Abuse, Self-Harm, and BPD: a Poll

First my rant (Poll question below):
I just had the worst psychiatrist appointment ever (and I've had a lot of bad pdocs).
She was so horrible. She said she had never met a self-harmer who was not BPD (which is totally untrue.. BPD does NOT equal self harm!)
She also said she had never met someone who was BPD, or someone who self harmed, who was not abused physically or sexually as a child. She said because I was not sexually or physically abused (I was emotionally abused) that I had just made bad choices and picked up bad habits! So it was all my fault that I was miserable, whereas if I were raped it wouldn't be my fault I feel this way. I was so angry and felt so much worse about myself... I left crying. She seemed to believe I was consciously CHOOSING to SH and to feel this way... I felt so misunderstood by her...


Anyways! This got me wondering..
How many of you dx BPD actually do Self Harm?
And how many of you dx BPD were abused?


PS - For curiosities sake (if you're comfortable posting this information), if you do SH, could you post what type of abuse you received?

I've never self harmed besides my eating disorder. I was never abused physically or sexually but I was emotionally abused in my early teens.

Sorry that happened to you. Big hugs.

Thank you for making this poll, and for asking these questions about the distinctions within abuse.

I am really rather horrified that your psychiatrist would say such a ridiculous thing to you.

If that is, verbatim, what she said to you, then, I think that is worthy of reporting.

You say you live in Canada, right? What province? In Ontario, we can report things like this to the College of Physicians and Surgeons/Ontario Psychiatric Association. What she said to you was completely invalidating, untrue, and mind-blowing.

But, is this what she said, verbatim? Or is this how you are constructing it? Because I have witnessed my own self taking what someone said out of a desire to provide objective critique and turning it into a perspective that became utterly self-damning. Not that I'm trying to invalidate what you've perceived; just asking for a bit more clarification.

biitchelectric wrote:Thank you for making this poll, and for asking these questions about the distinctions within abuse.

I am really rather horrified that your psychiatrist would say such a ridiculous thing to you.

If that is, verbatim, what she said to you, then, I think that is worthy of reporting.

You say you live in Canada, right? What province? In Ontario, we can report things like this to the College of Physicians and Surgeons/Ontario Psychiatric Association. What she said to you was completely invalidating, untrue, and mind-blowing.

But, is this what she said, verbatim? Or is this how you are constructing it? Because I have witnessed my own self taking what someone said out of a desire to provide objective critique and turning it into a perspective that became utterly self-damning. Not that I'm trying to invalidate what you've perceived; just asking for a bit more clarification.

She said verbatim that she had never met someone who self-harmed, who didnt have BPD, and that it is extremely rare for someone to self-harm without having been abused. Then she said because I have not been abused, sounds like I have just picked up bad habits and made some poor choices along the way.

I interpreted this as it being my choice for feeling miserable... Its really was what she was implying. According to her I had no reason in my upbringing to be in the state that I am.. (even though I had a lot of emotional abuse in my family.. and substance abuse from my father.. etc.. that such stuff...)
I know I have reacted strongly to this.. but as I was already in a bad state before the appointment, and then having the pdoc make me feel even more guilty for being how I am...
I'm in BC.. The doctor kept saying she was in the process of "moving up here" and "you're lucky you have access to free health care".. so I think she was actually from the states. She said she was fully moved here in the fall.

I can really sympathize with you on people not believing you. Personally I think it's part of how I ended up with BPD as opposed to just my original diagnosis of depression. It's got invalidation written all over it.

I've seen at least five different doctors and 14 different counsellors/psychologists, and of them, I think my current doctor believes me- we haven't discussed it, but he doesn't push the issue and doesn't insist I must have been raped or abused, and my psychologist I see believes me. When I saw him for the first time he read the long list of stuff I'd written for me and says "so you haven't been abused". I said no...and he didn't question it. I was like "hang on a minute- why do you believe me, noone else will!". He said to me simply that not everyone that has been abused cuts and not everyone that cuts has been abused. Needless to say, I've stuck with him.

I marked emotional abuse on the poll- I have never really considered what I went through to be abuse, but I guess it is. I was bullied by my best friends from year 10 to year 12 at high school because I had depression. They were people who referred to me as a psycho, loony or deluded behind my back, and they were far too immature to understand the concept of someone needing help. Change the subject/ignore the issue/turn the conversation into something more trivial/palm me off to someone else when I wanted to talk "depressing thoughts" and then telling me they were there if I ever wanted to talk/being excluded/telling me how much they cared- yeah right or the big one- trusting them only to have my trust broken continually. It was done in a very subtle way and I'm not sure if they even realised they were doing it to me. The thing I beat myself up about so much with it now, is that I should have noticed it earlier...it had been going on for at least 2 years before I realised how they were treating me. Sorry, end of rant.

Sorry that happened to you. I hate when psychiatrists appointments go that bad. I had one idiot tell me that everything was fine because my family "respects" me. That was it, I was out the door.

I do self-harm and I do have a history of emotional abuse, but diagnosing BPD goes by the DSM, and those are only a few of the options.

What a sucky excuse for a therapist.

I was abused (sexual, physical and emotional), did self harm, and have BPD. But that therapist is so stupid for thinking that someone with BPD has to be a self harmer and has to have been abused.

I totally feel you on the whole psychiatrist being total bumholes sometimes, mine is the same but they are doctors not councellors they have a lot of patients and they just diagnose and it really sucks I hate my psychiatrist, I prefer my councellor much more. also I am not sure at all where my borderline came from I have been abused but for some reason Ive always been indifferent to my sexual abuse because it was quite minor and ive never felt scared or betrayed. Emotionally Ive been abused a lot, ever since i was born i guess, lots of abondenment im not sure if that counts... my dad would make me all these promises and never keep them ( my mom and dad are divorced) my friends used to think it was funny that i got so angry so they would taunt me until i flipped out and left but because i hated being alone when they called me to say sorry and ask me to come back i would and i woud put up with their constant abuse and ignorance for my feelings, these are my best friends and this has gone on for my whole life and other such bullying as well, but it only got bad this year with emotional abuse from a bf that i fell in love with. but when things werent fun anymore because i was insecure he started being very mean ect. until he dumped me. I do self harm, but I also have two other disorders so Im not really sure if its just one or all three that make me feel the need to do so.

-- Wed Jul 06, 2011 8:34 am --

I totally feel you on the whole psychiatrist being total bumholes sometimes, mine is the same but they are doctors not councellors they have a lot of patients and they just diagnose and it really sucks I hate my psychiatrist, I prefer my councellor much more. also I am not sure at all where my borderline came from I have been abused but for some reason Ive always been indifferent to my sexual abuse because it was quite minor and ive never felt scared or betrayed. Emotionally Ive been abused a lot, ever since i was born i guess, lots of abondenment im not sure if that counts... my dad would make me all these promises and never keep them ( my mom and dad are divorced) my friends used to think it was funny that i got so angry so they would taunt me until i flipped out and left but because i hated being alone when they called me to say sorry and ask me to come back i would and i woud put up with their constant abuse and ignorance for my feelings, these are my best friends and this has gone on for my whole life and other such bullying as well, but it only got bad this year with emotional abuse from a bf that i fell in love with. but when things werent fun anymore because i was insecure he started being very mean ect. until he dumped me. I do self harm, but I also have two other disorders so Im not really sure if its just one or all three that make me feel the need to do so.

dejamelie wrote:First my rant (Poll question below):
I just had the worst psychiatrist appointment ever (and I've had a lot of bad pdocs).
She was so horrible. She said she had never met a self-harmer who was not BPD (which is totally untrue.. BPD does NOT equal self harm!)
She also said she had never met someone who was BPD, or someone who self harmed, who was not abused physically or sexually as a child. She said because I was not sexually or physically abused (I was emotionally abused) that I had just made bad choices and picked up bad habits! So it was all my fault that I was miserable, whereas if I were raped it wouldn't be my fault I feel this way. I was so angry and felt so much worse about myself... I left crying. She seemed to believe I was consciously CHOOSING to SH and to feel this way... I felt so misunderstood by her...


Anyways! This got me wondering..
How many of you dx BPD actually do Self Harm?
And how many of you dx BPD were abused?


PS - For curiosities sake (if you're comfortable posting this information), if you do SH, could you post what type of abuse you received?

she sounds like a F****G B***H to me

I am a cutter, but wasn't abused in any way, shape or form. I'm not really sure how I came by it, but somehow or other, I did. Since I was put on the citalopram (and a friend, who has her Masters in neurochemistry advised me to "not have any [alcohol] at all, no matter what" while taking it), the cutting has increased. I knew that I drank sometimes to kill the pain, but I didn't realize it was the reason THAT often. My, how things change...

As to your psych's approach, if someone (therapist or otherwise) made a comment like that to me, it would probably have elicited a response of "f___ you!" followed by a heavy left cross. Who the hell is she to judge you? The absolute nerve of her! I agree with Biitchelectric; if that is what she said to you, verbatim, I'd report her. Hell, I want to report her just after reading that! That kind of attitude is completely intolerable from a therapist, in my never-so-humble opinion.

And I know it's hard, but please, please, don't take what she said to heart.