should i use these sites??

is it normal to want to change but at the same time not want to??? i dont want to keep living like i think in my mind but a big part of me wont allow myself to change. Will this change when i start counselling?? Will i finally be able to let myself change??

I am completly new to these type of sites...and already im worried that im starting to becoming obsessed with asking questions and panicking that one one will answer me or care what i have to say, which is making me me feel really obsessed with it all. will i just be really needy and desperate for someone to answer me and give me the answers i kind of know in my head already. Im a little worried that being on this site is gonna make me more needy and worse in general...or can anyone tell me if these sites are gonna help???

I hope that they will, but am scared they will make me worse??

Difficult to say. You may come here whining all the time, or you can come to vent while also asking constructive questions and meeting people with similiar problems. It feels really good to have someone understand you when you have a mental illness.

It depends what you come here to do. Not just here, however. In your life. It's difficult, but you can become better. Well not better per se, but able to cope better. For me it took understanding what was going on inside me. I can't say what it will take for you.

However, you can come here to vent, whine, and complain. We all need support, so it's alright. I wouldn't judge any one for having a bad day/week/life.

You can also come here for knowledge. There are plenty of people here who want help and want to help others. Plenty. So you can get what you want to take out this. For better or worse. You get to decide. It's called existentialism.

Anyway, good luck. If I can help you with anything I'll try. Just send me a message.

Welcome to the forum.

Wanting to change but at the same time not wanting too is ok. Change is scary- and I don't think that exclusively applies to people with some sort of disorder. It applies to people in general population as well. As you go through counselling change will be a gradual process and won't seem quite as scary as it does at the moment.

As to using the forum-I was completely new to the idea a few weeks ago, emailing was about the extent of my online communications with anyone. So far I have found it really helpful- I came here newly diagnosed with BPD and feeling totally lost and confused. It has helped me to understand my diagnosis a lot better, including why I do things the way I do. Everyone is very supportive and helpful.

Lastly, don't worry about things sounding silly. I've found that some of the questions I have asked here which I think sound silly to me when I first write them are not as silly as I think when other people write a reply back that tells me they have similar thoughts too..

needadiagnosis wrote:is it normal to want to change but at the same time not want to??? i dont want to keep living like i think in my mind but a big part of me wont allow myself to change. Will this change when i start counselling?? Will i finally be able to let myself change??

Like others have said, people without disorders have a hard time changing. It's normal for people with and without illness to want to change, yet not want to. Therapy will help you find out why you are having a hard time with changing, but you will still have to be the one to consciously choose to make the changes you want to see in your life. It is possible to change (:

needadiagnosis wrote:Im a little worried that being on this site is gonna make me more needy and worse in general...or can anyone tell me if these sites are gonna help???
I hope that they will, but am scared they will make me worse??

It depends on what you want from the forum. If you use it only to try and fill your feelings of loneliness and emptiness, then you may or may not find yourself getting worse. On the one hand, you'll be able to talk to people who understand, you'll start to recognise people by their usernames and pictures, you'll be able to form a relationship of sorts with people. On the other, no one here can ever fill those things for you completely.

You'll probably find it great to be able to vent and complain on here about what's going on in life for you - being able to do that with people who understand what you're going through makes it so much easier. You'll also get plenty of knowledge and advice.

needadiagnosis wrote:already im worried that im starting to becoming obsessed with asking questions and panicking that one one will answer me or care what i have to say

This is something that you could use to help yourself start changing, if you want to have a go at it now. How many of your posts have gone unanswered so far? My bet is that by 12 hrs, almost every post you've made has been answered, and those that haven't been answered in that time have been by the end of one full day. So when you start panicking that no one will answer or care about your posts, you can start trying to remind yourself (if you want to) that actually, everything you've written so far has been replied to, and that the people who have replied do care.

thank u for the replies, ithink i am actually very happy about finding this forum.reading other questions and comments has really made me see that i can at least start to be open about the way i feel because i know there are so many other people out there who think, feel and behave in the same ways. Just knowing that i am not the only one to feel like i do like as i have always done is such a relief. Im struggling to see how i can change and want to change and stop my such strong need to be loved and cared for, but at least if i just start to focus on explaing to my therapist that i have just started seeing on friday exactly how i feel and think and explain all the things ive really been open about I guess that will be a huge achievement in itself and maybe this will help.xx

Hi, welcome and all that jazz....

This site (and I'm sure others like it although I stick with this one) are a godsend at times. It's great to know there are other people out there who have the same sorts of worries, issues and problems and it's a good place to get advice.

However, just try to remember that we are all people with our own problems and BPD to get a handle on. With BPD it's easy to think "these people are my new best friends. They all love me, accept me and understand me". That's the black & white thinking that is so prevalent amongst us. But, at the same time we are trying to live our own lives and sometimes you might find someone responds in a less than polite way, or that your message doesn't get any replies (yet lots of people view it!)....it can be very easy to get disheartened and depressed but try to remember that we're only human as well. And try to not use us to replace people you can meet out there in the 'real' world. Just because we have BPD doesn't mean we all think and feel exactly the same as you - sometimes you're going to have more in common with Joe Smith in the local cafe than you are with isoko49 from Scotland who just happens to have the same stupid condition!

Saying that - on the whole we are a great bunch and do try to help out as much as we can. There are people here at all stages of diagnosis (or not even professionaly diagnosed) and recovery. I've had my dx 2 years and am about 6 months into a real period of remission/recovery. But I still have my moments, because that's life with BPD. But with 2 years of therapy under my belt, I can rationalise my thoughts, feelings and actions a lot more. I have learnt how to identify my emotions (sounds simple to some people but very difficult for me as it goes from OK to overwhelmingly awful in seconds). And I am very aware of triggers and how to either avoid them (not suitable for everything - otherwise I would never go out my house) or how to handle them more appropriately so they aren't as massive or self-damaging as before.

Be completely honest with your therapist - they will become the person who knows you better than you know yourself. I won't say they will be your best friend because it is a professional relationship, but it's pretty damn close at times! Take whatever help/therapy you are offered, but be prepared for things to take a while to sink in. With BPD, it's taken years to get us to where we are, so it's obviously going to take some years to get us "well" and able to function reasonably well in the real world where other people don't get suicidal when their favourite TV show is cancelled. After 2 years of DBT (but not the official Linehan version - that just sounds mean to me) I have a toolbox of skills to call upon in any situation. Some of the skills I never use but others I use every day. It took 1 year to get my head around the concept of things being able to change, then another year to start practising the skills day-to-day and realise that changes were happening. Sometimes it feels like nothing much has changed, I still feel lonely, I still can't stop eating chocolate and I still cry at the drop of a hat.....but there are some things I have had to accept are not going to change because that's the way I was born. But I work on the things I can change and my life is more fulfilling and bearable. Yesterday I was totally miserable and depressed because my ex told me I wouldn't see the girls today (supposed to but he took them to see his sister instead), I know he's telling his family about his new partner but hasn't had the balls to tell me himelf yet, plus my car is broken and I need it next week to go on a first date with a guy! Plus it was raining cats and dogs, the house was needing cleaned, I have no money etc etc....but instead of wallowing in it (which is what I wanted to do) I went online and chatted for 2 hours on Facebook with said first date, texted my step-mum to let her know I was down, and next thing I know I'm smiling and having fun and my step-mum & dad are buying me a car. I then went on to clean the house and feel one heck of a lot better about things.....but I wouldn't have been able to do any of that a year ago. I would have been reaching straight for the razors or a lighter and self-harming. Even 6 months ago. It's small steps but you will get there.