BPD and the failing 7 yr marriage...

For seven years not only has being a military spouse to the USNAVY been a plague, but having untreated BPD on top of it, has been pure insanity. This time, after our third near divorce, I wanted to kill myself. I didn't eat for four months, he took my daughter, and even though I knew it was for the best, I still resent him now after reconciling, and agreeing that I want help for me and them to have a prosperous family. I fit the criteria to a T. Him and I have both read all about it. We're working together, but how do I get rid of the guilt? How do I get rid of the resentment I feel towards him and my inlaws? Why have I burned every bridge I've ever had? What has made me have this disease? I'm not myself, I don't feel like it, nor act like it. What medications are our there for this disorder? I currently take Paxil and Klonopin for my panic attacks, which are merely symptoms of the disorder...I want to get to the root, why did I end up with this life/soul sucking terrify disorder? Why can't I find happiness, and why can't I make less impulsive decisions based on my best mental judgment rather than my feelings? Is there hope? I turn thirty this year in August, and dont want to live the rest of my life miserable. Write bk please, someone say anything, good or bad, I need help, I need support, and I'm so tired of hurting everyone and everything I love.

Sincerely,
Our Ocean

There is hope. Why someone gets an affliction and another not is just bad luck of the draw. One has to accept it and work with it. Try and find out what causes your episodes, list them, put them somewhere visible. In time you get to presense an episode coming on. From my BPD partner i learned it takes between 5 to 10 minutes for a trigger to fully activate an episode.

If you learn to recognize your triggers you have time to try and mentally explain to yourself that you are going to have a reaction.

The more you do this and the longer at a certain time it will be an automatic recognition. My partner now when she has recognized a trigger, she shuts herself in the bedroom and takes some benzodiazepines. This can last a few hours, but since she has removed herself from the scene no re enforcement of the trigger can take place. She no longer cuts nor acts outwards.

She was a very deep BPD with extremely violent psychotic episodes. Now she is a good partner i'm happy to be with.