When You Don't Think People Respond Fast Enough?

Something else I am wondering about:

Does anyone else have problems with getting triggered when you don't think someone responds fast enough. I am not talking about here. I am talking just about in general.

For example, if you send an email, do you have some magic time limit in your mind...and if the person doesn't respond in that time frame you freak out?

I find that the closer someone is to me, say, my boyfriend, my mother, my son, the shorter that magic time frame is. So, if I text my son, and he doesn't respond as soon as I think he should (and that depends...I understand if he's working, hiking, etc) then I feel like I've been abandoned and/or he is mad at me.

If that person is not so close to me, like a professional I write to for some reason, then that magic time frame is longer...but even so, if I write to someone and they can't manage to write back in a week or a few days, I am totally freaking and feeling unworthy.

Same thing on FB. I actually took down my whole account once because I could not handle when people don't comment on a post. I know this sounds really immature and I am sure it is, but I come unglued if I put up a post and someone doesn't respond to it. This used to bother me more, but I am getting better about it and have not taken down my account again. I read through other people's posts and see that yes, sometimes people just don't respond to your posts.

Are these feelings just part of the whole overall feeling abandoned thing?

Does anyone else ever feel like they should just completely avoid everyone forever because of it?

It is so bad at times that I will start crying and have to go put myself to bed because I can't handle it. Then when I finally do hear back from someone I feel so stupid and immature.

If you go through this too, does anything help to stop it?

I find this happens to me too, especially with text messages.

I always feel to embarrassed to say that that is what is bothering me! I'll be in hysterics, incredibly suicidal just because someone hasn't replied to a text.

One thing that helps me is coming up with a few reasons why they may not have responded. For example they may not be able to use their phone at the time, their phone may be somewhere else etc.

And if I really feel I need a quick response I'll call someone, then you get the answer straight away in most cases.

I don't freak out per se, but I do feel hurt, as though the person didn't respond as an intentional slight to me. Funny enough, I'm one of the worst ones for not returning emails or phone calls immediately. The emails I can understand, as I see emails all day at work, but phone calls are my worst for responding to. I don't know if it's part of my avoidant personality or what, but it is what it is. I am trying to correct it, but until then, it's how I am.

kate123 wrote:I find this happens to me too, especially with text messages.

I always feel to embarrassed to say that that is what is bothering me! I'll be in hysterics, incredibly suicidal just because someone hasn't replied to a text.

One thing that helps me is coming up with a few reasons why they may not have responded. For example they may not be able to use their phone at the time, their phone may be somewhere else etc.

And if I really feel I need a quick response I'll call someone, then you get the answer straight away in most cases.

Yes, I try to do the same...find some reason why. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn't. And wow, you hit the nail on the head, sometimes I feel incredibly suicidal too, for the same reason.

I just want to say I am SO impressed by you. You are 16 and you are SO smart, so intuitive, so...well, I just don't know if I can find the right words, but maybe it's that you're so involved in your own life and understanding yourself and WOW, I wish I could have had even a tenth of that understanding of myself at that age. You go, girl! Thanks for answering. I think you're great.

JohnnyBlaze wrote:I don't freak out per se, but I do feel hurt, as though the person didn't respond as an intentional slight to me. Funny enough, I'm one of the worst ones for not returning emails or phone calls immediately. The emails I can understand, as I see emails all day at work, but phone calls are my worst for responding to. I don't know if it's part of my avoidant personality or what, but it is what it is. I am trying to correct it, but until then, it's how I am.

Sometimes I wonder if I have avoidant PD also, and dependent, and possibly antisocial. LOL. Must sound nutty, right? I mean, how can a person have so many disorders. My Mom jokes and says, just try to cope by telling yourself you just have Disorder Disorder. LOL. That covers it all. I am sure I am not done being diagnosed with things. I found out on Monday that I only get a few more therapy sessions, because the clinic is so overwhelmed that they have to start booting people out after 8 sessions. !!!!

I have no idea, at all, how I will cope with that. I am in DBT right now, just started, tomorrow is my third class. We get 15. The jury is still out on whether or not we can go back for a second round. Ugh.

And I saw in me what you said about you. I am one of the worst ones at not responding, I guess because I'm so busy freaking out and dealing with whatever trigger. Isn't that the ironic part? Sigh.

That's really kind of you It's taken a lot less time than I thought to take charge myself and realise that people aren't going to do everything for me or cure me, and that I can't hide from the world. So far it seems much easier and much less painful to try and be more involved in my own life.

I also try to be aware that I'm not helping myself by dwelling on something like someone not replying. My number one rule is to try and only do things that are beneficial to me

uscitizen1966 wrote:Sometimes I wonder if I have avoidant PD also,....

That's possible. The doctors have declared it to be one of my happy little quirks. I'm glad, too; I hated the thought of my BPD being lonely in there. On Fridays they go out for beer, and on Sundays they have brunch. They make such a lovely pair!

[/quote]
That's possible. The doctors have declared it to be one of my happy little quirks. I'm glad, too; I hated the thought of my BPD being lonely in there. On Fridays they go out for beer, and on Sundays they have brunch. They make such a lovely pair! [/quote]



Ok, that made me laugh so hard. Humor is the only way to deal sometimes. I mean, the meds help, sure, being properly diagnosed, having resources...blah, blah, blah, but laughing, somedays it's the only way to get by. Thank goodness for this forum!

You are a stitch, good thing, so my seams don't come apart.

Hi Uscitizen,

I used to be like that - all the time. txt messages were worst, but i also have trouble replying to them (some of that was cause i was afraid if a wrote the wrong thing i'd get abandoned. ) - and using phones, both calling people and answering, i hate. one time i got beaten up badly as a kid it happened over a phonecall so it wouldn't surprise me if that has something to do with my remote communication phobia (it includes email, forms, everything.) just chatting on this website was a nightmare for me at the point where i had to "stay or run" that has happened a lot with me in the past.

i relate to your weird PD mix too lol. for me i'm not entirely sure if i actually have AvPD so much as some sort of specific social phobia. also im the person who does some seriously crazy/daring things and has had a habit of randomly picking up and changing where i live, changing career/occupation etc. lol but maybe that's the weird mix thing! i think part of me does "have AvPD" (but that part of me is a kid and im not sure you can dx kids even if they live in an adult!)

i guess the BPD & AvPD could go out to lunch, until the AvPD avoided it and the BPD panicked about being abandoned...

yeah i have thought AvPD and AsPD in the same sentence before and then thought HUH?????? no way does any person have both of those i certainly don't have AsPD right now, idk if parts of me still have traits but i have some of my own empathy (real core empathy now ) so i don't qualify properly except possibly as recovering if i ever did. but all the same i thought hahahah both those in one go is like WTF???!!!! ...i dont think lunch would really work for those 2!!

i dont like talking about this stuff very much cause I/other parts of me get very upset about being rejected and don't want to be hated.

hi uncitizen

i can totaly relate to what you are saying, it really can cause a lot of problems and emotions cant it? only today i kept emailing my doctor because she hadnt emailed me back, she ended up emailing me back this afternoon and said how i must stop emailing her because it not correct procedure. i do get that but it for sure dont help with feeling abandoned by her.

text messages are the worst as well, if i text something - (mostly if it involves anything with how i feel) if someone doesnt reply straight away i feel anxious and anoyed and then wonder why they hate me and then i just become annoying and then they probably really do hate me.

tracy.x