let people close, and sex doesn't have to be separate like that, sex can be about emotional love too, but that means real intimacy - scary! lol

i can understand why you might want to feel mothered tho, cause i have felt like i didn't get enough love from my mother in the right way, so i could understand that feeling.

If there was one thing I could ask for, and know it would be granted without recompense, it would be a single touch from my mother. Just to feel that again. The warm, soft, sureness of her touch. Even if just for so quick a moment that it felt like it didn't happen afterwards.

I'd give everything I own for that. All of it. I'd snap off each of my fingers for it. Faster than my heartbeat.

You're not alone, OP. We are together in this.

Hi crimson and clover. Right back at ye,im sorry your feeling like it to,i hope u r feeling better a little. I havent even got out of bed yet(it b4 8 though) and already im worrying about no one there for me. I often think if I didnt have such a strong need to know and understand and truly believe that I am loved and cared for then half my issues and symptoms would probably vanish. Do u think like that?x

-- Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:54 am --

Katona I realy wnt 2 reply 2 ur mesage,i jst keep nt having enough time 2 write what I wnt.im jst using my phone nw 2 reply.wil reply properly l8r.thanks 4 ur reply.xx

-- Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:45 pm --

Hi Katana (i spelt it wrong earlier, sorry)

Thanks for the message back. Its nice to know there this place to come to when feeling so alone. I think it has really helped. Im glad I have found this site.

I dont really get a lot of attention from guys, but then saying that a big part of me wouldnt even notice if i did because i think i do try and avoid it, i think this down to my intimacy problems. For me this was probably a big reason in mine and my ex parteners relationship breakup, the worry and anxiety i would get all the time about it. And du know, he still hasnt been in touch about the marriage thing. He is so not the type of guy to be like this normally, he a great guy, to nice for me probably, and so this really hurts and inside is making me really angry with him. I think im probably better off single really. I really dont understand as we have a real close emotional relationship - well as close as possible that i can give.

My main issue with feeling uncared for is not really relationship wise, but more the need for older females to care for me. i sound like such a geek ha. Ye, like you it was the emotional love that was missing (that i can remember), it has always been something i have craved for and no matter how i try i cant stop wanting that, but then this is when it feels like all the people who make out they care dont actually really care and then it just hurts so much when everything goes wrong, it seems to be an ongoing pattern for me since i was little.

I know that i have people around me and i know i am lucky for this but it doesnt stop me feeling sad that their is no one truly there for me emotionally.

-- Thu Jul 07, 2011 11:48 pm --

biitchelectric wrote:If there was one thing I could ask for, and know it would be granted without recompense, it would be a single touch from my mother. Just to feel that again. The warm, soft, sureness of her touch. Even if just for so quick a moment that it felt like it didn't happen afterwards.

I'd give everything I own for that. All of it. I'd snap off each of my fingers for it. Faster than my heartbeat.

You're not alone, OP. We are together in this.

xxxxx

Do you have a pet to keep you company? If not, I suggest you get one. Pets can be life savers.

ajrocker8 wrote:Do you have a pet to keep you company? If not, I suggest you get one. Pets can be life savers.

This is so true!

I have a burmese cat that is probably one of the most important things in my life.. She always comes to me when I'm crying and just generally hangs out with me .. she may be just an animal but it helps.. to the point where the times im suicidal I think how could I leave her and then I cant go through with it (yes I love my cat too much) ..

if only sometimes she could talk back!

I'm feeling pretty alone now, too. I tried making some jewelry, but my hands are shaking so badly I can't. I'm very loved. My parents are home and have tried making conversation, but it's like they're not really there. I just spent nearly the whole week with my boyfriend, but our time was cut short due to his best friend having family problems. I know that's the only reason he sent me home, but at the same time, I'm worried sick. I'm going through those minor withdrawals you get when you take xanax one day but not the next, so I can barely remember yesterday or today at all. All I remember is getting... Well... Too close with my boyfriend and now I'm panicking like hell. I just know he's going to leave me. I feel it in my gut...

Technically, I'm not alone. I'm very loved... But I feel you. This sucks. Just take deep breaths and blare some music.

-- Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:51 pm --

I agree with the pet thing, too. They're the best. Dogs would probably be the best if you're lonely. They're very sweet and loyal. Cats are great too, but... Don't get me wrong, my cat's my best friend. But if you want to snuggle with a cat, they might not want to. Unlike dogs, they tend to do as they please instead of what you want them to do. Sometimes when I'm really down, I'll take it personal when my cat doesn't want to sit with me. I know that sounds silly...

-- Fri Jul 08, 2011 8:52 pm --

I agree with the pet thing, too. They're the best. Dogs would probably be the best if you're lonely. They're very sweet and loyal. Cats are great too, but... Don't get me wrong, my cat's my best friend. But if you want to snuggle with a cat, they might not want to. Unlike dogs, they tend to do as they please instead of what you want them to do. Sometimes when I'm really down, I'll take it personal when my cat doesn't want to sit with me. I know that sounds silly...